MODERN DATING: what do you think about it? Looking for some interesting feedback...

Question

There are all kinds of books, etc. telling us how to act while dating, etc and what kind of behavior is selfish and NOT healthy, etc.

There are so many opinions like, never ask a man the status of your relationship because that pushes them away. Or, never focus too much of your attention on him/her and have your own interests.

With all of this information and differences of opinions, how do we know if we're on the right track? If someone who we have a connection with is making an effort to be in our lives, don't we honor that if we want to be in their lives as well? SO many will say that if someone does not commit to you, they don't love you and others say that you have to be friends first before getting serious. Is there really one answer for everyone and one strategy that works best? Do you follow your heart? There are all kinds of mixed messages...Fear of rejection, etc.

What is your opinion on any of the above...

Answer 1

they're is no one answer.

different people different situations

go with your heart on what you think is best and if its not good enough for that other person then stop trying to make it "work" just let it flow.    

Answer 2

either way looks like you're taken... jerry's girl.

Answer 3

It's always a good idea to have one's own interests...with or without a relationship. That's just common sense, not something you need a $50 seminar to figure out.

Re: asking a man about the status of a relationship, I say why not. If you want to know something then ask. That's how you find out.  If they're interested, they'll stay, if they're not, then they won't. Nothing to do with you, and it won't matter what you say or do. People have their own minds...and they can't/won't be manipulated into doing something cuz the book say to do this or don't do that.

Nope, when it comes to dating/relationships...it's really better to just be yourself, to be less risk aversive, use your own common sense, and just follow your OWN 'rules.' (within reason.)  Above all...don't expect relationship book or glossy magazine defined "perfection."  Relationships aren't cookie cutter perfect, and only you and the other person involved really knows what's going on, not some stranger on the NY Times bestseller list or Cosmo Magazine!

Here's something interesting to consider before spending another penny on any more dating/relationship books or seminars. Most of those authors/experts are FRAUDS who couldn't even keep their own relationships together! They're basically following the money trail and they're using and exploiting their books, seminars, "couseling sessions" etc. to get rich off of other people's insecurities.

Three notable examples?  

John Gray, the dude who wrote the Mars and Venus books and Barbara DeAngelis who wrote the How to Make Love Work All the Time.  Both claim to have PhDs and are experts in relationships.  However,  those PhDs they tout are from defunct diploma mills!

John second wife was Barbara.  Barbara's third husband was John...and she's been married 5 times! I swear if you put both their books side by side, you can almost hear them arguing lol.  

Also, Ellen Fein, one of the women who wrote that book The Rules and The Rules For Marriage got a divorce in 2001 just before the latter book hit the shelves...and she kept it a secret!  Ok, so she's since gotten remarried, but still a lot of folks thought she was being a hypocrite, so her credibility took a big hit back then.

Even Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil have credibility issues, too...you can google to find out about them.

In light of all this, do you really want to trust those kinds of "experts" in your love life? I'd trust them as much as I'd trust Jesse James to give me advice on bank security or a KKK leader to head up a diversity training course!