Living with someone with a mental condition

Question

my partner had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2years ago and at first i was fine and could turn a blind eye to her mood swings and violent tendencies.Now though its all getting to much,she is clingy and angry and jealous all the time!!will it ever get better? she goes of the rails for no reason,i could just be trying to talk to her about an everyday thing and she could flip!!its really scary to see her act this way!its like she is possessed!!she is very angry and destructive while she is having an episode!she has been on all sorts of meds but nothing seems to work.i don't wana leave her bcoz we have a 3year old and i love them both so much but some days i feel like running away and never looking back! i have tried to go along with what the doc says to do when she has an episode,and she and i have agreed things as well but when she flips she throws it all back in my face!and then later she breaks down crying and i have to console her,the very person that has just been abusing me! i do try and do everything around the home etc but then she complains that i am making her feel redundant coz she has nothing to do!!i can't support her financially because i am on disability benefit because of a severe arm injury! i give her all my money without having much left for myself (basically nothing) due to this,we are with each other 24/7,this is a problem i know.but i try and go out to give her a break from me,this sometimes but not always causes arguments.i also try and encourage her to go out and enjoy herself but she lacks the motivation.she is not an angry women 24 hours of each day,but not a day goes by that she doesn't erupt for no apparent reason.the daughter we are bringing up is not biologically mine but i have been here from day one raising MY lovely daughter as my own but there have been a few occasions that she has hit me with the fact shes not mine.this is really upsetting.it has come to the stage that when she says horrible things to me,i say horrible things back,i know i shouldn't but i just don't know what to do!!!

Answer 1

Mate, I do understand a lot of what you're going through. My husband is sick and I have hydrocephalus and we're together almost 24/7 too. Maybe you should talk to your doctor or someone close to you that knows your situation that you might be able to talk to. I can't offer any ideas really but I hope you find some help from someone.

Stay strong.

Answer 2

Maybe your doctor can recommed a counselor.  Right now you all are dealing with a lot, lack of work, a small child, etc.  That would put a strain on any relationship.  Chances are giving her money, leaving the house and doing all the housework won't do any good, it will start to make her feel like an invalid or helpless.  I'm not going to say whether or not you should stay with her, but if this environment is hurting your daughter, then changes should be made.  Talking to a counselor will give you someone objective who can suggest techniques, exercises, etc that will help both of you cope with this.

Answer 3

Bri , U need to be patient with Ur partner , she doesnt even know what she is saying , these are pehaps the tough times of Ur life , but persevere ,  know there is a sunny day after every night ;

Dont scold her too much , love her as she is , It has been established scientifically that love & care helps people to recover faster ;

Hope that helps;God bless Ur family

plz answer mine:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

It sounds like she is feeding off her episodes as an excuse to gain control you.  Talk to the Dr. about her using that as an excuse just to get you to do what she wants.

Humans want what they can't have, its only natural for things to get worse before they get better.  You need to reclaim dominance and let her know who is boss.

I'd try talking to her when she is not having an episode and let her know what she is doing if a perspective that she could understand, and not just critcizing her.  If she is being violent, she needs to understand that she is not only hurting her self by doing that, she is hurting others.  She needs to come to a mental understanding of what she does can effect other people, and she shouldn't do things she wouldn't want done to her.  

It may help to have not only you telling her this truth.  Everyone who loves and cares about her should let her know.

Being bi-polar is no excuse.  I'm assuming she has Bi-polar Disorder #1, (the one where she probably gets violent, then cries it off).  I am also Bi-polar and I neither take meds or see a psychiatrist regularally.  I've come to an understanding that my actions can effect others around me.  I can control my order well enough that no body could ever tell if I didn't let them know.  The only downside to mine is that I often come depressed over very little things because of the chemical misbalance in my brain.

Unless she truely wants it to work, no meds are going to help.  I often feel a lot of people just take meds as an excuse to tell themselves they are getting help from an outside source when she probably has the power to control it with in her self.  Give her help with rational thinking!  Ever see the movie "I am legend"?  She is like the zombies who just lose control over their rational brain.

Honestly, what ever you do, she is not going to leave you.  It sounds like she is very hooked on you and even though she may threaten you about leaving or doing terrible things, she just does it to get you to do what she wants.  She may just be taking it to the next level by acutally hurting things because her problems have progressed, but she will never leave you completely.  Let her know what you want with her, in a way she would understand!

Good luck!

Answer 5

Keep working with the meds, and DO NOT LET HER STOP TAKING THEM. Once you get the pills in a good place, it should get a lot better. She must take them every time, skipping once can be a disaster. I've never dealt with someone with bi polar, though I have it myself. The problem of not giving good advice on what to do is that the episodes are so situational. The last thing I want to hear when I get angry is "calm down" or anything of that sort. Beyond that, I dunno what to tell you. Even I didn't understand myself before my meds started working.

Answer 6

That is very hard to live with someone like that. You do love her and the child All you can do is to read as much as you can about this condition and to not take the temper tantrums personal. She is very ill and perhaps medication would help her to get them better under control. Try and see it from her side also.. She did not choose this disease. It is horrible for her to be trapped with this. She feels guilty to do this to you when she can think clearly and i am sure she loves the child also but the illness is very tough.. she needs support.  If you really cannot cope then you have to leave but you should always be there for her as a friend and of coure you need to be there for your child who needs you and she needs you to lean on and to trust... because otherwise she has no hope but that doesn't mean you have to give up your whole life.. if it gets too much really you have to be a very  good friend and a good father but if you can'[t cope with the relationship you have to get out of it and be her friend instead. xx

Answer 7

wow, thats one sad situation.

Your daughter would assume that she is yours.

If you leave, she would have to go somewhere else as her mother could not look after her.

Your iwfe has a disorder, she looses control of herself, she wouldnt hurt you intentionally. it all part of the sickness.

The thing is, is that you love your little family.

But you deserve to live life as much as the rest of us.

If you become just a carer for that family than is it worth it ?

theres so much history and love within your family, and its not something you can just let go of after reading a few peoples opinions on the net.

You must decide this for yourself.

There is help out there, and you can reach out for it when you need it,.

It must be so difficult to watch your wife turn into someone that she wasnt,

Just be careful.

All the best

I hope everything works out.