Losing Your Mother?

Question

Would you have more empathy for a person who lost their mother, say in childbirth, and was then raised by different people than is generally shown to people who were adopted as children?

Answer 1

no, i think tragedy is tragedy and must be faced in individual circumstances.  i respect all who have been through it regardless of the reasons.

Answer 2

accept the reality ,,,,and move on....mom even already dead would like me to be happy and continue with my life...

Answer 3

I personally have more empathy for someone who lost thier mother in childbirth, because usually there isn't someone to step in as a female caregiver.

Most children adopted as babies are adopted to male/female couples and therefore have the influence of both sexes right from birth.

That is not to say that the emotional loss of the adoptee is any less, I just feel it is easier for an adoptee to grieve if they are given the chance, then someone who lost their mother and then had to go through their life not knowing who to turn to for girly advice.

Answer 4

I have lived two sides of maternal loss. I lost my natural Mother at birth due to being placed for adoption and then at 14 I lost my adoptive Mother to asthma and chronic lung disease. I have empathy for anyone who looses a Mother at any stage.

The loss of my natural Mother is so much deeper than the loss of my adoptive Mother. I can't explain why this is so. Give me another 20 years of therapy on top of the 10 I already have and maybe I will be able to answer that.

Answer 5

I think the point of the question is that most adoptees are constantly bombarded with the message that they are not allowed to grieve,  It would upset their adoptive parents, they should just be grateful to not be aborted, weren't they very wanted, along with the assumption that adoptive parents are kind and loving and must have wanted the adotpees very much.

Completely missing the fact that in typical adoptions the adoptive parents wanted their own child, settled for any adopted stranger's child, telling someone they have no right to their feelings as they don't even really deserve to be alive (in reference to the abortion comment) and are actually expected to be grateful for their losses by  the dominant paradigm.  

It is incredibly disrespectful to the individual involved.

Answer 6

I'm not sure what the point of the question really is. One very important thing I was taught years ago is to not compare pain. People feel empathy for different reasons and everyone is different. There's no question that a child who is given up for adoption has experienced rejection. Children who are adopted often feel an intense rejection from their birth mother their entire life. Many adopted children have a hole in their heart that can not be filled. I have two children who we adopted and I know the pain they feel. However, I think there is a beautiful and very positive side to adoption and i think children who were adopted into safe and loving homes with families who wanted them feel very loved and wanted and do not need "empathy" for their plight on a regualr basis. They are happy children. There is also the very real fact that children can be reunited with their birth mother and have a loving and close relationship with each other -- along with their adoptive families.

I think there is tragedy when a mother dies when her children are still young. If the child is lucky enough to have someone take over immediatley and become their mother in every sense of the word -- that's great for the child and certainly eliminates some of the immediate trauma for the baby. As this child grows up, she should be told that her mother died and be permitted to feel (and encouraged to do so) all the sadness involved in losing her mother. Death of a parent is very sad and there is no "happy" part. The child should not be made to feel guilty about wanting and longing for and missing her mother. Same thing is true for adoption but, there is the fact that it was planned to be that way. The situations are different and each deserves empathy and they should not be "compared" as I said in the beginning!