Lost lust....my latest poem?

Question

When the avalanche isolates you and the impression of being lost in your womb

The solitude slips in, with lacerations in your mind

Lust for rush grips tight to disconnect you from your being

One night of passion only to get deeper and abandon emotion

Consuming the unforgiving, destruction of my containment

Eternity escapes your exhausted affection and binds you still

The unsettling question of every aspect, I hesitate to speak

With the constant perception that in an instant it all could be displaced

Sleeping lightly you embrace my skin and wake me from my dream

In the end just hold me sturdy until I feel numb with contentment

Answer 1

Interesting perspective.  Some of your lines don't finish or enjamb into the next, like lines one and two...line one ends "and the impression of being lost in your womb"...you could correct this by saying, "and you get the impression..."   Some of the lines seem a little contrived, as if you put too many adjectives in for effect rather than substance.  Still, there is a raw quality to the poem that I like.

Have someone read this to you out loud, take notes, don't correct the reader, just edit it once they're done...and keep writing.