Life AFTER the wedding...

Question

Brides, how do you feel when everything is said and done. Wedding is over, Just got back from your honeymoon...and back to reality. I heard a lot of brides get depressed and have an "emptiness" feeling...i have the feeling im going to be one of those. How do you deal with those feelings, and snap back to your normal life with the one you love?

Answer 1

As long as its love there is no reason for people to feel this way. Some people get married and then stop trying to make things fun - this is a mistake! Some people don't make an effort anymore - this is also a mistake! So. For a healthy marriage you need LOVE. FUN. and an EFFORT on both sides!

Answer 2

the wedding is the easiest part of being married,,,

Answer 3

You get addicted to helping other people plan THEIR weddings on Yahoo Answers... just kidding (sorta)

Actually, both my husband and I had some "wedding blues" after it was all over. I did because I was on summer break from school and didn't have a job or anything to keep me occupied when we got back and he was at work all day. He did because he missed being around his big family. For both of us, it was hard because it was all too short and we didn't get to see everyone as much as we would have liked, since we live across the country from them.

For a lot of people, I think the depression/emptiness depends on how much of your life the wedding consumed. The problems usually hit when people spend all their time obsessing over the wedding and have nothing to focus on after it's all over. If you are working a full-time job or going to school, then at least there's something to return to afterwards (though "reality" isn't as fun as wedding fantasy). Other reasons may be that brides (and grooms) miss being the center of attention or miss the anticipation of having something huge to look forward to or miss all their family and friends who came. They may have trouble adjusting to a new spouse and a new environment or find the old routines boring after being a princess for a few months. Maybe there are regrets about the wedding that gnaw away at them. Maybe the couple fights more or it seems like marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. A lot of these things can be dealt with by keeping up a positive attitude towards all the sudden changes, and not focusing on the negative aspects.

To combat the bridal blues before the wedding, don't make the wedding your central priority and the focus of your life. Keep up with other activities you were involved in pre-engagement. Limit the amount of time you spend planning, and make sure to spend time with your fiance and friends without any wedding thoughts allowed.

After the wedding, find something to do! If you realize you really enjoyed the event planning, go volunteer at a school, find a job as an event coordinator, or help a friend who's getting married. If you're bored, pursue a hobby or join a common-interest group. Find another big event to anticipate-- like your 1st year anniversary. Get a job, if you don't have one. Focus on building a home together and using/returning all the gifts you received. Find new ways to connect with your new husband- plan nights out, introduce something new and exciting into your normal routine, take up a new hobby/sport together. Make sure to maintain contact with your family and friends-- seriously, some people think now that you're married, you'll only want to be with your husband 24/7. The main thing is to get involved and find new things to focus all your energy and time on.

I think it's good that you're considering this now, so you can prepare ahead of time... Good luck!

Answer 4

before we got married (literally up until the day before) we were long distance. our planning went fairly smooth with no major hiccups and it didn't really take over our lives.

for me, life AFTER the wedding was spent adjusting to actually living with another person and learning their idiosyncracies. it's been a challenge but i'd do it again in a heartbeat!

for most people i've talked to, it's a hufe relief when the wedding is over. no more anticipation, no more details, no more vendor issues....you can finally settle down and relax with your spouse!  

Answer 5

I'm only 15 but i can tell you that my step mom acted really weird after her and  my dad got married. She was always working and never home. They went to counseling but it didn't work. She finally decided to treat the marriage like they were still young and in love. They went on dinner date while i watched my little brother, they went to amusment parks, and not that i really want this mental picture in my head but im sure they had s*x quite a bit. They have been married for 1 year now and they are so happy.  

Answer 6

Have s*x twice a day and remember why you married him.

Answer 7

I think the reason brides sometimes get like that is because they make the wedding the focus of their lives, and when there's nothing like that to focus on, they kind of feel lost.

I think the cure for that is to start now, while you're still in the planning stage. Try to keep things OTHER than wedding stuff active. When you hang out with friends, no need to bring up the wedding every second. Spend time with your finace on thing besides wedding planning. Truly, if you let that stuff take over yoru life, it is a letdown once the big ta-da is over.

Answer 8

hmmm... I could use some advice in that as well... Thanks for asking...

Answer 9

I was actually excited. When we got back from our honeymoon it was time to setup the house and make use of all of the gifts that were given to us. And then once that wore off I found a job and went to work. That way I could feel like I was contributing to the household income.

It's really all about finding what works for you and what will make you happy. Are you guys moving into a house or apartment? If you're going for a house you could spend your time getting a garden going. Or scrap booking. You can either let the depression envelope you or just have a good cry and move on. Find something to occupy your time. It helps!

Answer 10

Hi.  I think that this is a HUGE problem.  I have two different scenarios that the others.

First, the easy one.  I helped my daughter plan her wedding 8 years ago.  She was 20 and still living at home.  She got engaged at Christmas and the wedding was very early October of the next year, so basically we had 9 full months after the holidays to plan it.  Well, I hope all of you get to experience that fun someday with your own daughters.  It was the best time of both (I think) of our lives.  I only have 1 daughter so this was it!  We went all over doing all the "bride" things....trying on all the dresses, picking out each and every thing.  But then, after HER wedding I was very depressed (not her), so I can totally sympathize with all of you.  The only thing you can do is to get involved in something else....exercise class, college classes, volunteering, etc.

Now for me.  NO, I was not depressed after my wedding?  Why?  Becasue I was married back in the late 1970's (1977).  We did not live together before marriage even though I had my own apartment.  No one I knew lived together before marriage.  It was JUST starting to come into "vogue" at that time.  So......our marriage was just so much fun!!  It truly was a new beginning.  It was so fun to come home and know that my husband would be there and vice versa for him!  I think that is why so many get depressed now.  They basically have been living like husband and wife....so after the wedding....well, nothing is new!

Just my thoughts......

Answer 11

Look back at the pictures of how everything (that you planned out for so long) looked.

You finally have the memories (instead of just wondering) of this special day and seeing people you don't normally have the chance to see all together.

Enjoy being a wife, and spending time with your new husband.

Get to doing what it is married people do = P

Enjoy any new presents you may have received.

Answer 12

I will be getting married in Nov and i already feel empty. I seriously don't feel the spark anymore.

Answer 13

The depression came after the wedding and honeymoon because so much money was spent. It was nice but not worth all the money. In the long run Court house nice reception and longer honeymoon would have been better. Now looking at our checkbook i am like d**n we could have cut back on this and shot we could have cut back to that. It's one of those if i knew then what I know now I would have done it differently. Oh well Just keep loving the hubby and stay focused on your marriage. It will all work out. Good Luck

Answer 14

I got married 11 years ago and I still can remember how empty i felt after i came back from honeymoon!

It was the most awful feeling,i lived and breathed for my wedding day and organized it all myself so after it had all finished i was devastated,i can remember going to work in my car on my first day back and a song came on the radio that reminded me of my honeymoon,well i just turned the car around and went home in floods of tears!.

After i had a good cry i got a grip on myself and slowly things returned to normal.

The thing is don't hold back,if you want to cry then cry and don't feel silly for doing so,your grieving for something you will never experience again.

Good Luck with your big day!!

Answer 15

It's like any big event you plan for.  Have you ever had blue feelings after Christmas or maybe graduation?  

It doesn't take long for the feeling to subside & you feel yourself again.

A wedding is a life-changing event!    And it has consumed your every thought!  Why wouldn't you feel empty?

You may feel similar again when you have your first child, when they go off to school, when they leave home.

If the feelings do happen to continue for any length you might need to talk with someone professionally.  But I wouldn't be too concerned at the moment.

Answer 16

welll i was just recently married in may and i would have to say afterwards i was just ready to spend the rest of my life with my husband and that i couldn't have asked for someone better.

Answer 17

I am going through that right now (married a month ago), but I have gotten alot better!

I planned the whole wedding for 150 people MYSELF (I wanted to), so I knew I would be feeling quite empty when all was said and done.

One of the things I did was plan the honeymoon for a couple months down the road. Something ELSE to look forward to. Another thing I did was to grab a new hobby or way of staying busy right after the wedding, My solution: Focus on all the things I had to do to change my last name, and start researching ways to decorate our home.

Another thing I did was to mentally prep myself for the fact that my husband was going to go about his life the way it was prior to our wedding. Most men are like that, where as us women tend to want to talk about things over and over.

Just make sure you find something to keep you busy after the wedding because there is no more planning left! You'll be fine.  

Answer 18

You look forward to the time of day when you get back together and you be thankful you have someone special in your life that has promised to love you, and in the mean time, you try to make life as nice as posible for that person. But thats just me, and I've been told I'm old fashioned. I liked Racin answer too.