Maid of honor and out of state- help!?

Question

My youngest brother is getting married, and I was just asked to be the maid of honor at the wedding. I'm really shocked that his fiancee asked me, because I've only met her at family occasions and we are not friends at all. I don't mean that I dislike her, she's very nice. But we don't talk on the phone, go out, etc etc.....I just see her when I see my brother. To make things more complicated, I live in Maryland and they live in Michigan. This is a 10 hour drive. I planned to take time off work (of course!) to go to the wedding, and want to help out, but to be the MOH for someone I don't know well, and to live so far- in this type of situation, would I be expected to throw a shower and bachelorette party for her as well? If I say yes (and I don't want to!), is it reasonable of her to expect me to plan and pay for those things, and travel to her state several times in addition to the wedding weekend? I'm just very confused!

Answer 1

tell her you are flattered and would love to be in her wedding but you dont think you would do her justice to be the MOH.

Tell her she needs someone to plan her all sorts of fun things and you simply are unable. If she still wants you in the wedding then you will be. If she still insists on you being the MOH, do it. Perhaps the other girls can take up the slack.

She must really love your brother to want YOU to be her MOH!  

Answer 2

You need to ask the bride these questions, because she's the only one who knows what she's expecting of you.  When I got married, my maid of honor lived out of state as well, and I didn't expect a bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc., from her.  I just wanted HER to be with me on my wedding day.  But she was/is my best girlfriend from high school, and we're still good friends to this day.  You might want to find out why she's asked you though, maybe she feels a sister should do it, and if she doesn't have any sisters, then you're going to be the next best thing.  You really need to talk with her and your brother about this, be up front and honest with them about your situation, including having to take more time off from work than you had initially planned on, not to mention the expense of travel and buying a dress.  However, there's one thing you said that makes me think you should simply decline, and that's the fact that you said you don't want to say yes.  If you don't want to do it, then by all means don't do it.  

Congrats to your brother and his fiancee, and I wish you all the best of luck.

Answer 3

usually the moh plans with her bridal party the bachelorett party. and all the brides maids and maid of honor foot the bill together. things aren't as traditional as they use to be. just plan the batchelorett party 2 days before the wedding, that way it will also help you to have time to get ready for the wedding yourself. as far as her asking you to be her moh, its probably because your brother would like you to be part of the wedding party. it would be an insult not to do so.

Answer 4

My Matron Of Honor lived out of state as well. I did not have a Bachelorette Party, but I did have a Bridal Shower two days before my wedding. My MOH (my mother was mine) had things set up at my house and before hand she had contacted all the women from both sides of the family telling them when it was and that instead of bring gifts (it was optional if they wanted to) that my MOH felt that it would be a great idea to create a cookbook. Each member could either mail or email a recipe. This is a great gift for a first time bride and it really comes in handy.  

Answer 5

Wow, sounds like she thinks the world of you. I know for me it  would make me a bit uncomfortable since this position is usually reserved for people who are very close. I was the MOH for my friend is June. We basically grew up together. I am not saying that this is the path that you should take but if you have reasonable time I would decline and opt to be a bridesmaid instead. Just tell her thanks her for giving your that "honoured position" but you would prefer that she uses someone with whom she is closer. Let her know that you will help her out in whatever way you can.

Just to let you know also, nowadays alot of people tend to use people in their weddings who they think can be of a huge help financially. Is that your position?  

Answer 6

Sounds like you've got a heart-to-heart coming up.  Are you and your brother close?  It may be because of him that she asked you, or else she has no "girlfriends" she can count on.  Either way, you've got to talk with her and as delicately as you can, explain everything you've addressed in your question.  Does she expect you to do all these things, or is she just being polite to include you?  A maid of honor has great responsibility, make sure if you do agree, that you uphold your duties! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

Well this is a pickle. I personally think that she extended the invitation because she would like for you two to become friends. She understands and knows that you live out of town and I think it would be perfectly acceptable for you to handle the Maid of Honor duties, but obviously you would need some help. That's what the bridal party is for. Thank goodness for the internet because without it, we would be limited to being there. If it were me, I would contact her friends in the bridal party and be honest with them. You live too far to give her the Maid of Honor experience you feel she should get, but you want them to have the wedding of their dreams, so if they can help you out in any way you'd appreciate it. I know that people seem like they want a lot when they're getting married, but in my experience a bride just wants a friend who she can whine to, get advice from and lean on if she needs you. All of these can be done without you actually being in the state. That's what God made the internet, phone and travel for. As for paying to visit and to do those additional things, I suggest you look at your budget and see what you can afford. If you can afford to come into town for a long weekend in order to get your dress fitted and help her with some wedding details, great. If you can't, don't be shy, explain that to them. They want you to be involved in their big day, so I very much doubt they'll let something as petty as money overtake family. And if they do, then you know that you're just meant to be there as a guest and there is no shame in that either.  

Answer 8

I would talk to her, and gently explain your concerns.  Try something like this, "Ashley, I'm honored you asked me to be your maid of honor, and I'm really excited to be in your wedding, but there are a lot of responsiblities that go with being a maid of honor.  Since I live out of state, it would be hard for me to plan and help coordinate all of the events that go with a wedding, and I certainly don't want you to be disappointed.  Why don't you have one of your friends be the MOH, and I'll happily take her place as a bridesmaid.  I want you to have the most beautiful wedding possible, I just don't think it's feasible for me to take on the role of trying to make it happen.  I want you to know I'm really excited to be a part of it, it's just a little more than I'm able to do from so far away."  She should understand, and I'm sure she might feel relieved- she may have felt obligated to ask you, and this way you're not in a position you're not comfortable in, and she will have someone closer to her to help her plan things.  Good luck!!!

Answer 9

Definitely do not turn her down. You sister-in law would be devistated. On her side she may see this as an opportunity to get a closer bond with you. As far as the pre-wed party is concerned you guys can email each others ideas. For instance ask her what you would like her theme to be. Look on yellowpages.com for local party stores contact them prior to your arrvial. And ask her mom for help as well. She will need to help you with the things you cannot get accomplished. The maid of honor is like the manger just do some calling around and ask the bridesmaids to help out with the running around espcially since your not there. Im sure she will not expect you to pay. Traditonally the maid of honor does not come out of money.