Living with the reality that your ex-girlfriend is bearing my child?

Question

I just had the pleasure (or displeasure depending on how you look at it) of learning that my ex-girlfriend is pregnant with my child. I'm 28 and definetly wasnt expecting this, but have to live with the fact that I must live up to what I got myself into. The most worrysome part of this is that I didnt wish have anything to do with this woman after we seperated. We had a horrific relationship and its unfortunate, but we have no future together. I'm confused (to say the least) assuming this pregnancy goes forward what do I do? How can I be a good father under these circumstances? How will I ever date again? When can I date again? Should I wait until after after the baby, or continue to live my life for now? Do I give this (relationship) one 'final' shot knowing that it may do nothing? How do I prevent myself from being ruined financially? Is my life over? I'm scared and dont know what to do.

Answer 1

The last thing you need to be worrying about right now is dating- you will date again, of course but you kind of have bigger fish to fry right now. Your life isn't over but it's about to change in ways that you probably can't comprehend. You don't have to be a couple with your ex to be a great dad. If you are willing to give things a shot then go for it but if you KNOW things wouldn't work then it would be easier for a kid to grow up with you two seperated then have to deal with a seperation later. If you're seperate from the get go he/she won't know any different and kids would rather be FROM a broken home than IN one. Start saving every penny that you can because you'll need it. I can't say whether or not this will ruin you financially, time will tell but it's probably best to do what you can to stay on Mom's good side. Be supportive, go to the doctor's appointments if you can. It's normal to be scared, especially when the baby is a surprise but everything happens for a reason and even if it doesn't make sense now- it will someday. A baby is never a bad thing, it will be ok. =]

First things first though- when that baby is born get a DNA test! Good luck & hang in there!

Answer 2

It is an unfortuate situation, but people deal with it everyday.  Just keep living your life.  If you think you could work it out with this woman (though it really doesnt sound like it) then try.  If not feel no guilt in living your life.  You can continue dating, but don't get in too deep with a new woman unless she knows about your ex.  

You can be a good father, just BE THERE! Be there for your ex even though you don't get along, go to drs apts with her, go see the ultrasound.  And after the child is born, be there! Be involved with your childs life and things will be just fine.

Start saving your money now, babies do cost a lot and I assume that you will have to start paying child support.  You will be fine, and happier than you can imagine with your child!

Answer 3

don't ever put you life on hold been there for the child always hopefully mom is not one of those b---h's that won't let you see the baby like some of them do. your life is not over it's just starting

Answer 4

Relax you should be fine. I met my hubby 2 yrs ago and he had a 2 yr old then. it was difficult at first, and now that we are married and expecting one of our own, its getting better. i would not date until after the baby is born, some women might find it weird you have a baby on the way. to be a good father, go to court, pay your child support (which does affect your wallet, its affected ours- but make sure you work harder), and get visitation rights. do not go through with the relationship if it will only end in the end. my hubby decided to stay with his son's mom bc she was PG and it was horrible to him, her, and the baby. they (we ) are all much happier now.

Answer 5

Do not continue a relationship with a woman you don't love for the sake of this baby. It is the worst possible choice. Offer to help with expenses if you are in a position to, and make sure you make an effort ot be there for the important stuff (sonogram, birth, coming home form the hospital) Not for her sake but for your babies. You can try to remain friends but let her know that you don't want a relationship. Having a baby doesn't make things better, if anything it makes them worse. Plenty of good relationships have gone bad after having children, it is a lot of stress on even the best of relationships. You need to go on the way you were before, except now you need to start planning your future differently. If you are dating make sure to be honest with anyone you really like, you don't want to make it seem as if you are trying to hide it. And above all, CONGRATULATIONS!! Being a parent is the best and most precious responsibility you will ever have the pleasure of having.

Answer 6

First look at the facts...You are going to be a Dad.I'm assuming that you are 100% sure that this is your child.Regardless of your relationship with the baby's Mother, you have an obligation to be there for your child.

There are also other people to consider...and those include your parents, siblings and other extended family who will want to know and love your child.

Now the reality check....Your life is going to change but if you act like a man and not a little boy you will pull through this situation. You will be obligated to pay child support and you should want to...this is your baby too. You need to be caring and supportive to this woman who will be carrying your baby for 9 months. As far as giving the realtionship "one final shot"....no-one knows the relationship better than the two of you. Both of you need to sit down and have a long talk..without rehashing old hurts...take it from today and then move on....Does she want your emotional and/or financial support during her pregnancy? If she does...be there for her...you will never regret it. As far as a future for the two of you...if nothing else..stay friends...give your child the chance to grow up in a world surrounded by love. If you both move on to other relationships...be respectful to each other...you have a child together who should be your #1 priority.

Your life is far from over ....stay positive!

Answer 7

well you dont have to be apart of her life if you chose to be part of your childs life yes it is better for the baby if you could both be civil to each other but i understand there was no choice for you as this has happened to my husband as soon as his x got pregnant she left to claim welfare and childsupport and that is how she lives you will be responsible for your child wether you choose to be around or not and hey its not bubs fault and im sure your life is not over just be honest with people you meet some girls wont want anything to do with you and a child and some of us girls dont mind at all your just gona have to pull them socks up and deal with get dna to be sure dont pay for someone elses kid but hey im sure your gone love have one and you will relize once a f/night is not enough when you bond goodluck !