Like my Poem titled "The Beach" by a guy with an accent?

Question

"The Beach"

By: A guy with an accent.

I loved the Beach but she did not love me back.

I gave her my heart but the Beach gave my eye black.

The Beach could cook and the Beach could clean.

But I had to leave the Beach because the Beach was mean.

Now I sing this sad, sad, song because with that Beach

Is where I truly belong.

If I told her apology would the Beach love me again or maybe I shouldn't call the Beach a Beach ever again.

Answer 1

1/10

Answer 2

I think it's funny - my husband has a Russian Accent and I can totally hear it that way - the beach sounds like..... well, obvously you know.

BUT I would change the second line to "made my eye black"

and the 2nd to the last line "If I gave an apology"...

It's just better english -

PS, my husband laughed and laughed at this!