M i overreacting?!?!?

Question

there is this 22 yr old girl moved in our nighbourhood, she works as model, of course she is attractive. she went to my 28yr old hubby and asked him to help her in management studies, as my husband is post graduate and hav studied that, but now he works in very different proffesion. neways,he came to me and asked me about this. i didnt want to b bitchy and said ok. neways, i dont leave them alone, im always there while he is helping her. she comes twice or thrice a week to our house. that day she came and was very happy, and started telling my husband hw her day was and hw she posed semi-nude for this magazine. she braught couple of her s**y pics which according to me was very disrespecting. she was flirting with my husband in front of me. so i stood up and gently asked my hubby to come to hall so that i can tell him to tell her to stop doing this. i asked him honey can u come in. and he said,'i cant.' first and i didnt get it and then he hinted me that he had a hard on and it would b visible if he gets up as he was wearing his pajamas. he continued to sit there till i told her myself gently that we'r goin out so she should go now. as she left i became very upset at my hubby for this. i was sooooo angry at him and took all of my rage on him. he said its not a big deal,,well it is a big deal for me...i dunno hw to handle this situation...plz guide me thru. this. and hw much my husband's fault is it?..should i b upset at him?..he is trying to make me happy and pampering me all the time now and said srry ,,but i still feel upset and mad....plz help!!!

Answer 1

well depends on what type of guy your husband is. Some guys actually do this to make their wives jealous. Some guys just like flirting with other women.

I don't think you are overreacting because you have every right to be angy and suspicious. Try having your husband avoid her.  

Answer 2

i think you should tell her that the arrangement is over. tell your husband that it's not his fault but that it's to hurtful for it to happen again.

Answer 3

oh gosh that sucks. i would be upset too. if she might potentially cause problems in your marriage, then your husband needs to stop working with her. what she did was disrespectful. she is not stupid, she knows she is attractive and knows that she can turn men on.  ugh i feel for you though. drop her, she sounds like she could be a source for problems.  you don't need that. even if it is innocent between them, you sound like you're worried about it because you don't leave them alone. so i say cut off the source...her...she sounds like trouble anyway.

Answer 4

woaw- you are not at all overreacting! I don't think it's your hubby you should be angry with. He did ask if you'd be ok with this situation and can you really blame him for getting a hard on? You gotta tell this woman that this arrangement is no longer working out and she needs to find someone else to help her.

Answer 5

i wish i could put a blindfold on my husband too! unfortunately we cant so what if you spice up the things with him and forget about anybody else?

talk to her (gently) and say hey ***** i want you out of here! hahah no, really, if your husband is making an effort by pampering you i dont think he wants a thing with the new neighbor

good luck

Answer 6

he is a guy, of course he would get a hard on from a naked photo. just tell him that you want him to be able to work with this chick, but she is no longer allowed to show him naked work.  and so he doesnt get angry, tell him youll replace hers with some of you so then he will want you!  

Answer 7

If it were me I would have thrown her out of my house with the first picture and NOT in any nice way. Am I overreacting?  I think not!

Answer 8

she has your husband going and if you push then he will see her elsewhere and he will sleep with her. that is tough.you are right if he could not get up because he was hard then  the girl will sleep with him if she get him alone. you just have to trust him. you can not follow him everywhere. tell him do not destroyer the trust you have for him with her unless he feels she is worth  it.

Answer 9

Honestly, I think you opened the door for trouble when you agreed to this charade.  If that happened to my husband, he would have told her no in the first place, b/c he has way too much respect for our marriage to do something that might put him a questionable situation like that.  And if he HAD brought it up tome, I would have simply told him I would rather him not do it; it would make me uncomfortable.  Your husband DID ask you, so that says a lot about what kind of man he is. Now you need to make it crystal clear that she is no longer welcome in your home OR your lives. Make sure your husband knows how you feel. GL! =)

Answer 10

not really anybody's fault but i would call off the whole thing (have him quit working with her) but if not...give me a call i won't look at other girls partially nude pics

Answer 11

Yes your over reacting, this is a situation that you created for yourself.  Now you want to make your husband miserable for reacting to the situation that you created.

Personally, i'd be ticked off with you for acting like this if i were your husband, he shouldn't be apologizing and pampering you.  You should be begging him for his forgiveness.

Answer 12

well, you did give him permission to help her,

you need to be honest when you communicate your feelings and this wont happen...

Answer 13

First Off you are not over reacting, if it were me I would have thrown her out of my house at that moment for being so disrespectful. She should know better than to go into a happy couples home and show of some scandalous pictures like that. Just keep an eye on her. I think he should have had control of his self and prevented from getting a hard on, that just shows he has some kind of interest in her. You have every right to be upset, would he have been mad if the tables were turned? you should explain to him that way.

Answer 14

First of all, I would like to say that I'm a guy. And to start off, I completely understand how you feel and I don't blame you. You reacted that way because that's how you felt. And in fact, you did very well in controlling yourself and not going all out while you had a visitor at home. Your husband is really not at fault. But he could have done better. But please let me explain why he might have acted that way. Your husband may have been shocked himself as to what this girl has showed him and too shocked that he didn't know how to react so he just acted politely and took a look. Besides, the girl came very excited and very eager. As to this reason, the girl may have just been very excited because that's what she wants to be. And one of the first people she could have shown this is someone close to her to ask for an open opinion (which is not an open opinion actually, she just wants to hear that she looks good. especially if it's her first time to be pictured half naked). In defense of your husband, ALL guys will most likely have a hard on when we see half naked pictures because that teases us to be honest. But if you want to point a blame on someone, it has to be the girl. She should have taken your feelings into account and that the the person she is showing the pictures to is a married man. But please do not be angry at the girl and don't be angry anymore to your husband because it isn't completely his fault. What your husband could have done is to look at the pictures briefly (not all) and tell the girl politely that he is proud of what she has done but can't see those kinds of pictures since he is married. In this way, your husband has acted maturely and controlled which will make him more respectable by the girl. The girl is  young and full of excitement in her life. It is the career she chose and that is just new part of her work experience that she wants to be proud of. So the solution to here is, talk to your husband politely also, NO FIGHTING OR SHOUTING. Just talk over it and what should have been done. The girl is still  young and is still learning life's lessons. Don't fight your husband or else this will discourage him to listen. Squeeze bad things he has done between good compliments. for example, "Honey, I am very happy that you are helping our neighbor on her studies. But next time when something happens like this, when she would be too excited not being able to think of others feelings because of excitement, be sure to tell her that it is not right to do that. You can tell her that she can continue to come here for studies and as a friendly neighbor but her career should stay outside of our house. Once again, you are a great husband and I trust  you. I love you so much!" - If you tell him something like this, he will listen and would not choose to fight against you. Listening and talking things over in a good way is essential to a great marriage. Make sure you talk over problems once and thoroughly. Once problems are talked over, remember the agreement and rules you set for both of you and not talk about it ever again. Set this attitude. I hope this could help you with your problem and for the rest of your marriage. Marriage is the best thing on this universe if you want it to be. Be wise. Good luck to the both of you!