MY FATHER-IN-LAW GAVE MY SON BEER!!!!! OPINIONS PLEASE! Sorry this is long its alot of info. But I need help!!

Question

Ok so my son is 2 1/2 and when he was 4 mos old we were out to dinner with a bunch of our family and my father in law was holding my son and he started giving him some of his margarita and I flipped out and he hasnt done it since. Well today my in laws came over and I walked back into the room and I saw that my FIL had a beer up to my sons mouth. I ran over and said no no no and told him not to do it and that he better never do it again. My dillema is that we are supposed to go away next weekend for 3 days with my husbands whole family for his aunts bday and now I am not sure if I want to go and if I do go I dont think I want my son going. But then he will miss out on going swimming and things like that becasue it is at a lake. I also have a 4 mon. old daughter and I am afraid if I take my son I will be worried about him the whole time and neither one of us will have any fun. We also have an issue w/my fil smoking around my kids and I am constantly trying to keep that under control to.

Answer 1

Ok. That is what everyone in america would call bad grand-parenting. Sit him down and have a good talk and tell him that you are giving your kid alcohol when you want to, not when he wants to and that he was TOTALLY stepping over his grandparenting line and that he has broken the line of trust. From now on, only let your kid see him if your with him too.

Also so what if your kid misses out on a little party? If he drinks beer, he will miss out on his innocence as a child! I know that if my nieces' grandparents did that, my sis would FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!! Your response is totally normal.

Answer 2

My grandma gave me sips of beer when I was a baby.  It won't kill them, but I wouldn't suggest making it a habit.  I think if you told them outright that you don't want the children to have tastes of alcohol, they're not going to give them a full beer or anything.  Relax and let them live llife.

Answer 3

What does your hubby have to say.

Talk to him about this.

To me this would of been a done deal at the 4mth joint thing. He would of never been allowed alone for a sec with my child again. The second time he would never be allowed to see my child again.

This is your child, he can NOT pertect him self that is you and your hubby job.

it is time to severly limit ties or cut them. If the rest of the family does not understand this than you need to take a GIANT step back from them too.

Your childs health and safety is not worth a trip to the lake!!!

Answer 4

I wouldn't cancel the trip. Just make sure that your son does not go anywhere with his grandfather alone. I agree though a child that young should not be given alcohol, I mean there is a reason they tell you not to drink while pregnant, it's the same deal with a child that young!

Answer 5

OMG what kind of parent is that guy saying get your panties out of a wad?  ARE YOU INSANE?  Giving a 2 1/2 year old beer is just plain stupid.  Besides the only time people gave there children liquor back in the day was when they were teething.  And the rubbed it on there gums to take away the pain.  Otherwise there is no reason a 2 year old should ever taste beer.  It is a big deal and if i was you i would tell your father inlaw to stop.  Never mind the fact that there is a LEGAL drinking age.  But if someone found out about that you would be in deep c**p.  You should never give a child booze.  What the h*ll is wrong with people now a days?  Good lord.  The parenting i see anymore is ridiculous.  Whats next letting a baby puff on a smoke?

Answer 6

It's no reason to ruin the entire weekend for your whole family.  Just pull the FIL aside and tell him point blank, that this has got to stop!  It's not realistic to keep him from his grandparents forever so you  may as well get it over with and tell grandpa now how you feel.

Answer 7

Your children must be supervised AT ALL TIMES when your father-in-law is present from this point forward.  This has happened twice.  Legally, you now know this is a problem, and if one of your children were to get alcohol poisoning, you could be considered an unfit parent and lose custody, because you knew it could happen and you failed to protect your children from this man.   It is very easy for young children to overdose on alcohol.  It can depress their nervous system.  He just acts real sleepy.  You put him to bed, and when you go to check on him, he is dead.  He just stopped breathing.  Or, it can make him vomit, which can then cause him to aspirate and suffocate.    If your child were to get sick and you had to rush them to the ER, and the doctor recognized alcohol poisoning, it would then come to the attention of child protective services, and you could lose custody of your children.    And, of course, your husband's father would be arrested and taken to jail.  I am sorry to be so graphic, but my purpose is to illustrate the seriousness of this situation.   This is a risk that you cannot afford to take.

The best way to keep your children safe, is to keep them physically separated from this man.   No one is perfect, and you only have to take your eyes off them for a few minutes...  You've gotten lucky twice.   Don't count on being lucky a third time.

Now, for another subject.   Giving children alcohol is one way to "groom" a child for other types of inappropriate behavior.  What is your FIL's motive in giving a 2 1/2 year old child alcohol?    While he may just be criminally stupid, the other possibilities should not be overlooked.

My advice to you is to keep your children as far away from this man as you possibly can.   If your family asks why you cannot participate in some activities, you might just need to explain that FIL has twice attempted to give alcohol to your child, and you simply cannot have your children at the same event where the FIL is.   I know this is awkward, but your FIL is a danger to your children.    They have no one else to protect them, but you and your husband.   Your husband stands to lose custody or lose his child to alcohol poisoning as well as you do, so he should do what is necessary to protect his children.     .

Regardless of what decision you make, you need to make sure you have the right priority.  Safety of the children, first.  Then, maybe, your husband's needs with respect to his relationship with his other family members.   Then, maybe see if you have anything left over to worry about doing what other people want you to do.  They will go on with their weekend, and enjoy it.   You and your husband and your children could also find a very enjoyable way to spend your weekend, away from danger.

Best of luck!!!

Answer 8

you HAVE to talk to ur Fil. my Fil is also a smoker  But NEVER around my child. the alcohol thing is SOOOOO bad. but u need to confront him privately and say what u think, it is ur child and if t doesn't stop maybe ur visits should until something changes.

Answer 9

well this always happens.. My dad once had a beer and my son was 1 and he was starring at my dad and my dad say ok just a sip (playing around of course..) and when he put the bottle and my son put his lips on it i didn't yell but i went to my son and grab him by his arm and spank him on his mouth not hard just slow... and told him to not do that or i was going to give him pow pow because that was kaka... and since he never try drinking out a beer bottle or any similar looking bottle.. you should teach your son to not want to sip eaither and tell your inlaw to stop that because its against the law and you wont tell but someone else will and he will stay calm my daddy did...

Answer 10

Sounds like your husband needs to step up to the plate. These are his parents, and to keep from adding fuel to the fire, he needs to talk to them. While I don't think a sip is going to send him into a downward spiral leading to a lifestyle of booze, drugs and wild women, that's not the point. It's child endangerment and just plain stupid. Does he not realize that if someone reports that, not only can he be charged, but you could potentially lose your children( that's the worst case scenario though). Your husband needs to talk to his father right now!!! Tell him that you guys don't approve of him doing things like that. And if the FIL doesn't clean up his act, your children aren't going to be allowed to go over there unsupervised. Personally, I would go on the weekend getaway. You're just going to have to keep a close eye on BOTH kids. Even if that means you're sitting at the kids table and only doing kid activities. As far as the smoking around the kids, unfortunately there's not much you can do about that unless he's at your house. Sadly, if it's his house, then his rules. Even if they are inconsiderate. And if you're in public, all you can do is take the kids out of his presence while he's smoking.

Answer 11

get your panties out of a wad...h**l in other countrys its done all the time...simply tell him that you would appreciate it if he didnt do that again....calm down its no big deal....and to that person that had the stupid idea of not letting him see him any more....don't ever try that on some one like me!

Answer 12

Anyone who would give a margarita to a  4 month old baby is not someone I would trust to care for my child . Why does he have an obsession with giving children booze ... I would sit down with him and tell him that if he did it again , I would have him arrested for child endangerment .... this behavior is not a joke.

prr

Answer 13

A lot of old people let children taste booze because they did when they were little.

A taste really can't hurt them i tasted drinks when i was little. Especially my grandfather let me taste lol.

But letting him have a shot of whiskey is different from a taste.

Answer 14

you, your husband, and your fil need to sit down privately before this party. you need to say "i have personally seen 2 occasions where you were giving my toddler alchohol. if this happens again, our children will never be able to see you. i would think you of all people would have a little common sense. don't let it happen again." then tell his wife exactly what is going on so that if you have to stop seeing him, you can invite her over to visit. that is completely irresponsible and very stupid.

Answer 15

Tell him that he's your son, and you dont want to take drastic measures, but if he does that again, he wont see his grandchildren.

Answer 16

I don't think that you need to worry so much. Your son is not going to become addicted to alcohol at 2.

You do realize that your FIL gives him puffs of his cigarette when no one is watching, don't you?

Answer 17

Time to lay the law down.  Your FIL is doing harmful things to and around your son.  If FIL wants to see your son, he is NOT allowed to smoke around him period.  If you are at his home and he lights up, leave.  Simply say, "We respect that this is your home and that you have every right to smoke in it, but we must leave now because we won't have our children around second hand smoke".  As for the giving your son drinks, flat out tell FIL that he is NOT to EVER give your children even a hint of a drink.  Keep your eye on your son and if you notice FIL breaking the rule, scoop up your little one and leave.  Don't go back!!!