MY Mother is in a Hospice and is dying, but she seems to be getting "better". What is going on? ?

Question

My Mom was recently (last 3 months) taken off blood dialysis and placed on Parateneal, or home dialysis. Shortly after the transition, she ended up in the hospital with a blood infection, that seemed to be getting better. She took a sharp downward turn after discovering that she also had an infection on her heart valve that sent bits of bacteria to her brain, causing what the doctors call "mini strokes".

Long story short, her kidney doctor told my Dad and me that she has no chance to recover and that it would be best to remove her from dialysis and all medication treatment to "let her die".

It's now been almost 4 weeks and Mom is still hanging on. She has good days and bad days, but she's rarely aware that anyone is there and she frequently asks for her Mom, who passed away many years ago. We're told that this is normal, considering the strokes she's endured. It's very difficult to watch my Mom deteriorate this way.

What I want to know is why is she hanging on? She's not had her blood filtered in some time and the overall consensus is that she's long overdue to pass. It's been very hard on both me and my Dad, both emotionally and financially, to see this drag out.

I'm not getting any answers from the myriad doctors that are attending to him, and the nurses are no help, either. Everyone seems to just want to coddle and comfort us, but not give us any real answers.

Sorry for the long-winded question. I'm just wanting to get a real feel for what my Mom is going through so I can set my own expectations appropriately.

Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

I went through the same time with my brother and I too looked for the same answers as you are. The answer is..there are none. However, when I look back I see that what he went through was the body shuting down.Be it nature or God. The brain knows the kidneys are gone and the brain will do all it can to save itself. Slowly the brain starts to die.Your Moms memory takes her back to when she was younger...she may not know you..because you were not born yet.Things like this are scary to most people..but it is natural and peace giving to the person who is dieing.I'm soory I can't help anymore and my heart goes out to you and your family.

Answer 2

She is holding on because her brain tells her she has things that she still wants to do, she knows that you and your dad are standing beside her, but one day she will finally go to heaven with her mom. I don't want to make you cry,,,but when she talks about her mother, she might be seeing her, and her mom is telling her to come with her, and she is fighting because she wants to stay with you for a while. Its a very rough deal, we just went through this with my uncle, he did the same stuff, and eventually, he decided not to eat or drink, and then a few days later passed away to be with his wife. My prayers are with your family.  

Answer 3

You're describing a similar situation we went through with my grandmother.  She took longer than expected to pass after all but pain meds were removed.  This kind of passing is harder on the survivors than the person dying. Some folks just take longer than others - probably has a strong heart from loving her family.  I'll keep you in my thoughts.