Living with a mentally ill person?

Question

I have been living with and taking care of menatlly ill woman for almost ten years now. I think she ia a Borderline Personality but has been diagonosed with shizoaffective persobality disorder, She is incapable of taking care of herself, I provide everything, she is incapable or unwilling to get help. She will not or cannot be spoken to rationally, her emotional outbursts are too much for me to handle but I for some reason am incapable to getting rid of her. She will probably be homeless if I leave but I am at my wits end. I often think killing myself is the only way out for me. I can't afford therapy which has not helped me in the past even when I was going. I don't even know what my question is exactly but before I do anything permanent is there help for me? I don't think there is help for her, she gets all kinds of free services from the city, medication and such, but nothing seems to do any good. Is there somewhere I can go for help? I can't go on like this anymore.

Answer 1

Have you told her that you will not tolerate that from her? She knows what she's doing. Just tell her that if she wants you there and if she wants you to contionue taking care of her then she will straighten her act up and behave and respect you. She knows the difference.

Answer 2

YES there is help for BOTH of you.  You are obviously not in a position to be caring for this person on your own anymore. You need to think of your mental health here. I would immediately call your local Dept. of Mental Health (you said she already gets many services so it is probably already through them)  There are Residential Services that can be looked at for her placement...that can take some time to set up so I would suggest telling DMH that they need to find an immediate respite situation for this woman while she waits for a Residential placement.  You can't be thinking if you don't care for her she will be homeless, there are services out there you just have to push them to get her some.  Then you need some help for yourself,  talk to the very same people,  about your needs there are services for counseling out there that are available at a low cost (or none if you qualify)  Good Luck to you, and allow yourself to let go of the guilt of not being able to care for this woman anymore.  You sound like you have done all you can.  

Answer 3

wats your problem lady...

Can't you see all the suffering around this world ?

Children are dying as you go all around talking about all the things that you possess and want to possess..

My advice.... give this world some good and god will return you with all the beauty that you have ever desired...

Donate for a good cause and you shall receive all the beauty that you have ever desired..

May god bless you child

NJOY

Answer 4

They should all be shot to put them out of their misery.

Some people are just fed up being helped, like me, and there's no way you can tell them to f*ck off. The state interferes with peoples lifes, you'll find that from social work services to carers.

Answer 5

She won't be homeless if you let her go. Tell her it's time for her to live on her own, then find a group home for her. If you are in the US Medicaid and Social Security will reimburse the place for taking care of her. She will then be in a therapeutic environment rather than having one object of her symptoms -- you.

I absolutely think this has put too much of a strain on you and you need to look at your options. Not all of "those homes" are bad, and socializing with others will help her. You can even visit and be her friend rather than having all the roles: friend, caretaker, medication nurse, errand person, significant other.

With that last one it sounds like you are both pretty isolated from others and it sounds like with only each other, it is an unhealthy situation for both of you.

Answer 6

Who pays you? Are you employed by an agency or not? If you have a supervisor you need to tell them how your feeling. She should have a Mental Health Case Worker through DHHS. If she doesn't ... GET HER ONE ASAP! All it takes is a phone call.

You have done a wonderful thing by providing care for this woman as long as you have, but you need to back away for your health as well as hers. It is time to move on (for both of you). And there ARE other people out there who WILL step in for you. She may go through a rough transition period, but I feel (from what you have said) you are so emotionally involved that you no longer can see that her world does NOT rest on your shoulders.

My guess is that the state has not provided her with other support services because you are already providing them. If you leave they will be forced to help her in one way or another. Is it reasonable that she continue to live in her own apartment or should she be referred to a group home for around the clock care? I know it is not an ideal living situation but you loosing your mind while caring for her is not productive either.

You also are exhibiting signs of mental health issues which make you eligible for services as well. Cost should not be an issue if you are that broke because anyone with a mental health diagnosis (seems as though you have suicidal ideation and depression) and low income is eligible for Medicaid which covers the costs of meds and therapy.

Try and stop being so negative and become pro active. Ex: "She will probably be homeless if I leave", turn that around and think "If I leave she will need someone to care for her". In this type of work we tend to take on the weight of the world (especially if your working alone in a home) and forget that this persons life went on before you came in to it, and it will continue after you leave; and that we can not 'save' everybody from themselves.

In order to be a proper home care provider you MUST first need to take care of yourself. And she would probably benefit from having a new staff person who is fresh to the situation, with an untainted view of her. It's possible that you could still work with her in another capasity (a respite provider) so that you still keep a connection with her yet are not overwhelmed.

So I suggest calling The Department of Health and Human Services in your state. Through this get her connected with a case worker, and propose a new plan of care for her. And state that you can not do it any more; there is a lot of respect in the world of mental health for people who know thier limits of what they can and cannot do. Secondly, I suggest that you speak with someone there (before you even get off the phone with DHHS) about getting yourself on Medicaid and seeking some help for yourself.

I hope this helped.

Keep your head up and take action. Things may get worse before they get better but ....they WILL get better!

Answer 7

my brother has the same problem (he gets into arguments and fights with people who don't exist).

there are group homes this person can go to. hopefully there is one close to home so you can visit daily. patience get better care when the family visits often

Answer 8

call the hospital to take them in because you have a life to and if she is mental they have to say yes

Answer 9

This is a horrible, stressful situation for you to be in.....you are caring enough to stay, and she probably doesn't even realize the extent of your value there. I think that if she gets all kinds of help from the city, you need to talk to someone that she is communicating with, and let them know you have had it. Many caregivers die before their patients do,because of the demanding mental care it takes to care for them. Get out while you have a chance, she is getting cash, and has plenty of free services, and knows how to get them...you need a life, before yours is over.