MOMS Is it wrong to put your baby in her crib when she is crying?

Question

My daughter is 4 months old and yesterday I was trying to clean the house while my husband was sleeping. She was crying and crying and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her on top of me trying to get all the house tasks done. I took a timeout to try and get her to stop crying. Nothing worked and I needed to take a breather so I put her in her crib, closed the door and stepped into the kitchen to do the dishes. I woke up my husband and he was furious to know I put her down when she was crying like that. I'm a stay at home mom so I deal with this a lot. I've put her down like that 4 times since she was 2 months old. I feel like I need to clear my head sometimes. She's usually in there for about 5-10 minutes sometimes less. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

If she is just crying and crying and not stopping no matter what you do, then yes it is okay to put her down for a few minutes.  You certainly can't soothe her if you get stressed out in the process.  Taking a few minutes to regroup will help you to soothe her without getting overwhelmed.  To do this on a regular basis or for trying to get her to sleep on her own though are no-nos at this age.

If you need to get housework done and want to keep her occupied at the same time, put her in a bouncy seat in the room with you so she can check out her environment while you talk to her.  You can also put her in a sling while you do your housework - that way you are both happy since you can get stuff done and she can be with you.  :)

Answer 2

No, you're doing the right thing.  It won't hurt her to cry for a while, and you need to make sure that you aren't overly frustrated for both of your sakes.  Actually, I just got a pamphlet in the mail about shaken baby syndrome, and it actually RECOMMENDS that you put the baby down and walk away when it is crying and you are frustrated, so sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing.  

Answer 3

I think that that is the BEST thing you could do!  Putting your baby in her crib and taking a break is an EXCELLENT solution to your frustration.  

In similar cases where parents didn't do what you did, they ended up shaking their baby to death.  It's imperative that you give yourself a break to prevent yourself from doing something out of anger and frustration.

If your husband has a problem with it, then HE needs to deal with the baby with a CALM head.  If he is frustrated too, then put the baby down and walk away.  Call your mom or a close friend or your sister.  It's always a good idea to ask for help.

Answer 4

if you were close to the point of wanting to shake or harm her, yes its ok to put her down.  

Answer 5

I don't think it is wrong to do that.  It will teach her how to pacify herself... I did that some when my son was younger and I feel it helped him sleep in his crib by himself.  Now when it is his bedtime I just lay him in his bed and he goes right to sleep.  Just don't do it for extremely long periods of time, you don't want her to feel helpless.  You're fine  :)

Answer 6

I understand the need to get housework done, but children do need to come first. Like some of the other posters said, you can't be a parent when it's convenient for you. I think that the cleaning could have waited until she was in bed for the night or until your husband was awake. That said, I am 100% in support of putting her in her crib if you feel as though you can't take the crying anymore. Your baby will be better off crying herself to sleep than being shaken and brain damaged.

Answer 7

You are wrong and your husband has every right to be mad. Sorry but you can't be a mom when it's convenient for you to be. She comes BEFORE the household chores. What you did/are doing is cruel and you need to stop. Of course we all get overwhelmed but simply plopping your crying baby into a crib and walking away is just plain selfish. It seems like it's becoming a habit for you. Can't you try other ways to comfort your crying baby like a walk or singing or a warm bath to calm her? Abandoning a crying baby in a crib is not the answer!  

Answer 8

If you took a timeout to try to get her to stop crying, as you said, yes... there are better ways to handle it in my opinion.  Wouldn't that just make it worse?  There's a big difference in 2 minutes and 10 minutes.

If you took a timeout b/c you needed one and didn't want to hurt your baby in any way, that would be the right thing to do if no one is there to help.  

Have you tried using a sling or baby carrier?  They can be a life saver.

  

Answer 9

No not at all. I do the same thing sometimes, and it usually only takes my daughter about 5, no longer then 10 minutes to calm down, if she doesnt by then I know something is wrong. Sometimes babies cry, and even them dont know what is wrong. Sometimes when I run out of bottles, and I have none by her next feeding, and she is crying (she is feed diaper is cleaned, I played with her that day already etc.), I have to put her down and clean those bottles. I feel so bad but sometimes there isnt much else you can do. I am sure if your daughter is screaming crying for longer then 10 minutes then you would pick her up and you know when there is something seriously wrong with your daughter, but putting her down to wash the dishes, isnt that big of a deal. If you stay at home I am sure you give your daughter plenty of love she needs, its fine and it isnt such a big deal.  

Answer 10

Tell your husband that he should read some parenting magazines or pull up some online topics on the subject.  Sometimes the BEST thing to do is put your child in the crib and step away. This is the main cause for Shaken baby syndrome.  Many women due to exhaustion, frustration and the constant crying will snap.  It is important that if you feel yourself getting overly frustrated to just put your daughter down and step away for a minute.  Your husband needs to be more understanding of your situation and limitations as a human being.

Answer 11

No you're not wrong. He was just S****y because he got woke up.

Sometimes a baby just needs to cry. Is she teething at all?

It's better to put the baby down and walk away if you're getting stressed out, than to stay there and get cranky at the baby.

You're a new mum, you'll learn how to comfort her as time goes on, and your husband should try to be more understanding.

Answer 12

I think you should get a Babyhawk or some other type of baby carrier, it was a lifesaver for us.  My son was a pretty high-needs baby, but with a baby carrier I was still able to get things done around the house without leaving him crying.  Babies who are worn have been shown to be much happier and cry less.  Also, housework takes a backseat to the baby's needs, in my book.

What if she is teething or has an upset tummy?  She could be in pain and need her mommy.  A baby that age has no "wants" only "needs".

Now, if you are frustrated to the point where you might do something to the baby, leaving her to cry in her crib for a few minutes is obviously the better option.

Answer 13

No you are not wrong.  My 4 month old does the same thing sometimes.  Its really hard to do it though and that's why you are questioning if its wrong or not!  You need to be clear minded in order to help figure out what is wrong with your daughter.  You can't help her if you are stressed, because that will just stress her out too.  5 - 10 minutes is perfectly healthy, plus it could help her learn to maybe soothe herself.

Answer 14

Well, it is not wrong to do once in a while, if you really can't handle it and feel like you might lose control.

But really, what is more important, the housework or taking care of your baby??  

She was obviously crying for a reason, something was wrong with her.

She is only going to be a baby once, you are going to have housework for the rest of your life.

Answer 15

I don't think that's such a big deal to take a 5 minute break. As long as you have taken care of her, and don't leave her there for a long period of time I don't see a problem with it.

Sometimes baby's get bored - maybe she just needed a little entertaining.