Loss of love for husband after baby?

Question

6 months ago i gave birth to a beautiful baby boy at the age of 21. My fiance and i were together for six months when we got pregnant but were not concerned because we were head over heals only a month after we started dating. I use to feel so much love for him but then after my son was born it seems to have disappeared. I don't know if it is because i feel like i was rushed into this serious relationship or if it is just because i got use to him being away (we moved but he moved over a month before me and only came back on the weekends). I am pretty sure i still love him. I get worried when he runs late still and i couldn't imagine life with out him. But i don't miss him when he is gone anymore and i don't cry when i look deep in his eyes like i use to. Why is this? Did i fall out of love? Or am i just so involved with my son that i have put my husband on the back burner? Or maybe now that my son is born it just feels like i don't love my husband because of the comparison to the love i have for my son? Help, i am so confused.

Answer 1

post partum depression . i will come back if it was ever there .

Answer 2

Of course you still love your husband but now you have someone else to share your love with, that really needs you. Find a great babysitter and you and your husband should go away for the weekend. That should bring back those old feelings you thought were gone. I know its hard to leave baby, try not to call so much to check in on the baby.

Answer 3

Maybe u just are so in love with your baby, that u lost the love for ur husband...maybe give it 6 more months, and then maybe u will feel the love again....good luck, and congrats with the baby boy!!!

Answer 4

You dont need him now right?  You got what you wanted and now he is a burden.

Answer 5

To me it sounds like you are grown up, and are really in love, you know the kind of love that goes deep. The feelings you where talking about sounded like infatuation,and teen adoration,  but now you have the deep feelings that comes with maturity. You have commitment, and know that he will come home to you. Your secure in your relationship.

Answer 6

Many married people lose love for each other.  The reasons are many.  The important thing is there has been no cheating and that you both are able to ge along.  There are 2 very important things to consider, you are married to him and there is a child.  Do your best to try and make things work out.  Many people think that feelings once had will be there forever.  That isn't the case.  Don't make the mistake many do.  They  leave a good spouse in search of a fairy tale romance.  That with time will also fade.  If you at one time loved him, the good thing is there is a high chance you can love him again.  He has probably lost some feelings for you as well.   It is only normal, after a time of seperation.  That's why I don't believe in long distance relationships.

Answer 7

i had a similar experience.  for me it was because my hubby changed after i had my 1st baby.  i was busy taking care of the baby and i guess he sort of felt left out so....he was going out ALL the time.  this made me really depressed and angry and he of course did not understand.  it took a while but we worked things out...relationships take soo much work ad there are many ups and many downs...dont give up too early

Answer 8

Don't be so hard on yourself. Just chill for a while.  YOU just gave birth you have hormones raging in your body and they won't get back to normal for a while.  Your motherly nurturing skills and feelings have kicked in as they should. SO just enjoy this little blessing and appreciate your partner as positively as possible.  If you loved him SO much before birth - chances are this is just a normal part of the after birth experience and it will return to normal eventually.  Try to be sensitive to him and even express to him your concern and that you hope you aren't neglecting him and for him to be patient with you.  Talk,communicate and just enjoy this new baby you BOTH have. LIFE changes after children - thats ok.  It's a normal part of maturity.

Answer 9

It's not unusual for some emotional changes after a child.

1. You've been through a big ordeal and feel more confident, so you aren't relying so totally on him.

2. You have gone from the center of attention to the child who is now the center of attention. So sometimes it feels like a connection has been lost.

3. You've gone from having few demands on your husband to having many demands for the sake of the child. This causes stress.

4. You got married rather quickly. The polish on the apple has come off (as it would in any relationship).

5. You have a new person in the world who will return your affections. This causes some displacement of your husband.

6. You're body is going to go through changes for the next year coming off the pregnancy, leading to unaccustomed feelings.

Now these are not unusual and every married couple has to work through them.

You need to look at these challenges as YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to correct. Take ownership of your marriage so to speak.

Marriage, believe it or not, is not about love. It's about LIKE. You can fall out of love with someone in a week. But your FRIENDS are with you forever.

It's time to make this man your friend. Would you allow a relationship with your best friend to exist with these troubles?

I doubt it. So it's time for relationship building. And thats a girl's specialty. Infact, it's her responsibility.

You know how guys go downstairs to fight the burglars and lift heavy objects and maintainence the car? It's because we were built for it.

Well you were built to fight relationship issues and lift heavy moods, and maintainence the marriage. You're built for it.

So reconnect with your man. And you've got to make the first move on this. Girls always need to take the initative when it comes to relationships. If you wait for him to do it, it won't happen (because he's preoccupied with feeding, sheltering, and providing...not relating).

Make the decision today that YOUR MAN...is your BEST FRIEND. Furociously guard his welfare, make sure he's getting plenty of hugs and kisses and loving (yes, even when you've got a head ache). Keep his body filled with good things, and keep your house a place of happiness. Compliment him compulsively. Ask his assistance frequenty, then show him gratitude everytime. Praise him in public. If your friends are knocking their husbands, stick up for yours.

After all he's YOUR MAN. Nobody insults YOUR MAN. No way. No how. Period. He's YOURS.

And be very very careful not (and this may sounds a little weird) to replace your husband with the child. Don't make him compete for attention and affection. Affection is something girls never run out of. So spread it around liberally.

At the end of the day, your child will leave you...and all you'll have is YOUR MAN. So take really really really good care of him.

And you know what? You do these things consistently, and your man will reflect all that love and attention back on you. You will be in the middle of an ever-growing nimbus of love, affection, loyalty, and compassion.

But it has to start with you.

Good Luck! I think you'll do just fine!

Answer 10

It's normal to feel a disconnection with your spouse after having a baby.  First of all your hormones are trying to get back to normal, second it can be somewhat stressful with a new one in the house.  They are such a blessing but tons of work that is normally placed on mom.  You may be feel less than attractive and worn out.  Maybe schedule some you and him time and get back to the basics again. Your love for son is going to be a strong but different love than one like your husband's.  You are totally normal to feel like this.  I'm sure you will get back on track with hubby soon..  :)

Answer 11

maybe you aren't looking at your relationship from the right perspective, before it was just the two of you now its most of the time just you and your son. when you look at your husband look at him as the father of your son, the only person that has ever gave you this kind of gift. without him you wouldn't have that same baby and you wouldn't have the love you have for your son. if your husband is still there for you and his child then what more can you ask for? i don't think you fell out of love, you just need to rekindle that love you originally had and those sparks. go out on a date night with him leave the baby with family and concentrate on him and only him, get dolled up and get him excited they way you use to, hopefully you guys will connect on the same level and who knows you might be expecting #2 sooner than you thought.

Answer 12

It's because you're feeling a deeper love towards your child. It's a mother instinct. You're still in love with him, but you're baby comes before anything.

Answer 13

I think your getting your feelings for your sonand the feelings for yor husband confused. They are differnt kinds of love. You cant expect to feel exactly the same to both of them. Romance dwindles with time,  but just because things arent at dramatic as they used to be doesnt mean you dont love him as much. Thats what happens when you grow and get older.  

Answer 14

Your involved with caring for your child you don't have time to entertain ideas like you used to, like sitting around wondering where he is or wondering why he did this or that.  I don't think your falling out of love but you are getting comfortable with the idea of being married and getting into a routine about life.