Living with someone with depression?

Question

How hard do people find this?

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years and I've known her for 7. She's had depression for most of that time and there's been hard parts and better parts. Most of the time, I don't find it hard at all - we're now expecting a baby.

Answer 1

I suffer and my partner does not undestand or try to learn about my affliction. This makes it very hard at times especially when I go into one of my lows. We now have a 2 year old daughter to brighten up our lives. All I can say is learn as much as you can about your partners depression and I hope your new child  will brighten up your black days.I wish you well.

Answer 2

well im depressed but my boyfriend is great about it :]

Answer 3

You need to ask her what you can do when she is having a depression episode.  She may want to be left alone so you need to honor that request.  She may want to talk about or tell you exactly how she is feeling at that time.  Don't be surprised if she tells you she wants to die or that she's had thoughts of suicide.  It is very difficult for a partner to cope with this condition.  I hope she is on a good drugs for this.  If the drugs aren't working she needs to change them.  She may have to try many different drug therapies before she finds what is right for her.  But the best thing you can do from my point of view is to assure her that you care about her and you want what is best for her.  If that means inpatient treatment then let her go do it with your blessing.  Whenever a depressed person contemplates suicide your talking to them can relieve some of those thoughts.  Always take a suicide threat seriously.  I wish you well and contact me if you want to talk.

Answer 4

It varies with the people involved, and the extent of the depression: mild, moderate, or major (clinical).

In the first 3 pages of section 2, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris there is an Australian website which has some advice on this subject. For her:

Ask yourself: "Why do I feel depressed, and when did I first start to feel this way: can I associate this with any recent change in my life?" (if so, it is probably situational depression: counselling, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is indicated). Or, was it a more gradual thing, with no apparent cause? (nutritional deficiencies, hypothyroidism, environmental toxicity, or reactions to some medications, etc., becomes more likely as the cause).

Antidepressants work quicker than the following; 2 - 6 weeks, but you may have to adjust dosage, or types, whereas St. John's wort is effective for most people, tolerance doesn't develop, and the few side effects don't occur often, and even then are normally not severe.

It doesn't cause sleeping problems, or weight change, but usually takes at least 2, and generally 4 - 6 weeks to become effective. A recent, independent German double blind study showed it to be as effective as Sertraline (marketed in the USA as Zoloft: a commonly prescribed antidepressant) in cases of major depression, with far fewer side effects, and those were generally better tolerated, with a lower rate of discontinuation. Unlike antidepressants, where sexual dysfunction is a common side effect, it happens much more rarely with St. John's wort (I have noticed no effect in this area).

Remember back to a time when life was full of promise, or a day when you felt particularly good, or possibly excited from a good result. Emotional states are associated with memories, and if it isn't major depression, this method can help.

A multidimensional approach to treating depression without medication follows. All except for no. (7.) are safe to use with medication, but not St. John's wort, because of interactions, and it's sensible to check out anything else first with your doctor.

(1.) Take 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily: (certified free of mercury) it is best if consumed with an antioxidant, such as an orange, or grapefruit, or their FRESHLY SQUEEZED juice. If vitamin E is added, it should be certified as being 100% from natural sources, or it may be synthetic: avoid it. Also take a vitamin B complex which is certified as being 100% of natural origin; a deficiency in vitamin B9 (folic acid, or folate) is known to cause depression. Around 30% - 40% of depressed people have low vitamin B12 levels. Depressed females using the contraceptive pill may benefit from vitamin B6 supplements. ~~~ (2.) Work up slowly to at least 20 minutes minutes of exercise, daily, or 30 - 60 mns, 5 times weekly. Too much exercise can cause stress, which isn't wanted when dealing with depression. ~~~ (3.) Occupational therapy (keeping busy allows little time for unproductive introspection, and keeps mental activity out of less desirable areas of the brain).

(4.) Use daily, a relaxation method* and/or yoga*, and/or Tai Chi. ~~~ (5.) Initially, at least, some form of counselling, preferably either Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy, or Rational Emotive Behavio(u)ral Therapy. ~~~ (6.) Maintain a mood chart, and daily activities schedule. ~~~ (7.) As options, if desired, either a known, effective herbal remedy, such as St. John's wort, (the strength varies, but the supplier should be using a standardised hypericin content, so follow the directions) or supplements, such as SAMe, or Inositol (from vitamin and health food stores, some supermarkets, or mail order: view section 55).

If 5HTP is used to boost serotonin levels, (which are low in depressed people) it is best taken with a high carbohydrate, minimal protein meal, like pasta with tomato & basil, and avoid protein for 90 minutes, before, and after, to maximise the amount crossing the blood/brain barrier.

Also, 80% of people in the Western world have low magnesium levels, and these are known to cause depression & anxiety. Try the magnesium supplement types shown in http://www.real-depression-help.com/ Some of these will be available in pharmacies, or supermarkets. Low levels of calcium, and potassium can also cause depression. Have your blood tested, and correct any deficiencies, preferably through improved nutrition.

An improvement can be noticed in as little as a week, if a deficiency is the cause. Also, iodised salt is much preferable to regular salt (one of the treatments in books on depression is iodine drops). Try to imagine, as vividly as possible, a time in the not too distant future, when you have overcome this temporary setback, and things are much better. *View section 2, on the first 3 pages, and also pages R, C, I, and section 11, at ezy-build.

Answer 5

hello, I'm sorry for you both, you are both best to going to see your gp together as they can send you to the proper people you will need to see to help with these problems ..hope all goes well ..good luck to both of you.

Answer 6

hi ,i am a lady who suffers from depression,and i know how hard things can get for you both,if she says hurtfull things,then try and let them go over your head,becease if she is like me,she says thingshurtful but dont mean them,i think becease we are hurting so much inside,we just hit out on the the ones we love.i dont think i am worth loving,and find it hard to know why my partner does love me ,i hope you have asked for help,its hard to find the right help,i have been trying for 20 years .good luck be strong TELL HER YOU LOVE HER EVERY DAY because she is suffering inside x*x

Answer 7

My husband is great with my depression.  I am 18 and married... He is 19.  At times it is very hard.  I have just gone through an anxiety episode that is lasting for a month so far.. I can't leave the house, I cry a lot, I need a lot of things from him.  

He is great.  It is going to be hard on you.  But right now... you are gonna be her savior.  Now that she's pregnant she is probably gonna be worse.  Just know that you are saving a life.  Treat her well.. let her have her breakdowns... hold her, help her through it.  You will be her best medication.  Reassure her that you are okay with her depression... it may start tearing her up inside because she knows she is hurting you.

You are a great man to sacrifice your complete happiness for someone you love who is in need.  Try to get her on medications once the baby is born... they help immensly.  

Thank you for supporting her.