Losing hope.. what do i do now?

Question

i'm losing hope. seriously.

i have been with my boyfriend on and off for 3 years. within that time period we broke up for 6 months.

he was my best friend before we became an official couple. and i've known him since i was 6 years old. .

everything for the first 14 months went smoothly, ofcourse we had our arguments.. but what couple doesn't. we broke up about God knows what, & a week later we were still trying it out. my friend, tony, and i started texting each other. he texted me how much he missed me. and my bf seemed to be there. he read it & god all types of mad. he ended up pushing me to the ground & pointing his finger directly i my face. literally like 2 inches away. but we ended up breaking up officially.. (for 6 months)

within the 6 months, i've gone out & done stuff with other guys. i've had 2 other boyfriends and a couple flings. i was becoming social again & hanging with friends like no other. i went out EVERYDAY. but i'm not saying ididn't miss him. and within that 6 months.. we did go out for maybe 2 days each time. (maybe around 4 times)

i'm tired of the break ups & make ups, but a couple months ago. when we got back together, i told him about my summer days what i did. and now? he makes me feel bad almost EVERYDAY about what happened when it happened a year ago. he calls me a h**. sl*t. bi**h. nanaa, we even had a day where he called me sh*t faced drunk, & i was at school still. i LEFT SCHOOL walked to the bus stop like a mile away & went to his house. he opened the door & fell to the ground. he took off his ring (which signifies: once we take it off, tht means we dont love each other anymore) & it fell to the ground.. he broke stuff that i made him right in front of my face and ripped letters. ouch, right? but he also slapped me, choked me, picked me up from the ground with my HAIR.. i can't believe he would do that stuff, but he did. i downed 9 pills. tylenol. 500mg. felt cold, but he didnt care. i was hurting that whole day. he didn't seem to care, or even check up on me. i called him while i was walking back to the bus stop crying telling him i was cold, he didnt care. my heart was hurting..

my attitude is CRAZY. i always give it to him, i'll admit that. but all he does get from me is attitude. but him? he gives me bs. & EVERYTHING.

there was even a phase where i had reasonS to believe he was cheating on me. but i dropped it, i don't want to believe it "/

everything's good now, he's containing his thoughts.

but even when i was at my best (girl) friend's house, he didn't believe me. asked to talk to her, asked her to prove it was her, & made me take pictures.

i don't know what to do anymore..

i can't just leave, anyone who's in love right now.. should believe it isn't that easy. i've known him since i was SIX YEARS OLD, he's been my bestfriend FOREVER. so iwouldn't just be leaving my boyfriend, but i'd be leaving my BEST FRIEND also "/

i just need to breathe.. & im concerned with his physical abuse to me.

i don't know what to do..

i'm losing hope..

Answer 1

It's hard. I know. But you will regret not leaving him one day! Yu deserve so much better than that, if he can't treat you with respect and love, you need to let it go. I see this everyday with my best friend, she's dating my brother and he treats her like ****. She can't leave him because she loves him but I see her wasting away everyday. He uses her and treats her like sh**. You need to tell him it's over and that you are going to need time apart before you can even be friends again but tell him in the future you still want to maintain a friendship. You miht love him, but he does not love you. He loves what you give him and how you let him treat you. That is not love. I get so frusterated everyday with my friend for not leaving my brother when I know she can do so much better. You need to really think about what this has done to you and make the right choice. If you can't do it alone, ask your parents and friends for help. Their love is real and they will help you get back on track! I mean seriously, read what you just wrote to all of us! It doesn't sound healthy at all! How can you read that and want to be with him? There are so many guys out there that will treat you so much better, leave him and go find one! Good luck. If you need to talk, which I have much experience in this, email me [e-mail]. Sometimes having an outside opinion and help makes all the difference. Good luck!

Answer 2

Oh wow, it sounds like he does not respect you at all.  "LOVE IS NOT ABUSE" with that said. <If he can not trust you,how can he respect you? If he can not repect you, how can he love you? if he can not love you, why stick around, why be with him?> It is just so painfull to read your story, you sound like a sweet, smart girl and to hear that youare a with douche  like that it is just soooooo wrong. I hope you do the rwright thing and realize that you are so much better off with out him. Heis a coward and bully

Answer 3

Yeah you are in a typical 21st cen relationship. You girls today. Just let him keep slapping you around honey. Maybe one day he will kill you and it will be over. Go out and f*#% you a few more guys before you go crying back to him though. Then every few months break up. Repeat. Modern relationships. Just got to love them.

Answer 4

Leave him.  You already know you should or you wouldn't say "don't tell you to do it".  Of course it will be hard.  This guy was your first and you've known him forever, but if he treats you that way, he's not the one for you.  And it's not going to get better, it's just going to get worse.  You don't need to stay with the first guy you were ever with anyways.  Leave him behind, get out there and live a little.  You're young, there will be other loves.  Sure, losing your first love hurts and you'll always remember him with a little ache in your heart, but that's the way life is.