MIL says get baby on sleep schedule no matter how much he cries at night?? Agree or disagree?

Question

I am 23w along and she says that we will need to get our son on a sleep schedule.. that means even not picking him up everytime he cries at night. I have always thought that when an infant cries it is bc he is hungry, needs burped, wet diaper, something he needs..

I just cant see myself letting my little boy cry bc he "needs" to be on a schedule... all my friends who have had children say this is ridiculous and she has no clue what she is talking about.

This is also the lady who didnt believe I was pregnant after taking FIVE preg tests bc "back when she got pregnant you had to wait several days after missing your period" to find out. Yeah - a little ignorant eh?

Answer 1

Her advice may be great for her, she's home in her own bed....she's not the one lying there listening to the baby cry, wondering if he's hungry, dirty, wet or has his head stuck between the bars of the crib.  It's YOUR baby, use your own common sense.  

Answer 2

small babies shouldnt be put on a sleep schedule, they should sleep/eat when they want, they will develop their own schedule pretty quickly anyway.

you are right, most of the time when babies cry, it is because something is wrong and it is their only way of telling you. i am not saying run instantly everytime they cry, especially as they get older, as they do need to learn to settle themsevles, but dont let a small baby cry at night, my son is 7 mths if he wakes in the night i will leave him for one minute if he is still crying i will go to him. i cant let him cry it out, i feel bad and he gets into a state and cant sleep!

Feed your baby as much as they want during the day and they may sleep a little longer a night, but small babies need feeding every 3 - 4 hrs even at night, if i could get a good feed into my son at 11pm ish he would sleep til 5am.  

Answer 3

Hi Mary,

You don't have to let your baby cry it out to get to sleep ..... there are other ways!  My baby James had sleeping problems and several people said I should use the cry it out method but I just hated it. I felt like a wicked parent and would give in every time and go to comfort him.

Eventually though a friend recommended I try a baby sleep audio program that had worked for her baby. It had a number of techniques that I could use and amazingly the one I tried started to work the very first night. Within two weeks James was sleeping through the night and I'm pleased to say he has never had a problem with sleeping since.

Good luck hun.

Kelly

Answer 4

Absolutely ridiculous.  I personally believe it's all about trust.  I have always gone to my daughter when she cries, day or night.  It was very very hard in the first few weeks, as day vs night meant nothing to her, and i was utterly exhausted.  She soon learnt though that there wasn't much excitement to be had overnight - i would just cuddle her, feed her or just let her suckle, and put her back down (if she would let me).  Since about 6 weeks she has slept well, and she never "cries wolf" as she knows when she needs something, i will be there.  She has no reason to feel insecure.  She's 4 months old now, and a very contented baby.  Of course it's up to you what you do with your own child, but you would most likely find it impossible to ignore him or her when she needs your comfort.

Answer 5

Her advice is very out of date. When babies are first born they need to be fed every 3-4 hours at the most so leaving it to cry at night is cruel. You're right, babies cry for a reason, you can not just leave them. Go with your instinct, ignore your MIL, it's your baby, not hers.

Answer 6

You can't do this with a very young baby. Some do it with older (6mo?) babies, but I didn't. I just couldn't let my daughter cry like that. Sure they get used to it and stop crying, but what is the message there - mommy is too tired to take care of you? It is a religious debate with some parents in favor or CIO (cry it out) and others strongly opposed. However a newborn is not ready for CIO and shouldn't be expected to sleep more than a few hours at a time.

Answer 7

Its all nice in theory,but yeah....the main thing is that babies do need to learn how to settle themselves....it benefits them (and u) in the long run......Just do it when you are ready because it really does suck letting a baby cry like that....but a time will come when you are comfortable enuf knowing that you have tended to their every need & that its time for bub to settle him/herself down...

Best wishes!!!

Answer 8

I don't believe in letting them cry it out at all.  If that is what your heart says, too, follow it!  It is your child.  Many people will try to "school" you in how to raise your child, but you know best...you are biologically primed to know what your child needs and when...you're milk will letdown when you just think about you're child, etc...also, the child is half you, so to speak, so who would know better!  If you are going to breastfeed, infants need to eat every 2-3 hrs. at least...this is how their systems are designed at the time...their tummies are small and they are coming from an environment where nourishment was readily available...if you think of that alone, the whole schedule thing doesn't make sense.  One day they're in the womb, next day they're out so they suddenly need to be able to go 8 hrs. or more w/out eating...it just doesn't make sense.  Around 3 mos. their needs change and they will naturally begin to sleep longer and a "schedule" will naturally begin to take shape.  Whenever in doubt about this stuff, I just think, how did our ancestors do it...like before there were clocks, cars, all the trappings of the modern world, etc.  They probably just fed the baby when he cried, you know?  I completely agree with you that an infant cries only when it needs something...it's the only form of communication he has at that age, and if no one responded, wouldn't that feel scary, lonely, or make you mad?  The happiest, most loving and confident babies and children I know have been attachment parented...you can learn more about that at drsears.com if you are interested.  Congrats on your boy and trust YOUR own momma instincts!