Living with the bf?!?!? Please help?

Question

What are some of the challenges that I could possible face while living with the bf? I love him to death and I know that he loves me too. But i am afraid that I do not know what i am getting into.

What are common problems? Give examples if possible.

Also we live at his parents house and they like me... Is there going to be any tension? I hav not experienced it yet.

Please help

Answer 1

I don't recommend that you live in his parents house......you need your own privacy....

Answer 2

yes you are faced with many future problems, not being married and liveing like it is one already. What is wrong with total comment, I know its not cool anymore.

Answer 3

The first thing you'll have to accept is that you may not get what you want if you ever want to be married to him.  By shacking up, you're giving him all of the benefits of marriage without any of the full legal and moral commitment.  If he has that, he may never want more.

Yes, there will be tension living with his parents.  You will quickly learn that you don't have the privacy that you would like.  Little things will begin to get on your nerves and before you know it you'll be in a perpetual state of stress and/or anger.

My recommendation is to wait until you're married and can support yourselves.  There's no reason to rush this.  If what the two of you share is real, it will be there when you're more ready and able to commit.  If you don't want to believe me, search this forum for all the questions from people who are depressed over living with inlaws or living with a man who won't marry them.  You'll find hundreds.

Answer 4

How long have you two been together?  If you're scared of what you're getting yourself into, it might be to soon to live together.

Money is going to your biggest problem, spending and budgeting might mean two different things for the two of you so talk about that before you live on your own together.  I'm glad me and my fella did.

Answer 5

I am just gonna tell you a little something that I learned, I just got married and I went to pre marriage cons.

93% of the people that get a divorce, LIVED TOGETHER before marriage!!!

The reason why....is that when you live together before your married, it is so easy to just get mad...at little stuff....he didn't do this you didn't do that....so on and so forth.

I know people now days, say that you need to live together before to know if you can make it work, but the truth is when you get married, you are 100 times more likely to look over the little things, because you are MORE understanding with you husband that with a boyfriend.

Living with parents, to me is NEVER a good idea, because if ONE thing happens, they will probably hold it over your head forever....whether or not they tell you that!!!!!

Answer 6

If you are sexually active with your boyfriend, I can't imagine that living with his parents wouldn't cause extra tension.

Moving in with your boyfriend is usually a good idea, if you both are ready to take it to that level.  Moving into your boyfriend's parents house with him?  Maybe not so much.

As long as you are both on the same page about it being a temporary place, as you work to get yourselves a place of your own, you should be able to do it just fine.  If he is thinking you're going to be there for 1 year, and you are thinking it's only for 6 months, then you're probably going to have some problems about it, so be sure you talk with your boyfriend a lot about what the plan is, to make sure you're on the same page with him.

good luck!

Oh yeah, and definitely talk about money, bills, budgeting, financial goals, A LOT before doing this, so that you guys can talk about what you need, and where the money is going to go.  If one of you is trying to save as much money as possible to move out, but the other one thinks things are going well since they aren't paying rent and ends up spending a bunch of money on frivolous stuff, you'll probably have fights about money.  So, again, just make sure you talk about this stuff a lot before hand so there are no surprises.

Answer 7

Why are you living with his parents? If you really want to play house get your own !

Answer 8

It will be better if you live on your own.

Answer 9

don't let him get the milk for free--he needs to buy the cow 1st

Answer 10

Moving in with your BF and his parents in the same house might cause a little tension down the road.  Everyone's still on their best behavior right now because the situation's still new and everything, but like they say on the opening of The Real World, after a while, people stop being polite and start being real.  You may face conflicts with his parents, like if they expect you to do a lot of chores or to do them a certain way and you don't meet their expectations.  Tensions might also run high between you and your BF if you don't get enough "alone time," what with his parents being right there all the time.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd wait to move in with your BF until the two of you can afford to move into an apartment together, just the two of you.  I've never had to live with my BF's parents, but I have had to deal with a couple of roommates over the years, and they used to be a real source of tension between my fiance and me since they were his friends from high school.  We used to fight a lot more back when they lived with us than we ever do now that we live by ourselves.  Maybe waiting until you can move in together, away from his parents, would be a better idea in the long run.  

Answer 11

First of all, don't live with him and his parents.  You will have enough problems between the two of you without his parents constantly being there!  That is my first suggestion.  Imagine you guys arguing and his mommy coming in to take his side.  Also, one thing about living together is you get to test out the road for marriage and living with his parents is not going to be a true test of things.  Who does the cooking, cleaning, etc?  You will have a skewed look at things because his parents are there paying for groceries.  With me and my boyfriend our common "living together" problems are:

* who is going to do what and getting irritated with each other, for instance, if he takes out a glass I expect him to put it back which I think is a function left out of the Y chromosome

* we discuss where we are going to grocery shop because he earns more than me and also likes fancier foods, so we kind of bicker about how much to spend on groceries

* merging our things - I moved in with him so the apt. has all his stuff and I feel like I lost part of my identity. Also if things go bad, I realize that it is me who is out the door!

* you start wondering when are we going to get engaged?  In the woman's mind, it is a warm up for marriage or engagement and sometimes to a man he is thinking, "this is awesome!  I get all the s*x and cleaning and cooking and companionship that I want but without any commitment.  Sweet!"  I suggest having a timeline, like, okay I will live with you but I expect to be discussing engagement within six months.

* living with the parents, it is going to be three against one if you get into a fight.  And they will hear you have s*x.  And you have to wonder why he isn't independent enough to live on his own.  If he has never lived on his own, I wonder about his ability to be an independent man.  Can't go straight from mom's house to living with a wife, otherwise that new mom role will be yours!

* if he or you has lived on your own before, you might run into the problem of the alone time you are used to gettting.  doesn't exist anymore!

* lastly, you are going to go from romance to putting up with each others' sh** 24/7.

Overall though I am pretty happy with my situation. :)  But it's just us, not us and his parents.