ME & MY BOYFRIEND ARE HAVING ALOT OF PROBLEMS SHOULD I LET HIM GO OR SHOULD I STAY? PLEASE HELP ME!?

Question

Okay well theres my boyfriend and i love him alot. But weve had soo many prblems and Ive lied alot to him & ive kept alot of things from him I love him & im trying to change and Ive been changing just for him but its like now that im changing he I guess wants to do everything I did to him He wants to do it to me to make me see how it feels and Ive tried to tell him the only reason Im like that is because the way Ive watched people around me & ive just learned from them because Ive never had anyone in my life like him and I love him alot but its like he doesnt listen to me,,& im scared hes gonna do it to me and i dont want that & im scared hes just gonna end up leavin me and i really dont want that I dont wanna see him with anyone else & i think hes still talkin to his ex & he tells me he doesnt love her & that shed never be me but why would you talk to you ex if you dnt still love them that just doesnt make sense to me SOMEONE PLEASE HELP! SHOULD I STAY OR MOVE ON?

Answer 1

i think you need to move on...nothing is good in a relationship built on lies.  it sounds like your trying to convince yourself that you love him, let him go find yourself then maybe you can try to work it out later

Answer 2

Stay if you are making progress on your personal development.

It sounds like it's not the case that he's a bad guy.  It sounds like you have plenty of issues in this relationship too.  If you leave now, you'll repeat this pattern in the next relationship and will have to work on it then.  You might as well work on it now in therapy to become a better, more honest, more independent person.

Then you'll be a better person before you enter your next relationship.

Answer 3

Move on you do not need to feel that stressed if someone truly loves you they will either forgive you for past mistakes and take up there not try to scare you into thinking there going to get you back thats not love thats manipulation

Answer 4

Move on

Answer 5

Move on dear.  Once a relationship goes bad, it's almost impossible to get it back on track.

Answer 6

the bottom line is...you can't change people no matter how long you wait.  if you don't like the way he is then move on.

Answer 7

TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT!!  

You should of never lie to him but you admit you were wrong and you are willing to change to keep the love of your life.   Talk to him and tell him that his action are really hurting you and that if you are willing to change he also needs to stop acting the way he is.  Compromise with him on the things that are bothering you and tell him to let you know if you do something that he doesn't approve of so you can compromise and communicate and make the relationship stronger.  

If he doesn't change and you can feel that you've done everything you could to keep the relationship alive than HIS LOSS!!  MOVE ON...

Answer 8

Why was it okay for you to go and deceive him but now that he is just talking to his ex your all in a tither? You should have thought about what you were doing in the beginning, now that it's too late your crying.If you loved him you never would have lied to him in the first place. Love can not be based on lies.You have also got to change for yourself why should he have to change your the one that's done the lying.Why can he not talk to his ex. Just because you did something dishonest doesn't mean he will.And, you should not leave him, He should leave you.

Answer 9

I think that the both of you should move on.  Your statement that you are changing just for him is not healthy.   You should change for yourself not to keep him around because that isn't true and lasting change.  Once he is gone you will go back to your old ways.   A person can inspire us to change bad behavior but that person will not make it stick.  If you constantly believe that he is going to do something bad to you ...eventually you will create it.  Stop being scared.  Face Life head on without FEAR of what will happen.  Let things in life happen naturally and don't try to be someone that you are not.   Stop treating him like everyone else does instead treat him the way you would like to be treated.  Lies are terrible ways to communicate with another person.  It is hurtful and causes a person to not really know who "you" are.   I personally think that with the lies, the changing of behavior, and treating him in ways that you watch others tells me that you don't know who YOU are which in turn creates insecurity in yourself.  Take more time to work on yourself and find out what makes you happy...try to get more comfortable around the opposite s*x before getting into another relationship.  learn to relax and be happy.

Answer 10

Congrats for messing up your relationship in a way. Stop lying. No good comes of it. If you love him you guys need to sit and talk. Put it all out there no more lies. But if thee lie continue you guys need to break up.

I am sorry

Answer 11

Sound like too much damage has been done so I would advise that you move....he is going to always want to get revenge or do what you did ...until he does

Answer 12

Move on and get help.  

It sounds like you were awful to this guy and you're getting exactly what you deserve.  I actually saw this happen to a good friend of mine, she made this guy jump through hoops when he was crazy for her.  Finally she fell hard for him, but he was kinda over her, so he just tortured her.  It was cruel, and it hurt her a lot and I hated him for it, but in the end I think she learned a valuable lesson.

Hopefully, you have too.  Watching the people around you for how to treat your man is not an excuse for bad behaviour.  You know better.  We all do.  That's just a lame cop-out.  

Regarding changing:  If you want to take responsibility and be a better person, that's a change you should make.  However, you should never change for anyone but yourself.

Finally, you shouldn't stay in any relationship this complicated at your age.  You should just have fun with your friends, and forget about guys until you grow up a little and treat them more like real people, and less like soap opera characters.

Sorry if I've been a little hard on you...