MOTHER IN LAW TROUBLE!!!!!!please assist, give an oppinion how to make things easier, help me.?

Question

I am staying w/ my babys daddys mom, and my babys daddy. Sorry if that sounded ghetto. I just asked a question about missing my baby and the connection we had being lost which made me wonder another question. My sons grandmother is such a "BUUUUUGHHH!" but it's so passive, it's insults w/ a smile, or snicker, she REMINDS ME OF everybody loves Raymonds mother, except it's not over in 20 minutes it's on going. She has my son for about 2 weeks now because I had started a new job, and he had to have someone watch him and so he had to go w/ her. She'll call and say "You wont even recognize him anymore" and list all these positive things that are diff. about him, and she's not bluntly saying I am doing a better job than you do but it is said. Or she'll say something and say "i'm not trying to make you Boo hoo cry but...." or "Now I'm just an honest person, when I first met you I thought there was something mentally wrong w/ you, now I realize it's just you're lazy" ..........ON GOING!!!!! I am staying in her home, she is watching me child, Do I have a choice but listen to her comments when I need her? What should I do, how do you handle this and keep your sanity. She makes comments about my weight, I have lost a lot, and am about 30 pounds till I am pre pregnancy, a size 5, but I am now a size 13. I am moving forward but I dont judged all d**n day. AHHHHGGGGHHHH!!!!! Please advice.

Answer 1

Yup.  Your only hope is to save your cash and bounce.  Get financially stable, then get your own place and another babysitter.  She's not going to change, and since you're the one living free of charge under her roof, she doesn't have to.

Answer 2

Yes you should be respectful because you live with her.  But try this advice to regain your sanity.  Find little things that annoy her (but that won't get you kicked out) and take SILENT pleasure in them because they annoy her, like not making your bed? or putting the milk back in the wrong place in the 'fridge?  Think about the things that she's criticizing you about, don't think about it like she's just dissing you again, think about it like "Hey, thanks, and I'll keep that up because it annoys you enough to comment."  All this enjoyment is purely in your head though.  When she makes rude comments like being mentally ill think "well you're an honest person because there's something wrong with you".  Just think these things and smile. Wearing a shirt she doesn't like? Wear it proudly because she doesn't like it. Etc.

Now I suppose the practical thing to do would be to talk to your baby's daddy about this and try to get him to stick up for you. Or to talk to her about it and tell her how much you don't like it. But when that fails, try my above suggestions.  

Answer 3

This is a difficult situation I know.  She needs to be more supportive emotionally to you and yet, you also need to show more gratitude towards her.  Work needs to be done on both sides.  One life fact that you'll learn is that the ONLY person you can control in this life is YOURSELF.  You can't change someone.  All you can do is decide for yourself to change how you react to people and to be a better person yourself.  It's amazing how making that one decision can be so freeing and can actually lead to the people around you changing their ways as well.  Here's my suggestion:  You need to 1) definitely make a conscious effort to treat her the way you wish she'd treat you - that means, say THANK YOU, tell her how much you appreciate what she's doing for you, be positive around her, CHOOSE to see her in a more positive light and I guarantee you, she'll start to reciprocate, and 2) sit her down and have a heart to heart but be sure to speak very kindly and respectfully to her.  Don't be baited into an argument.  

Just say "I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you're doing for ____ (insert child's name).  I know it was probably foolish of me to get pregnant when I couldn't be completely independent & only rely on myself but I feel blessed that we both has you as a support.  I need to talk to you about something that's been bothering me though and I hope you'll respect that I'm at least willing to be honest with you.  Look, I know I'm probably not your favorite person and that you think of me a certain way which is your own right.  But I would appreciate you not saying negative things about me in front of my child....it's disrespectful & only hurts him.  I'm trying the best I can and I would just appreciate you not being so critical sometimes.  If you don't feel like you can abide by that, then I'll need to move out because I refuse to have my son grow up around someone who so clearly doesn't respect his mother."

Answer 4

She's probably annoyed at you & her son.  I'm sure every grandma would like it if their family took care of themselves & had their own house with their own child care.  She's being passive aggressive because she CAN be.  You live in HER home & she is an unpaid WORKER taking care of your kid.  I would think a little less of you as well.  Don't p**s her off or you'll soon find yourself homeless.  

Answer 5

Have you talked to your husband about this? If she is causing you grief the first person you should confide in is him. Maybe tell him that he either needs to talk to his mother about the problem, or find another place to live. I understand what you're going through, its hard when your partner's mother or father doesn't approve of you.  

Answer 6

you need to take your child and move on out of the house.  you should not be treated like that at all.  also, you need to let your baby's daddy know WTH is going on.  it doesn't get any better.  or should i say mine still hasn't gotten any better and i have been married 8 years

Answer 7

You're basically sponging off her so you need to either move out and find a new babysitter or grin and bear it.  

Answer 8

Easy solution!

Cut your expenses and quit your job and raise your kid yourself!

You won't have to hear her mouth then.Also your child will BENEFIT from you being there!

Guess who is having the MOST influence on your kid right now and who your baby is bonding to?

Not you.Not Daddy.

That's right, your dear old maw in law!

Guess how he will be acting here in  another 5 years?

Answer 9

My M-I-L is a real gem too. I have found that if I agree with everything she says that she will get irritated and stop the BS.  

Answer 10

don't stay with her go to try and stay with your parents or a friend or something and tell the person u stay with that u only need to stay there until u raise enough to get ur own place and have someone take care of ur baby so that ur boyfriend can work also OR if that doesn't work u can always stand up for yourself and say STOP being rude or tell her that u will live on the street if u have to and tell her that if she doesn't stop then u will never let her see ur baby again! hope i helped!

Answer 11

Hun, to make things easier, you will have to become independent. Meanwhile, you have no choice but suck it up and take it. What are you gonna do? She's got you by the throat. When you disregard common sense and have a baby when you're not in the position to take care of him/her, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to just this type of situation. At least she is helping you with the child and is giving you a place to live - a lot of grandparents don't even go that far. Double up on the birth control, work your way up and start taking care of yourself and your child instead of relying on handouts from other people - I'm afraid there is no other way.

Answer 12

sorry man, she is the way she is and until you move out youll be sucking it up.

i would start saving big time!!