MARRIED and VERY LONELY...How come?

Question

Married 4 years and not in love with my husband. I feel stuck. We do not have s.ex anymore..actually we have not had s.ex in 2 years. We don't have children. I'm 28 years and his 30 years. We are both professional in the finance industry

OUR DAYS

Monday- Friday > We both leave home at 7am, back by at least 6pm.

We either make dinner or go out for dinner. We come home and watch T.V.

We go to bed at different times and it DO OVER the next day.

We don't really fight. We have a quite peaceful home.

I don't think at all that he is cheating BUT who knows I might be wrong. I can almost swear he is not cheating.

He is often home with me. When he is not with me, then he is at work He rarely hangs with his friends.

He is a great man as a friend but i do not think we are in love with each other any more.

I have suggested separating but he gets angry. I'm not in love with him any more. I'm not cheating and I do not have my eyes on some one else.

I can't go out with my girl-friends because he does not like it.

any suggestions?

Answer 1

Yikes, sounds like my life.  I'm considering divorce myself because I dont wanna wake up years from now and wonder why I wasted my life married to a roommate.  

Answer 2

Run, do not walk to couple's counseling.  You need a neutral third party to help you and your husband communicate and work through these issues.  I was in the exact same boat, and the counselor helped my husband and I work through to the conclusion that we are not right for one another.  Don't get me wrong, it was grueling hard work, but the counselor helped us to communicate with one another for the first time in years.  Good luck as you go through this extremely difficult situation.

Answer 3

You're falling into a mundane routine, of course you feel like just roommates, all you're doing is shuffling through life together. You both have the weekends off, so go out, plan a mini vacation. Even if you don't have all the money in the world, sometimes my guy and I will just randomly one weekend go get a hotel room on the beach, bring a stereo and listen to music, talk and just reconnect. It helps to change the scenery sometimes of just being in your house or your bedroom. Do what you two did when you first fell in love with each other, date each other again! My guy and I started to make it a thing that Friday is my night to plan something nice and Saturday is his, so my night I'll plan something I think he'll like and vice versa. Come home with two tickets to a sports game (if he's into that sort of thing) and shows that you're into making a change or surprise him with dinner in another city at a restaurant you've never been. Save up so at the end of the year you two can take a vacation together. Spontaneously initiate s*x.

You two loved each other at one point, enough to get married so don't get stuck in a rut and call it quits. Atleast try to make some effort to get out of that rut and if it doesn't work, then you can atleast say you tried. It would be sad to get a divorce if you didn't even try for your marriage. Talk to him about this and start planning things so you can fall back in love with each other and enjoy your marriage.

Good luck.

Answer 4

get rid of th eTV and start talking to one another again. What did he or you do when u were dating? watch TV?

Answer 5

If you want to try and save your marrige, try counceling, if not sit him down and tell him how you feel about s*x, your relationship, everything.  Why dont you have s*x anymore?  If you want to leave, stick to your guns and just set it all up and do it.  If you dont love him anymore, why be together?  Try to find the love you both once had.

Answer 6

If he is willing then give marriage counseling a try and if that doesn't help then separate for awhile and see how things go from there.

Answer 7

Get out.  If you are not happy and don't love him the marriage is a mockery and a sham.  Cut him loose and let him find someone he loves and who loves him.  She shouldn't get upset if you want out.  Both people have to be happy and you aren't.  You would be better off alone.  The man you love is out there and you will never meet him if you are still there.

Answer 8

why don't you have s*x

does he still loves you

how do you know

tell us here at this message board

Answer 9

wow.  well, there are several things to say.  it does sound as if you are over being married to him, but he, no matter how he feels about you, still wants to control you.  there isn't fighting, there may be cheating, you want to be friends.  again, wow.  sounds like you need to at least seperate, go your own way for a bit, find out for sure how you feel and what you want.  and if he is neither of those, then yes, move on.  permanetly.  you sound nice, you do deserve happiness, we all do.  go out and find yours.  

Answer 10

Too many divorces - it's sad.  I can understand a lot of divorces - where someone is in harm.  But your situation is different.  You both are professionals as you said - go take a trip - Jamaica, Bahamas, Puerto Rico - Get some spark!

Answer 11

s*x

Do it!

I see hanging out but you guys go out too much and dont have that 1 on 1

This is what happen with me and my ex gf.

She always wanted to go out and stuff and I tried to take her out but I was not happy and I caught her cheating and I left lol

Sometimes it is not the guy but the woman who puts down the marriage due to emotions in her own head.

Your husband sounds decent for you.

Answer 12

Wow that is so sad, it sounds like your living with a friend instead of your hubby. I think it's time for the two of you to move on with your lives.

Answer 13

Why doesn't he like you going out with your friends? Does he think that you are going to find someone else? With the mention of separation I can see why he would be a little scared with you wanting to go out. Men always hit on women, it happens to me and I'm married. He may be scared that you'll meet someone else that you like and leave him.  Try counseling to try to bring the spark back into your marriage. Go on dates together, and make an event out of s*x.

Have you heard in the news lately about the couple that had s*x every day for 100 days straight to save their marriage? It worked for them.

Hope it helps. Good luck :)

Answer 14

Find some male friends to hangout with, like at house parties.  I do this sometimes.  Step back for a moment so that you can appreciate the man that you have in your life, by comparing him to other guys.  I have many female friends that I hang out with and party out with.   They are all far different from my wife.  Things could be much worse, for some people. Oh! DON'T FORGET TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED TOGETHER AND SNUGGLE UP!!!  This has improved my marriage by far!!

Answer 15

have you talked to him about your s*x life? It's hard to deny that something is wrong when faced with the fact that you haven't had s*x in 2 years. Is it because you don't want to or is it him? If it is him (or mutual) ask him why. Depending on his answer you can work on that. Don't underestimate s*x in a relationship. It's normal to slow down some with age and time, but if you NEVER do it, than you are missing out on having that intimate relationship with each other and will grow apart. Make time for each other too. I know how it is having a busy schedule! My husband and I have to work to make time for just us too. When you do, go have a few drinks together, laugh about your day, tease each other, touch each other. I'm really sorry you feel the way you do, but after reading your post it just sounds to me like you guys have quit living a life together. You have to find that union to be happy again. He sounds like he IS a good man and you are a good woman.....you just need some romance back.

Answer 16

Well you're obviously bored. But are you bored with him or bored with your life? A relationship can be affected by more factors than you think; if things are out of whack in other areas of your life, then your love life is usually the first to be affected.

I'd suggest trying out a hobby. A social hobby, if you have time for it. And what's this about you can't go out with your girl friends? I hope that doesn't mean you can't take up pottery or glass blowing or running or something like that. (I understand if he has a problem with clubbing or drinking, but sheesh..)

Spicing up your own life is the first step. Waking yourself up a little might stir up some old flame for him you didn't even know you had.