Live in Ma.. Desprate to adopt.?

Question

we went through dss and have 2 wonderful foster children. but sadley they are going back to go live with some reletives that gave them up in the first place. we are so sad. we are going to try iui but we aren't rich. we have enough money for 3 tries. we really want to an infant. we do not have a lot of money. is there a sight were people are looking for an alternative to abort. . any suggegtions?

Answer 1

Anyone who is "desperate " to adopt should step back and think about why you are so desperate.

Good decisions are rarely made out of desperation....try counseling to help with this.

Your support of 2 foster children was a wonderful thing, why not continue helping children who need foster homes?  Sure, they may not become a permanent part of your family, but the support and love you offer will never be forgotten and will be with them for the rest of their lives.

Answer 2

sorry you're so desperate. i'd strongly recommend counseling to deal with your desperation, and hold off on trying to score a kid and convincing some women who wishes termination to gestate for you.

go luck.

Answer 3

Avarae: In my perspective, the word "desperate" implies that is more about them than it is about the child.

And wasn't adoption created for the best interest of the *child*?

However, lately it seems like adoption has morphed into what's best for the adopting adults.

For example, the outrage that families will have to wait even longer to get their adopted children from China. So many people are whining that they were told they would have to wait anywhere between 2 - 5 years to get their toddler instead of the 1-2 years like in the past.

The amount of entitlement "How DARE they make us wait for our OWN CHILD!" simply stuns me.

Answer 4

As an adoptive mom who also went through the high emotions of wanting a child and suffering through years of infertility, the best advice that anyone ever gave me is that you should *grieve* your infertility before considering adoption.  Not being able to conceive is a huge loss to a woman especially.  The best advice that I ever received was to grieve that loss before doing anything with adoption.  It truly helped to put both myself and my husband in the "right place" to be parents.  I'm not saying it's always easy but it is something you truly want to consider.

With regards to adopting....have you spoken to the DSS workers to see if they can place a child with you that is in the foster to adopt situation (cases where they feel that the adoption is going to happen)?  If they can't do that, I would recommend contacting a local reputable adoption agency to discuss what options are available for adoption.  I can truly understand your fear of foster care if you had hoped to adopt the children and they are being placed with the biological family now.  But keep in mind, the goal of DSS is supposed to be to keep the original family together when possible.  If your DSS worker is placing children in temporary care with you when you were looking for more permanency, then I would talk with them again to see if they can change the type of fostering that you do.  

Hope that helps.  I've  been where you are, and I know how tough it can be.  People who have never suffered infertility do not fully understand what we as women have gone through.  They are right that adoption should be about the child, but wanting to be a mom is also a human instinct that most women have also.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Sorry - you're stuck with foster care.

Answer 6

Since you are already foster parents, you should look into the Fos to adopt program. You would only be placed with foster children who have a high probability that they will be available for adoption and then you agree to adopt them if they ever become advisable. You could also choose to adopt waiting kids this are kids in the FCS who are currently available to be adopted.

Don't feel bad about wanting a child a lot of people are desperate for a child in some fashion. Regardless if they want to adopt or having a natural child.

Answer 7

Okay enough going off on people who say they are "desperate" to adopt.  What really should be said is "I am desperate to have a child" because both bio and adopted mom are desperate to have a child.  Some woman can carry a baby and some not, even biological parents were desperate at times too to have a child.

Answer 8

When you say you are "desperate to adopt" that's about YOU right, not about a child?  You really should adopt a child who is legally free (available for adoption) through the foster care system, or child protective services, rather than try to get an infant from a mother who should have support to raise her own child.

Adoption is (or should be) about finding a home for a child who needs one, not about finding a baby for a person/couple who wants one.

Stick around these boards for a while, you will learn a few things.  If you really do adopt an infant who, in his/her 'best interest' should remain with his/her mother, at least listen to what the adult adoptees here are saying about how they feel.  It will give you an idea of what your child may grow up to feel about his/her own life.

Good luck!

ETA: AvaRae, I see your point.  But if she was "desparate to have a child" she would not have specified (in the original question) that she wants an infant.  There are plenty of children in the foster care system who NEED stable, loving homes.  But they are not "infants" (usually) and so do not fit the 'requirements' of this asker.