Looking for a book to help me understand why anybody would want kids?

Question

I'm a 21 year old newlywed (we just got through that infamous first year and we're even more in love) and was raised away from other families. I was an only child, my husband the oldest of three. I don't have the slightest clue of why somebody would want to have a family, go through childbirth or throw their lives away to raise children. But I know it's probably just my lack of knowledge and my distant (and tortured) childhood that makes my feel this way. I'd like to understand my husband's lust for a family and, while there's no hurry, maybe want it for us as well. Does anybody know of a book that could teach me about what happens during pregnancy and/or the positive side of investing in a family? Any personal input would be welcomed as well! Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

I also think you have plenty of time. I had my first at 28 and now I have 4 children. Enjoy some time alone, take a nice vacation every year, if you have children you may not be able to do so. I look at life like I want to change what I didn't have. I have one older sister who has always been a b**** to me, my parents never did anything. My children are very close. I have an 8,6,2 & newborn. The older two are bestfriends and I hope the younger two will be as well. I never knew kids could be so much fun, they get so excited over the little things you do for them. If you grew up lonely and didn't have a great childhood well you can give that to someone. If you have two children you can show them happiness and love and how to be friends with eachother. Children are a blessing! I would not rush it at 21 I didn't want children either. If you are truly in love with your husband think how amazing it will be to have a little person the two of you created.

I agree with Pippin you all should have discussed this before marriage, it is rather important.

Answer 2

I don't know of any books about that - but I can tell you that for a long time I didn't want kids either.   You are newly married, and young, and that is perfectly normal.  Over time, you may find that you are lacking something... and you may decide to bring a child into the world.  But you have SO much time to think about that.  I would say, just take things day by day and don't pressure yourself to make a decision.  My husband has always wanted kids, but I never did. Now that we are married nearly 4 years, and we too are more in love each passing day, I have been having the feeling that having a child with this man would be the ultimate expression of our love.  So give it some time, and enjoy not having kids right now!  You have about 20 years before you have to worry about having kids lol.  I am 33, and I want to have children (if I am going to have them!) before I am 40.  So you really have plenty of time to develop that kind of love between you.  Good luck and congratulations on your first year!  May there be many more years filled with bliss for you!

Answer 3

There is no reason to rush into it...you can wait a good 10 years if you want BUT kids are great, they make you feel great and I think you will change your mind.

Answer 4

why book you ether want kids or dont its that easy my older sister never wanted children and never had them   and leads a very happy life as for me i chose to have kids and am to very happy with my life

Answer 5

There is no book that can answer this question for you, or even explain it.  (It would be like reading a book to learn why people like chocolate ... or waterskiing.)  

Most people want children.  It's a combination of cultural factors, and the natural, inborn tendency of ALL species to reproduce themselves.

But some people dont' want children, and that's ok too.  If you would find raising children unpleasant, you should not have them.  

BUT ... this is surley something you and your husband should have worked out BEFORE you got married.  If he desperately wants kids, and you are sure you don't them, this is a huge gulf in your  life goals, and one of you is going to end up miserable.  It isn't, after all, the sort of thing you can compromise on.

Answer 6

Just read Little Women and watch Meet Me in St Louis.

Gets me every time!