Lover of Insanity (revised)?

Question

I've added some more stazas, but I don't know which version I like better, tell me what you think? Thanks.

Lover of Insanity

We stand on the brink

Between life and death

Seeing two worlds at once

And living with each breath.

We live amongst beauty

We live amongst pain

This world is our masked reality

From what I've seen, it is all the same.

We are fed lies for dinner

We digest them easily

For the world in which we live

Is too dire to live truthfully

Eyelids frozen, we can only stare

Into the liquid and unblinking eyes

Of our fallen and forgotten brothers

Yet we can imagine their tortured cries

You see every detail

But only between each blink.

You taste the false hope of life

The flavor is sour, yet you continue to drink

You live as a cat does.

Lazy lives full of milk to swallow.

Your tail is only a longer end

Baiting the world to follow

Answer 1

This shows some sophisticated poetic abilities. You are good at drawing pictures with words. The Bad News? This is way too long. Only a master can keep people's attention this long. I try to say everything in 2 or 3 stanzas.

Answer 2

Pretty good he"s my reply philosphy to life

I’m smoking cigarettes

At the dinner table

I have my pet monkey

On my lap

Listening to rap

sounds to me like c**p

someones hollering

at a truck stop

I give him beers

For tea & breakfast

He always says thanks

He sometimes thinks

He’s Napoleon

Dressed as prince

Nonchalant

With a grapevine moon

Shining down upon his tail

He sometimes puts & sends me up a tree

When he starts to wail

Sounding like Oprah Winfrey

Selling TV dinners to turkeys

Aint that a shame

For a cute monkey

Who’s only playing a game?

for life is something

we cant tame

for all her faults

for all her bane ?

my monkey

found out

lifes questions

and his name is Shane

Answer 3

I'd like to see the one part the "I am" picked out of there and made into its own poem.  It is so different than the rest.  As I said before it is great stuff, but it does seem to go on and on and the point is getting lost.  But there are very good images in it!!!