Letter to Alcoholic Friend. What do you think?

Question

This is a letter I wrote to my friend who has a drinking problem. What would you say to this?

Dear M*****,

This is not easy for me to type but it has to be said. You are my best friend and I only want what best for you and I will do anything to help you get that. I have watched you change drastically over this summer and honey; it’s not the best of all changes. You know that I didn’t like that you started drinking but I never lectured about it or got mad, I just stayed on the phone with you until you were sober again so that you didn’t get hurt. All of those nights on the phone with you I was scared to death, I was so afraid that something would happen to you and that I would loose my best friend.

I know that you think it is the only way to erase your problems but there are other ways. I mean I live a life almost identical to yours and I manage to get by with out drinking. Babe, I’m here for you! Any time you need to talk I’m right here; I will listen to you for as long as you want, I just don’t want to see you hurt in the long run because of your drinking now, I care too much about you to let you get hurt like that.

M****, when you called me tonight and told me about the smoking I was scared to death, not only for you, but also for me. I don’t think you know what an impact you have on me. Every night that you tell me your going to a party all I can think about is what if she goes too far tonight and something happens. I don’t know what I would do if something to you and now I have a baby to think about.

I have lived my life holding down the pain and not letting it show. I’m used to getting hurt and I know how to deal with it with out showing it but this baby doesn’t. I don’t know what I would do if I ever had to tell my kid that something happened to their Aunt M**** because she got too drunk or smoke too much. That would break a kid’s heart M**** and It would definitely break mine so much more to see my baby that sad.

Im not saying any of this to make you mad, I just had to tell you my opinion on the topic and hope that it had some sort of affect on you. I love you babe, I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you. Please don’t be mad at me for this.

All My Love,

D*******

sorry for the names being starred, its just she has an account and if she is on I dont want her to know its about her. By the way she is only 14.

Answer 1

Excellent letter.  I wish someone had said this to me when I was 14.  I don't know that it would have made me stop drinking (I didn't quit until I was 38) but it would not have hurt.

The key thing here is that you are not being accusatory or telling her what to do.  You are talking about yourself and your own feelings.  

Good job.

Answer 2

I don't think you should send this.

It's probably not as bad as you think - just because you don't do it.  I drank and smoked when I was 14, I'm now 28 and it hasn't done me any harm.

Answer 3

i read the first part and i will read the rest in a bit but a tip that i can suggest is that you shouldnt point out what she has done wrong.

ive been through depression many many many times and i no that depression and being an alcholic arnt the same thing buts its close but anyways i would get rlly pissed at people who would say what ive dont wrong or like bring up the past so try sayin more like im here for you things and how much you miss her.

btw at the beggining idk y but i just think you should put

This is not easy for me to say but it has to be said

instead of

This is not easy for me to type but it has to be said

idk y i just had to point it out

i cant tell you how to write this though so i shall stop talking now lol

Answer 4

Good try but alcoholics are driven by the urge to drink,they think of nothing but where the next one comes from  It's one of the strongest addictions known,  Your friend may read that and cry and be distressed but she won't stop drinking because of it,  She might just avoid talking to you even though she knows you have her best interests at heart. She'll stop when she's reached her 'rock bottom' as they say. Another thing, don't even bother talking about her problem when she's been drinking, she will say yes to anything just to shut you up. I know, i'm a dry alcoholic, can't touch the stuff but it took me 20 years of drunkenness to finally admit I had big trouble with the booze.

Answer 5

Send her it. Its straight to the point and should have some affect on her x

Answer 6

Excellent latter. Give it to him, let him read it and you 2 talk about it.

Answer 7

It's a very heartfelt letter, and, yes, I do think you should give it to her.  Words, unfortunately, very often fall on "deaf ears", and if you try telling her this when she is under the influence, you have a very good chance that she won't even remember what you have said.  If she is drinking to this extent at 14yrs. old, she is treading on very dangerous ground with regards to her health.  Mentally, physically and emotionally.  I was married to an alcoholic, and despite being told that if he carried on drinking, it would kill him, he thought he knew best.  He died.  Another of my friends had a similar situation with his g/f.  She died.  To die of alcoholic liver disease is not nice, to say the least.  For her own sake, please try and get her to see someone professional who can help her.  With all the best intentions in the world, you can be there for her, you can care about her, but you cannot be her saviour.  Also, helpers can become victims, and you have your own life to consider.  I feel for you, seeing someone you care about and love very much going down this road.  It's bad enough at any age, but, for someone so very young, it must be heartbreaking.  Give her your letter, but, make copies of it first, so that if she rips the first up, you can keep producing it until, hopefully, she does take notice.

Christine O'