MY wife has admitted to an emotional affair?

Question

I had been gathering my evidence of suspicion.My wife an dthis guy at church.She was texting him at 1 am and erasing the evidence. He was texting her at midnight saying "OKAY" when she goes to the shower but i could'nt find any thing on her outbox.She was calling him to sit next to her even when i was there. I used evidence of some texts i had seen n she finally admitted there was something but it was not physical. At first she had denied untill i told her about the texts.She says its cause we have grown distant and she works with this guy at church, sometimes late at night(3 am) on projects.She says now that she will talk to him n tell him " this whatever it is between us has to stop because you have a gf and i have a husband." IM WONDERING IF SHE WILL? Im wondering what would have happened had i not mentioned all this? I feel like she was cheating an di dont feel like going to the same church to see someone who has been havn an emtional releationship with my wife.Technically they have both been cheating.She says there was nothing sexual etc on the texts between them, but WHY HAS SHE BEEN ERASING THEM? We are at his place for a bbq and at 1 am he leaves us there to run to the store n suddenly he and her are texting. What are they texting about at that time and why erase the messages if it was all innocent?WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE I FEEL BETRAYED LIKE SHE SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.I believe God exposed this cause they were using the cover of church.God dont like ugly, especially in church, thats dirtying the name of his house cause you see like now i dont feel like going to church anymore.I believe its God who exposed this.HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FORGET THIS FOR ME? WILL SHE BREAK AWAY FROM THE AFFAIR TODAY OR WILL IT BE GRADUAL OR WILL THEY GET SMARTER ABOUT IT? She now knows i have evidence from phone company and i have laid down the law as the husband that no more church practises for productions beyond 10 pm and i will tell the pastor that i have told my wife no more practises after 10 am.No more 3 am editing stuff her him an dthis other guy.I support her career but now when its going to destroy my marriage its going to be or the church. I feel very hurt SOMEONE HELP.

Answer 1

I  sympathize to you. It is clear that she is interested in him. Create a healthy and calm atmosphere and talk to her. If she is interested in him then amicably free her to enjoy her life. It is useless to destroy three lives. Tell her clearly that you have taken decision and going to free her so that she should join him for life. Either she will rectify hersely for once and all or you shall be able to free from the tension by getting rid of her.

Answer 2

The most concerning thing here is the lack of honesty and trust in the marriage. Obviously there were problems in the relationship ("feeling distant") and instead of trusting you enough to share her feelings with you, she tried to find solace in an emotional affair. Then you didn't trust her texting habits (apparently with good reason) and discovered this affair. It seems like there are many core issues that need to be worked out and discussed before even dealing with the emotional affair. I suggest finding a good marriage counselor and starting as soon as possible.  

Answer 3

She's "working" till 3AM!! sometimes?   Do you REALLY believe nothing physical has happened?  Come on.

You have been lied to, repeatedly,by both your wife, and this man who is committing adultery with your wife.  Erasing text messages is lying.

She is not respecting you, or your marriage.   It's time for you to find a new church, and possibly a new wife if she does not follow you, wake up, and stand by her man (you).

Answer 4

if it were innocent she would not be deleting the texts,she needs to leave that church and cut all ties with the man, otherwise your marriage will be over.she has to make a choice, telling u she has grown apart from u, speaks volumes and tells it all.

Answer 5

First of all God loves everyone and everything in my eyes. You should consider yourself lucky that she only had an emotional affair. And, if she told you that you two have grown apart what part do you play in it? It's time to give her all the attention she needs and wants and start being more in tune to her. I know what she did is not a good thing but if you are going to hang on to it your relationship will fail. Talk to your pastor and get counseling today. It's time to take a long look at where both of you have gone off track. Don't let anyone run you out of the house of God. I'm sure your God wouldn't want you to leave your Church.  

Answer 6

It seems like they are flirting, which can have an emotional toll on a relationship. However, flirting is not cheating. Guys and gals work together in a job and there is some sort of bond there but, not the kind that breaks up relationships ( unless the respective individuals involved let's it ). It is normal for you to feel insecure about this situation so I would ask her outright if there is anything more going on. Only you can judge her reaction and draw a conclusion if her answer is good.

Answer 7

You have every right to feel hurt!!!   Just b/c there was no s*x involved, doesn't mean there wasn't an affair.  IMO, an emotional affair can do far more damage than a physical one. She didn't share her body with him, but gave him her heart...when she had already promised it to you for the rest of her life.  It will be hard to build the trust back up, but it can be done with a LOT of counseling. I am really glad to see you already have a relationship with God. Lots of prayer will get you through this, follow His guidance, and you can both get past this.  I suggest a lot of counseling with your pastor, and a lot forgiveness and understanding, on both your parts.  

Answer 8

You are right they should'nt play in GOD"S house! Maybe you should let him handle it.Try to forgive her and move on.If you can't maybe you two should separate cause like the old saying goes you don't know what you've lost till it's gone.Hope you find your answer.Good Luck!

Answer 9

If she is really having s*x with the guy and if she is repentant she should be really sorry and cut it off immediately, feeling she screwed up with you. If she is not that repentant then accept the truth and make a decision based on that. Just ask her to tell you the truth, and that you can take it even if you feel destroyed.

Good luck, i was cheated by my ex-gf and it was h**l. Most difficult was letting go.

Answer 10

You and your wife need help. Talk to your pastor and also let him know who this third party is. That way he can help keep the two of them apart. As I see it you both are at fault her. You have been taking your wife for granted and not giving her the little thing she needs. She should have let you know  that you were lacking in this department instead of going else where. Granted nothing physical happened only emotional words were passed but that is bad enough. As long as it was only talk I can not say it was cheating. Just because you talked to another woman does that costitute  cheating. That would depend on the actual conversation and what they were talking about. If it were sexual in nature then yes or if in terms of personal feelings for each other then yes,  other wise no. I hope this will help you in your choices as to what you will do. Good Luck and May God be with You.

Answer 11

If they haven't slept together (probably have), they will or at the very least want to. I would get away from her and that church...maybe smack that guy a few times on your way out.

Answer 12

Im sorry to hear what your going through, I too have experienced the heart ache of emotional cheating, then unfortunitly physical cheating.

I dont know you or your wife, I dont know if you have problems or what goes on behind closed doors, my only advice is, a marriage is important, look back on why you both got married, why you fell in love, is that worth saving? temptations are ripe this day and age, and for what ever reason your wife has falling for one.  I agree, she should not relie on another man for comfort or advice or "emotional" needs at all, however, can you look at your self honestly and ask "is there a reason that she doesnt feel loved by you anymore"? has something happened that made you grow apart, can it be fixed (without blaming the other person)? If you love your wife and she loves you, this needs to be fixed right now!  Take her away to a nice quite place and confess your undying love for her, and tell her (without getting angry) how you feel hurt by what she is doing. Ask her what you can do to make things better and tell her what you need as well. Agree that this is a temptation that has been presented in your lives and you understand that, but tell her that because marriage is so special and sacred that you want to work with her to save it.  Dont lose your marriage to mistrust and anger, believe me I have lost mine because of it. And again, dont leave your faith because of human error, and evil temptations. God loves you and hurts with you, rely on him and seek help through him.  Good luck, I hope you both fall in love all over again.  :)

Answer 13

First of all, she actually could have had s*x at the church in a couch and is lying, She might have tongue kisses, done oral in any case....That spreads some diseases.

You two need immediate couples counseling., You should nicely demand to get her to take lie detector  questions of your choosing to see if she had more than texting, meaning kissing, oral s*x or copulation. You deserve to know, what with all the HIV, Herpes, AIDS, etc. it is your health at stake.

If she refuses lie detector tests, you should divorce to protect your health. You deserve to know.

If she refuses, she is hiding something. This is no game. She is hooked on the guy, and she probably is not innocent and does not want to tell you. It is too important she meet your demands about the lie detector tests. It should be demanded at a therapists office but nicely, so it becomes part of the official record for divorce.

In any case, if it shows she is telling the truth, you must leave this community and move VERY far away so that she is not tempted by him any more. I think divorce is immanent.

Answer 14

She is sleeping with the guy. She already lied about the emotional affair and only came clean when you confronted her with the evidence. I would leave the w***e and kick the the guys asss for s******g her at church.  

Answer 15

DUMP HER NOW.