Letting my son have s*x?

Question

Is letting my son have s*x make me a bad parent. He says he uses protection and he's 14. My sister says its bad parenting. I have 4 children, my 3 sons live with me while my youngest daughter lives with her mother. I don't find anything wrong with it, and he knows all he needs to know about s*x and protection. I feel like a bad parent sometimes but i can't stop him from doing it, I can only make sure he's educated about stds and s*x.

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Congratulations on the grand baby.  Its coming soon.

Oh and by the way, I hope that you taught him self defense as well, cause I hate to see what happens when the father of the girls find out.

Answer 2

He woul have done it anyway with or with out your permission, its nice that you kinda have that type of relationship, i wish I had that type of relationship with my parents.

Being up front about s*x is good, its not like you forced him to, you just allowed him, even though he is a little young, actually i was 15, but still us teenagers do thing whether our parents back us up or not, better to be there for him than not.

as long as he is using protection, its fine, but make sure he knows about stds and such.

Answer 3

I applaud you. You're letting your son make his own decisions, and you're encouraging it. You're also making sure he's protected.Even though 14 may not be the right age, you're being a great parent to him.

Answer 4

Oh ya.

There's nothing wrong with your son getting girl pregnant or getting STD's.

Go to a family counsellor

Answer 5

He's 14, he should not be doing that. That's terrible parenting, who cares if he knows about protection that's disgusting...

Answer 6

you cant stop him like you said...hes gonna do it with or without your guidance dont feel bad about just be there and answer any questions he has.

Answer 7

Well, it's good that he is educated and you talk to him about it.  On the other hand, for you to condone it at such a young age seems really irresponsible parenting.  14 is SO young.  You can talk to them all day about the consequences, but they think they're invincible and nothing will happen to them.  They are not mature enough to make responsible decisions about s*x at that age.  You have now become the "friend" and not a parent.  Children need parents...they have enough friends at school.

Answer 8

14? seriously

im sry not to be rude

but that is bad parenting

your suppost to teach your son to respect girls

and to grow not being a pig

do u really want to see your son

next in line with a gf pregnant?

id tell him to stop

Answer 9

We can't stop our kids from having s*x, but we don't need to "give them permission" either.

As parents, i think we do have the responsibility to talk with our kids about s*x, and the consequences (like std's and pregnancy).  

I don't think a fourteen year old is emotionally prepared for s*x, anyway... and who on earth would want to have s*x with a 14 year old boy?  i didn't, even when i was 14!

Answer 10

Parents are the ones in charge of there kids. If you're OK with him having s*x it's fine. Just make sure that he knows about protection. And also be careful if you let him go to a party with someone you don't know.

Answer 11

i hate to say it but you are a bad parent. what are you going to do if he gets an std or gets a girl pregnant.

Answer 12

Grow a pair.  You can't stop him?  Yeah you can, you're his parent.  You can do it AND still have a good relationship with him.  

And hoorah for the condom.  My friend has 3 kids.  They used condoms.  Guess what?  They don't always work.  And if babies can slip on through, so can AIDS.  You'll be lucky if he makes it to his twenties carefree like he should be.

I'm so sick of these parents with no backbone who say, "Wah, I can't stop my kids from doing stuff."  I stop my child.  My parents stopped me.  Their parents stopped them.  Because of parents like you, we have kids like the ones answering this question smarting off with, "You're right you can't stop him!"  My advice:  put your foot down and do what's right, not what's easy.

Answer 13

Wow...  Grandchildren are probably coming your way.

Answer 14

He is 14, you can stop him. He is not an adult. Teen brains are differnen from adults, teens make a lot of stupid decisions, you should atleast try to stop him from making them. You can tell him you dont aprove, and stick to your guns... Then again, if you really think its okay for your 14 year old to possibly get a girl pregnant or catch a STD (what is the rate now a days? 1 in 4 people?)..... Would you want your daughter to be having s*x that young??

Answer 15

well if he doesnt use protection and gets a girl pregnant.  tell him to do the manly thing and stick with her the whole way.  its not my kid.

Answer 16

no your not a bad parent. im 15 and im having s*x. my mom knows and even if she didn't let me i still would. as long as your giving the information about s*x and std's thats all you can do. you can buy him condoms but you can't force him to wear them. you just have to let him know that if he gets a girl pregnant its his fault. you will be mad but you will also be there for him. you should also get him checked for std's once a year(if its a year for men)

and if he gets a girl pregnant then you should try your best to make him stay in the babies life...he doesn't HAVE to be in the mothers life...just the kids...and as long as he's paying child support....but no i dont think your a bad parent....i'm sure you would rather know about him haveing s*x rather then him have it behind your back (:

Answer 17

Wow..

The thick headedness of people in forums. Yeah what works is just say no to s*x and thats that.. no more worries. LOL.

Some guys at that age arent interested or not very. If a guy is interested in s*x.. even at 14 there are 2 roads he will travel.

1. With the person who loves him most guiding and helping him the best they can with all his decisions including s*x.

2. Hiding the fact that this is going on.. creating a division between the parent and the child, leaving the child still having s*x.. but without loving and caring guidance.

The way to figure out if you being a good parent or a bad one is VERY SIMPLE. It takes a few minutes to work it out. But it is worth it. Its a question. Am I making this decision Out of the Love i feel for my child. Not ego.. Not how you would like for it to be. Now how your mom did it.. Not how the people on this board would do it. But what would the love of your child guide you to do. Once you answer that to yourself.. You will never be on a board like this asking a question like that.

From a father of 4. Counselor to Many.

Answer 18

it isn't bad parenting in my eyes as long as you buy the protection and when he leaves to see his gf you count how much is left in the box to make sure

Answer 19

O_O

Tell him you don't want him having s*x because he's too young. He could get the girl into trouble, and he could hurt her emotionally, as well as himself. It's great that he's educated, but he is too young to be in this situation. As his parent you must discourage this behaviour. And you can try to put a stop to it! Don't let him go visit his girlfriend, don't give him money to buy condoms, and threaten to call his girlfriend's parents. You need to be the parent and step up. You say you find nothing wrong with this behaviour, but it's obvious you realize it's wrong on some level. You need to be the positive influence in his life, and point him in the right direction.

Answer 20

You might try explaining why s*x isn't appropriate for someone his age.

All my teens know about protection, but they also understand that they shouldn't be worrying about stuff like this.

The frontal lobe is underdeveloped until the early 20's.  So, all the "education" is worthless when it comes right down to it, kids make poor decisions, esp where hormones are concerned.  

I'm with your sister, you should be working to discourage this behavior.  Humans can combat carnal desires, if we try.

Answer 21

No way, nonononono unless he totally loves a girl but most 14 year olds arent like that. Wait until hes like 16 or 17.

Answer 22

i think its okay as long as he uses protection n he knows the consequences so its okayy but maybe buy him protection just to make sure he uses it.. u certinaly cant stop him...

Answer 23

IF i was you i wouldnt be considered a bad parent. I would just be more careful.. Make sure he is only having s*x with one person until either him and that one person break up or something happens to the other person. Make sure he isn't sleeping around.

But no i dont think you are a bad parent. I think you want your son to learn lessons before he gets out into the real world and nobodys there to help him. If you know what i mean. Pray about it.

Answer 24

i would say it is NOT bad parenting...cus kids go and do it anyways at the age of 13 at least so it is good to be able to talk to your kids about stuff like that. good job!

Answer 25

Just becuase your son knows all of the facts of s*x DOES NOT mean he's ready for it. At age fourteen the brain hasn't developed yet, and the slowest part to develop is the part that makes decisions.

Also, when you have sexual relations with someone, there's a chemical bonding that happens in your brain, and at age fourteen, this kid is going to be going through a lot of different partners over the years--not good.

And just to check, who is he having s*x with? I don't think the parents of the girls are going to be all that happy about it.

You should probably spend some time re-evaluating your parenting. He shouldn't have been having upsupervised time with girls at age fourteen to begin with.

Answer 26

you are right you cannot stop him from doing it and you do need to make sure he is educated about it. Kudos on that! but condoning that behavior is not responsible parenting. he is way to young. education is not the same thing as condoning it. there is something wrong with a 14 year old having s*x. even if you think there is not. what if it was your 14 year old daughter, bet you wouldnt think it was ok. it is no different. You need to know where your kids are at all times and they need to be safe, not having s*x! period

Answer 27

From a teenager's eye, I don't think that it's bad parenting. You're right, you can't STOP him from having s*x, he's going to do it with or without your permission, I think having him well educated, and trust you enough to talk about it is good. It shows that you and him have a good relationship. I think if anything this makes you a better parent than most. You can't stop him from making the decisions he does, all you can do is make sure he's as safe as he can be in the process.

Answer 28

At the end of the day it's your decision.

It seems a bit odd that you seem to be encouraging your son to have s*x when he's 14...he's what...in grade 8, grade 9?

4 years ago he was only 10 years old!

Kids are going to do what they want to do when they aren't under the eyes of their parents, such as have s*x, but I don't really think your really doing anything to discourage your son from having s*x when he's only 14. Have you talked to him at all about what he thinks s*x is about?

Does his mother not have a role in his life? If she still does, I would suggest involving her in this as well. She has a right as a parent, and if you two are still parenting together, then that's exactly what you should be doing.

In my opinion 14 year olds don't need to be having s*x. What if your son was to get a girl pregnant? or contract an STI? These are adult issues that happen to people, and 14 year olds shouldn't have to deal with them.

Answer 29

I am really proud of you for realizing that he will do it either way. Some parent's seem to think that by telling their children not to do it, it saves them from it. Giving him resources and facts about STD's and s*x makes you a good parent. Make sure to talk to him about the meaning behind s*x though... it isn't just to get your rocks off.

-edit-

When I was 14 my parents tried to stop me from seeing my boyfriend at the time. We'd just meet up at school functions or at the mall when I was supposed to be with a friend. My parent's trying to stop me made it worse... I know when my son is old enough to talk about s*x, I will talk to him like an adult, instead of just trying to scare him. It's my job to prepare him...

Answer 30

It's not very good. if you want to be a better parent, tell him  all the bad stuff. make sure he is ready for ANY SITUATION,even getting someone pregnant. see what he says. does he know how to handle it if that happens?what would he do?ask him even if you & him know he's protected. does he care abouit others or only the pleasure??think about it.

Answer 31

I think thats bad parenting.

Horrible parenting to be exact!

Hes 14? Horrible!