Love Paradox?? If we can't be loved until we love ourselves..?

Question

If we can't be loved until we love ourselves, and we are always seeking love, then doesn't that mean we can never be loved?

... so either you don't have to love yourself before you can love others or love is just two people who don't love themselves willing to love each other.

Answer 1

that's a popular misconception. It is incorrect that we must love ourselves first. Self-love must come last. We should put others first.

Answer 2

No paradox because loving one's self is a myth and lie of modern psychology.

Answer 3

Yes many of us seek love, but that doesnt mean we dont love ourself. It's one thing to love yourself, but another to find someone who loves themself and you!

Answer 4

Wow, very nicely put. I think that saying could be interpreted in several ways.

I myself look at it as; If you don't love yourself or anything about yourself (I.E. looks etc.) You're going to wonder why does he/she love me? What's so special about me? and you will question your relationship to death. I used to question myself then ran across this very saying. Then thought to myself. I really need to lighten up and enjoy what I have and not worry about what I don't have.

I hope to see more replies. I find other people's thoughts, theories and feelings very interesting.

Answer 5

I think the paradox can be resolved by questioning the validity of the maxim that "we can't be loved until we love ourselves."

Very few people love everything about themselves.  If they did they would be very egotistical and deluded.  In fact, people are more lovable if they are willing to be open and admit their faults and insecurities.  Then they do not entirely love themselves, but others can certainly love them, warts and all.  Otherwise, there would be very few, if any, love relationships in this imperfect world.

Often sayings such as this go to extremes.  In this case, it is true that to be loved enduringly, it is very helpful to mostly like or love yourself-- mostly, not totally and unrealistically.  If you do not mostly like yourself, another person can still love you, but your insecurities will interfere with the relationship, since if you dislike yourself, you will not believe that someone else could love you.  

Often, this leads to thinking that your loved one is being unfaithful, since you see others as being more lovable than yourself.  But someone can still love you.  It is just that the relationship would be stormy and perhaps unsuccessful in the long run.

Great question!  It helps people to question some of these teachings of our culture to see if they really fit reality, or if they are only partly true.