Long term psychological abuse?

Question

have you or are you married and dealing with this problem?

by long term I mean you've been married 12 + years.

how did you get out and/or how are you planning to get out, ifyou are, and if you're going to stick it out, why? and how will you?

okay thanks for the answers, I will choose a best answer.

Answer 1

I've not been married nearly as long as you, nor am I in your situation, but I'd like to offer some words of advice anyway that I hope you'll listen to.

I don't condone divorce, and I feel that unless there is infidelity or abuse, you should work through your differences no matter what.  That being said, I feel that psychological, emotional, or verbal abuse is STILL abuse, and it needs to be addressed and taken care of.

Can your husband/wife change their ways, or are you destined to adhere to this abuse for the rest of your life if you remain in the marriage?  If they are unwilling or unable to change, then please leave.  You need to value yourself as a person and the quality of your life more than to allow yourself to remain in such a marriage.

I know it's probably hard, especially given the amount of time you've been with him.  It makes you want to stay, because it's all you know at this point.  I'd try getting a therapist to help you out, or possibly finding some close friends or family to stay with temporarily until you can work things out on your own.  You don't need your spouse to be a part of your life if he/she is going to abuse you.  It takes a great deal of courage to leave an abusive relationship, but you need to remind yourself that you're worth saving.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Answer 2

After 9 years......Changed the locks.  Changed my phone no.  He came back and hit me a few times, called the police, pressed charges and got a restraining order.  He moved out of state since then.

Answer 3

My friend was married to that kind of man for 11 years, and got out.  They don't change, and they only get worse.  There is no reason to stick it out unless you enjoy having your head rearranged everyday, and being punished for trying to enjoy life.

Answer 4

it's hard b/c your mind controls you.  We are masters of our own minds.  If we have been in a psychologically abusive marriage, the first step is acknowledging it.  The second step is preparing what to do next.  It's hard b/c you are going against what you mind tells you not to do, but consciously you know the "right" thing to do.  Twisted and crazy I know.  Then throw a dash of Emotional abuse too...you are just a wreck!!  then kids OMG...Forget it is what you tell yourself.  Each day turns into a month, then year, then so on....  You have to believe in yourself. Knowledge is the key when dealing with pyschological abuse, educate what you are going thru and counter act the abuse.

Answer 5

My aunt was married for well over 12 years to the man she just got a divorce from.  He was one of the worst I've seen.  One day she finally had enough and got the help she needed to find a job and get her own apartment.  He always threatened to take her daughter away from her, but she got herself a lawyer.  She now lives in her old house he pay half the rent, 450 a month in child support, plus her daughters insurance.  It all comes down to finally having the courage to stand up for yourself.  I hope it all works out for you.  You can also look into women shelters around your area.