Love - Do you fall or do you choose?

Question

A friend and I disagree. She says that love is simply a feeling. You have no control over it, either it's there or it isn't. I on the other hand disagree. Of course i believe there should be an attraction and obviously a person should never feel they are forcing themselves to stay with a person their dating. However, I believe that when it comes down to saying "I do" or making a commitment for forever then choice must come in. You must choose to love that person no matter what happens. What are your opinions?

Answer 1

i fall...or should i say slide slowly into love. its not instant...love is supposed to grow over time. there is that first attraction and then if that is strong enough, the rest goes from there. i commit because i feel that i love someone, not because it seems like the right choice.  

Answer 2

I think you fall in love. When you meet the perfect someone you just fall in love. You cannot choose to love someone - it doesn't work like that. You just fall in love with someone because of the type of person they are.

Answer 3

you can chose a person but truth is love choses you

Answer 4

Falling in love means making a choice subconsciously.

Answer 5

Fall used by men

Choose used by ladies

Deny used by Dogs. well u know all the rubbish type.

Answer 6

I think that you can eat a piece of chocolate and have no control over your reaction to it.  That is something that is either there or it isn't.  I would hope that "falling in love" isn't like that.  There should be reasoning behind even falling in love.  It's a calculated leap of faith!

I agree with you, you choose to love no matter what happens.  I am not certain of your age, but must say as I get older I find that Love is the most important thing I choose to do.  It is more important than work, more important than status and better than any chocolate I've ever eaten.

Answer 7

I fall, I fall, I fall!!!!......and after I think.

Answer 8

im guessing you fall but idk

Answer 9

Nothing is simple, when it comes to explaining human beings.

From what I've seen and learned all Man's decisions boil down to irrational drives (such as instincts, desires, etc.) although they can always be justified rationally.

My opinion is that choices are already made when a person finds her/himself in the actual situation to make a choice. For instance, once a child touches a hot stove s/he already choses not to touch burning objects again. Similarly, when the child tastes candy bar s/he choses to eat it whenever s/he comes across with it.

What makes love more than physical attraction is Man's ability to rationally choose between irrationally appealing things. I may feel attraction toward many women but I am only in love with my wife.  

Answer 10

I think many people can't tell the difference between emotions and heart. They are not the same. Which is why so many divorces.

  

  Real love is wanting the best" for and of " the other person always. It is unselfish.  (which is rare)

Your right one should choose carefully if they want true happiness before they say I do.  It's foolishness not to. To follow just emotions with no thought shows issues. But the part of no matter what happens--I don't agree with. You might still care for someone but if you allow some things--it won't make for true happiness.

Choose would be the more sensible stable person's answer. And isn't  that what you need in a real good relationship?

We control our emotions in other areas--do you slap everyone who deserves it?

  Many are in love with the idea of love. Thats what they fall for.

Answer 11

What you're friend sees as having no choice is the state of making her choices emotionally, and then declining to use logic to evaluate if they are good choices.

Of course that's eaiser said than done, because most of our decisions are made emotionally and Logic really evolved to help us GET, rather than DECIDE, what we want.

Most young women can logically evaluate problems with their relationships, but until they've been through a couple of heartbreaks there is no emotional strength to their logical conclusions; which makes it hard to override the original emotional decision.

Which is to say, the young FALL in love, while Adults have a choice.

Answer 12

I would say it is both. Love is felt in our heart and cannot be forced, but it is us alone which makes the decision to follow it and grow it. So you are right too. If we feel love then we can make the conscious decision to listen to it, follow it, work on it, and if we would not do it we most likely would then follow another path and might even lose this love. Love also asks us more then anything to overcome our own weaknesses, but also this asks lots of effort and conscious decision making from us.

So I believe you both made valid points.  

Answer 13

Anyone who is ruled only by feelings and emotions is going to make many mistakes. Feelings may be perverse, and they are not the most mature faculty we have, so allowing them to rule you is the same as having a baby as emperor, e.g. Pu Yi of China. These feelings can easily change radically overnight for no good reason. I say your friend is in for much trouble with such an attitude.

Answer 14

both i think. i remember choosing to fall inlove with someone, but then i couldn't pull myself out of it and it reali wrecked me emotionally. I think when you fall inlove with someone it is a strong emotion and it would be only a feeling if things were simple when it came to this.

   If it was simple it would only be 'i love him, he loves me, we should be together' but unfortunately sometimes things get complicated, for example if he becomes and alcoholic, or if one of you are going through a reali tough time which can affect both of you deeply, you need to either make a decision to love him unconditionally and stay by his side through everything no matter what. Or you could choose to leave him because you cant help and its it wrecking your life being with this guy, even tho either way you will still have this reali strong feeling towards him.

    It tends to be about accepting your emotions purely as a gut feeling, and logically asking yourself if this is reali what is making you happi :D

hope i helped, have a good day!

Answer 15

I agree.  But some times they tell you that they love you.  When all they really want is what you own.

Answer 16

You're making it sound very complicated.  And it is.  But only to a point.  If you let your heart guide you, and I mean completely guide you, then you'll know when you fall in love.  I've always said that you can't pick who you love.  When it comes to marriage, yes there's a choice involved.  But in regards to your feelings toward someone, you fall.  End of story.

Answer 17

you always have a choice...

even if you feel like falling head over heels for someone, you always have the choice to rebuke that feeling.

and as they say - sometimes love isn't enough! so you have to think thoroughly especially when faced with such a huge decision.

Answer 18

Well i do agree that love is simply a feeling on which nobody has control but i must tell u that it isnt good becoz what we see today is a world full of selfish and heartless people all over. So, in my opinion work with ur mind not vid ur heart otherwise u wud be betrayed in this relationship, i dont say that good peole dont exist but u wud have 2 b extremly lucky to have that person in ur life who's caring and concerned abt only YOU AND YOU      

Answer 19

you fall in love and its a feeling, but for marriage and such it takes two, and it takes effort to make it work, love isnt glue to hold two people together BUT u dont choose ur feelings, like u dont choose the food u like and dislike..just comes naturally.

Answer 20

You are love blessed one, everything is love coming into existance to know and love itself. The trouble is that most people seem to suffer from a case of mistaken identity. : )

Answer 21

I think you choose. I think part of the confusion is that we confuse what love is in this world. Love is not a feeling. It is a conscious decision on our part to treat another as we would ourselves, to do what is in our power to make their lives as rich as possible. It is action that may or may not be accompanied by loving feelings.

Madeleine L'Engle discusses this idea in A Circle of Quiet (this is not one of her "children's books", and well worth a read). She says that love is policy. You may love your parents or your spouse, but at times have angry feelings toward them. It is when we decide to act in a way that's best for them regardless that is love.

Great question