Letting go of the past

Question

Iv always been depressed due to my childhood, but oe the last two years its gotten worse iv been diagnosed at the doctors but i left because the doctors and therapy workers made me feel worse, and now the holidays are here the pain is really getting to me iv lost a stone in 3weeks im not trying to lose weight i just throw up when i eat (i have no problems with my weight) i cant sleep i wake up every morning around 4am and i hate leaving home i used to self harm and i feel so close to taking it the next step further. please dont ask me to go back to the doctors for help because i wont do it. Thank you if anyone replies to this. im really scared.

Answer 1

See my response to AmitS question "Dealing with depression in college?".  It may be a little lengthy.  But I have suffered from depression all my life.  I see from your response to AmitS question that you are also deprressed.



I can understand not wanting to go back to doctors and being put back on meds.  There are some bad doctors out there.  But don't be quick to judge the whole by the experience with just a few.  I did and missed out on a lot of plesures in my life.  Things are better now.

At least read about my experiences.

God bless.  He is always for you even if you are not ready for Him.

Answer 2

Get this book. If you feel strong enough to face it on your own, don't go to a therapist. However, With anxiety, therapists do not help you unless you see a cognitive-behavioral therapist who works directly with you to fix your problem. I would try the book first, though. It's really helped me.

http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Wor...

Answer 3

Hi there,

Ok, i hope this helps.

No one but you can make yourself feel betterand that is the truth.  You can go to someone to talk it out or for them to help you through any decisions that you make.  But ultimately it is you.

This is my experience and it is all true (unfortunately)

I was abused by my grandmother (yes, grandmother) and neglected by my parents.  Both my parents were drug dealers and they used to be out everynight selling it and living the lifestyle. All this whilst i was at home looking after my sister.  

My parents used to make me carry the drugs for them under my clothes, because if the police stopped us the would never check me.  My sister and i used to wake up to the sound of the police kicking in our front door and raiding our house, (our parents were not even home anyway!)

They were never there to help me with my homework or take me anywhere.  They never asked me about school or said that they loved me, which hurt sooooo bad!.

I used to go to school and make up stories about my life, about this perfect family that never existed. I used to dream about running away all of the time, but i had a little sister that i did not want to leave behind. As, i got older, since my parents were never at home, i started to seek out love and attention from older guys (bad move) but i did not know better.

It got to a point where i was tired of crying at night and tired of feeling depressed and sad and decided to do something about it.

I knew that it was down to the childhood that i had, so i wrote a list of the things thst made me feel bad and decided to tackle them.  #

-Telling my parents how i felt was one of them.  They never accepted responsibility but i felt better letting them know anyway.

-Getting a job and not going into the family business so to speak.

-Get an education.  I am an accountant now, for real (yay me!)

And i also decided that i was not going to let my childhood destroy me.  I was going to be somebody!

Is there something that you like to do? If so, then try to get involved in that.

You could also volunteer.  That might be a good way to keep your mind of of things.

I wish i could give you a big, big hug because i think you need one right now.  So i am sending you one attached to this message.x*x

Start to change your life now.  You obviously want to becaus eyou have asked for help, (good on you)

Good luck.x*x

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear that you are depressed because of your childhood - so many young people seem to be.

Doctors are not always the best people to go to - but there are counsellors who deal in depression who have a different approach.

I also know of one person who sees a hypnotist for their depression and swears that it works.

Sometimes though you just have to look in the mirror and accept who it is that is looking back at you.

And sometimes you just have to make the decision that you will succeed in your life in spite of all the people who would say you will never make it.

Sometimes its just you and no one else.  You .  No one else can make you better if you dont want to be in the same way that an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic until they decide never to drink again.

You have to 'decide' not to be depressed and not to let your life slip away in a painful experience.

Look in the mirror.  Introduce yourself to whoever looks back at you and just say 'I can do this'.

We have enormous inner strength if we just but tapped into it.

You CAN find yours if you really really want to.

I do so hope you find the strength you need to come through this - but no one else can do it for you - its only you in that body, breathing and thinking.

Wishing you all the luck.

Answer 5

Hi, i've always felt depression on and off since I was 16 (now almost 26). I've also had panic and anxiety attacks which have caused me to be sick and lose weight as well as not want to leave the house or get up in the morning to deal with life.

Firstly, need to make sure you stay eating otherwise you'll start feeling a lot worse. Also, as much as it feels safer indoors, try go outside and get fresh air as I always found it helped and reminded me that whatever was going on in my life, life was still going on around me.

Doctors aren't always the solution as tablets are only going to mask the problem, really if you were to try and sort it it would probably be best to get to the root of the problem with a counsellor. In the meantime its probably important to talk to family and friends for their support, also the more time you can spend with other people the more it will keep your mind off things.

Sorry I haven't got any quick fix!

Answer 6

I agree with Pooh Bear. I was depressed myself for almost 20 years. I actually attempted suicide. They had to re-start my heart twice. It was the worst experience of my life. That was a year ago. I am happy now and the only thing that I did to change was to quit living in the past and realize that I am the only one who decides how I am going to live this life. The past, for me, sucked badly. But it is the now and the future that I am making that I wish to indulge my thoughts on. We are all making our histories now. If you can just be happier for right now, all those right now's start adding up. It does take a lot of work, but it gets easier. I realized that my perspective on things was skewed sometimes. I would think all was hopeless, when in reality, I just had not been creative enough about searching for a better solution. Meditation and breathing sound hoaky, but they work. They tap in to your autonomic nervous system, activating the parasympathetic response which releases dopamine and seratonin-- natural mood stabilizers. Drug-free. You have to take responsibility for your moods. It is up to you and only you to decide how you want to live your life. Do you want it to be filled with sadness, remorse, low-energy and low-self esteem? I doubt it. Challange yourself to get up and outside (where vitamin D from the sun will give you energy) and movement will keep your mind on something other than your troubles. Distraction works too. Bottom line, do anything to change your state of mind. Do not allow yourself to be a victim. Be proactive. The results will follow, give it time. Count your blessings weekly (not daily!). Do not self-harm-- you are the only one who can love you the best. Find a way to do that! Best of luck, keep posting!  

Answer 7

Blame is a lazy man's wages.

To find a fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.

Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments of nothing.