Long complicated story, but some insight would be appreciated.?

Question

Basic run down of my story.

Met a guy over a year ago, we talked on the phone often, then started seeing each other. Things moved quickly, I fell for him and it seemed he fell for me too. After a couple of months he called things off (I spoke to his friend who said his financial situation is the worst it's ever been and he's so stressed and doesn't want to drag me down, and doesn't have the energy to make someone else happy when he isn't happy himself). After a month or so, he called me up, crying and saying he missed me. We've been seeing each other ever since but not officially as anything. His financial situation has gotten worse (declared bankruptcy) and he's gone through the worst 6 months of his life (lost his dog - a loyal companion for over 10 years) and has been so depressed and suicidal at times. I've stuck by his side the whole time. For my birthday he bought me a "friendship" ring as thanks for everything I have done for him (he told me he wanted to get me a ring, and we picked it out together). We hang out all the time, I stay over sometimes. It seems so much more than a friendship. Because of his depression he pushes me away at times, saying I deserve better. And that one day I will meet someone else who is rich and can take care of me (which obviously I don't care about) which will hurt him, but he said I would always be his friend (says I'm his best friend) and made me promise we would always be friends no matter what. He says he sees me as a friend and in all of his last relationships he's always pushed the girl away. He had a terrible childhood and has no family. He once told me it was easier not to get close to anyone because you have less to lose. I asked him last night "Do you mean we won't be together for now - or not ever?" he said "I don't know". He told my sister a few months ago that he loved me (but hasn't told me because he "doesn't know how" - he said this to her). He cries when he tells me I deserve better and that he's confused. He said he knows what he should so (as in, be with me) but his mindset is totally different. He also says he's never been able to talk to anyone as openly and honestly as he talks to me. What do you think? Is there a chance he does love me, and is there hope for a relationship once he gets his life back on track? Sorry it's long, but I wanted to tell the whole story. I'm 25, and he's 35.

Answer 1

wow. um, he is 100% in love with you, so much so that he'd rather live alone and miserable if it ment your happyness. just keep pluging away i guess, one step at a time. i'd recommend that you don't date him until he gets his life in order though, for obvious reasons

Answer 2

there is a really good chance that this guy does love you i mean from what i've read don't let him go talk to him about it but don't rush either

good luck

Answer 3

yeah the guy sounds great. Its just that his hard to keep up with emotionally. You must be a great person nd friend to be sticking with him through all this. When you're depressed u feel lie pushing people away and just being alone, but after, you realise it was out of your control. Yes he prolly does love you and hes just waiting for a time when hes not so messed up to say it out loud. i agree with 'lollina'. He doesnt want to mess up your elationship by you seeing him like this all the time, what if you lose your love for him?

Answer 4

Based on this, the guy seems to totally be in love with you. That's probably why he cries so much. Because it says he doesn't want to get to close so he can't lose anything I'd recommend keeping up this "I'm an amazing friend" thing. Don't confront him about it thought. That'll come off awkward. When he's ready to tell you, he will.

Answer 5

This sounds extremely harsh but it sounds like this man is all over the place. He sounds very depressed and down and from what you've said it seems he has been that way since you met him. I don't see any quick fix to his problems and it doesn't sound like he has the mental strength to get through them easily. I think you're taking a HUGE emotional risk by sticking by him as you don't even know if he's interested in being with you. You may support him to find that he only leaned on you as a friend or he may never recover from his depression if he doesn't get proper help and your life with him could constantly be unhappy and uncertain. Personally, unless I loved him deeply and knew he wanted to be with me or even had a happy history with him, I would give him a wide berth for now, romantically at least. You can certainly provide support for him but his misery is guaranteed to drag you down too, with no promises of anything in the end. He needs lots of therapy, which you probably will not be a part of, possibly needs meds with a risk of then becoming dependent on them and some very strong financial advice. He needs a whole new perspective on life and they don't come without lots of time and hard work. He's going to go through a lot more hardship if it means facing his past before he will be ready for a future. The road to happiness is not an easy one. However, it is all possible. The question is, is he worth all of that to you?

Answer 6

Your taking on a mental case for sure. Best of luck.

Answer 7

it really sounds like he's going through alot and it seems sometimes he knows what he wants and other times he doesn't.

i know money is an issue in his situation but maybe counseling may be a good road to go down.

although you're always there for him, i'm sure there are some things he doesn't feel comfortable talking about with you (example: he loves you but doesn't know how to tell you; that kind of stuff)

but i would say stick it out and continue to stay by his side.

unless of course you feel that'd be a terrible mistake.

always remember: don't do it just to make him happy ...do it to make yourself happy!

:)

best of luck!

Answer 8

Yes, and yes. :) He seems like a very sweet guy.

Answer 9

The man he is to you and the woman you are to him are both based on his depression and the depressive attributes in the whole ball.  He does need professional counseling and it will not be a "quick fix".  You need to consider that if he does seek help and is able to overcome or at least manage his depression (as there may be more here than we realize) he may see you as part of "that life" rather than forging a new one, based on more than his depression.  Tread very carefully.  DO be a friend to him but not an enabler.  There are clinics available all over the country that offer free or reduced services, based on financial situation.  He needs to find one, and soon... for both your sakes.  Good luck!!

Answer 10

Sounds like he is depressed, and has been for a very long time, which means clinical depression.  I wouldn't count on him getting back on his feet without the professional help of a psychiatrist.

Answer 11

This guy definitely is "head over heels" in love with you but he is so uncertain if he could ever give you a good life. He also feels unworthy for you. He loves you so much though he pushes you away. His actions tell me he wants to tell you he has not much to offer you (at least for now) but is trying to let you decide if you will still accept him as he is. The fact that he told your sister means he wants you to know how much he loves you and do not really want you to go.

The ball is in your court, lady. Can you live with a man like him? If you really do not mind his status, then by all means convince him so. Tell him that you will walk thru life with him no matter what. Oops, did I put words in your mouth? Seriously, look into your heart.

He is so in love with you. But no one should frown upon you if you choose to leave him believing nothing good will come out of it. You are on a crossroad. God bless.

Answer 12

Well, you are definitely in a hard position.  First of all, you have to really think hard about where you want your life to go, and then realistically decide if this man can help you get there.  When people are young, like yourself, they seem to want to help and fix partners.  As a 38 year old woman, I can relate to how you are feeling.  But experience, my own and my friends, tells me that you can't fix other people.  Your question is "Is there a chance he loves me and is there hope for a relationship once he gets his life on track?"  There is a chance he loves you and a relationship in the future could work.  But how long and at what cost are you willing to take to find out?  It's my personal experience that if a man says you are his best friend, that is exactly what you are.  A friend.  You are so young, and you could miss a bunch of great opportunities waiting for "a chance".  While I know that you must feel like you will never feel this way for anyone else, it's seldom true.  There is no shame in looking around, while you wait for him to get back on track.  If it is meant to be, it will be.  Just don't let life pass you by while you wait.