Looking for good information on healthy anger management in relationships...?

Question

My wife's anger philosophy is to express it honestly and fully. "If you don't express it, it'll bottle up and explode worse later on. It's not honest. Or healthy." You could say she takes this to extremes: yelling/being cold are OK when she’s upset, her words are hurtful, it’s painfully obvious the target’s point of view and feelings are deemed insuperior, reasoning is pointless until later. Other problems are dealt with aggressively also. In fact, she wants more of this from me because “it’s mentally healthy,” and regards my “control” of anger as poor communication.

I am a soft husband. I hate confrontation to a fault, want to work out problems peacefully, am emotionally wounded easy *by loved ones* which in male fashion I don't show but HAVE made very evident, believe honey works better than vinegar in most situations. I like who I am. She, as do some others, views my approach as "not caring.” No complaints when I don't attack them, though.

Any thoughts/sites/books on this??

Answer 1

your wife sounds cruel and vicious. if you really love someone it would be to difficult to unload on them that way. she sounds like a nut case. sorry if i hurt your feelings.

Answer 2

there have been a few really good books - the one i used while a counselor in a drug facility described the ten major anger 'styles.'  It explains the different ways folks use anger to manipulate their environment.  It should be an eye-opener for you (and her if you can get her to read it).