Made some changes by advice from yahoo readers...your opinions?

Question

The crack was centered vertically on my window

From bottom to top. I peered out the right

Side of the long break to the windy

World; my eyes fixed upon the site

Of fields of wheat that swayed

At the mercy of the winds, like the beauty

Of ocean waves so far away.

And same as the sea, small

Creatures would ascend in ritual, and

Descend to their haven of wheat so thick and tall.

I glanced through the left side of the

Crack to the darkening sky. Soon coyote

Eyes seeking a feast would begin yelping

That high pitched noise of a mythical beast,

Frightening to man, and most frightening, the

Unheard noise, their language, their own, their hellish eyes

without a body. As dawn would approach, they vanished as

If the light would bring them death, for they are built for the night.

Thanks to the laws of time, the sun rose again, and

Through that vertical break in the glass, our star shall

Spread the light as Heavenly rays, sparkling and shining

Through a poor mans stained glass window.

Answer 1

My opinion is this, write what you write... its you.

When it becomes NOT YOU then it isn't worth the peice of paper it is written on. If you changed a poem on the advice of someone else..then who really wrote it, you or them?

I didn't even have a chance to read the original peom, but I can tell you that for sure, without a doubt, I liked it more than this one.