Maid of honor dilemma?

Question

Ok, so I sorta have 2 BFFs, we'll call them Sarah and Mary. Sarah has made it clear I am suppose to be her maid of honor when she gets married (has a looonnnng engagement). Mary told me she had already promised her cousin that could be her maid of honor if she ever gets married.

So, Mary wouldn't be offended if I didn't choose her as MOH, also, she's pretty laid back and wouldn't care anyways. Sarah is pretty uptight about this stuff and assumed she would be the MOH. So, wanting to circumvent drama, I planned on having Sarah be my MOH. Well Sarah lives 1700 miles away and doesn't have much money. Mary lives kinda far, but not so bad (~8 hrs) and doesn't have money issues.

So, to the problem: Sarah said she couldn't commit to coming and didn't know if/when she could commit, and acted like most likely no. I didn't want to plan on her being here just to not have her not show. I am having a very small wedding party, 2 groomsmen, 2 bridesmaids max. If she didn't show, then just a bestman & MOH. Also, I can only really afford about 25 guests. So if she's not coming, there are plenty of other people to fill that gap.

Well, since Sarah acted like there was a slim, but closer to no chance of her showing, I asked Mary. Now Sarah says her mom might pay for her to come out, but still it's not a definite and she's assuming she'll be the MOH but I already asked Mary. I don't wanna demote Mary since she has been so supportive and helpful in picking out dresses etc and just being involved in general. My mom is deceased so Mary is really the only one helping me pick out any of the wedding stuff. I want Sarah there, we've been friends 12 years, but I know she'll flip out if not the MOH and probably not come.

Any advice?

Answer 1

Why don't you use them BOTH as Maids Of Honor?

Technically since they live SO far away it will be hard for EITHER of them to really support you as with the "traditional" Maid Of Honor duties like helping with the planning, assuring other bridesmaid gets there dress ect ect.

Answer 2

Who says you can't have two maids of honor?  They're equally close to you, right?  Also, there's no hard and fast rule that says you have to have a bridesmaid hierarchy.  Just have two bridesmaids, and if one doesn't show up, promote her to maid of honor.  Really, it's not the title that matters here.  It's the fact that these two people you care about will be there to support you.  Congratulations.

P.S.- If someone has to have the title of Maid of honor, it should be the person who is there to support you the most and help you the most.  That person appears to be Mary.

Answer 3

How about skipping the bridal party?  the wedding is so small, just have the two of your up there.  Have your mom or dad hold the rings.

and on that day if the girls, one or both can be there, they can stand up with you!

Answer 4

It is up to you sweety really. I think that mary is the perfect choice and you can't demote her. Sarah can get over it. She doesn't get everything she wants. Just think about the wedding planning and who would be best to help and who would cause the least stress. Just stick with Mary and tell Sarah you already chose. She can be a bridesmaid. Hope it helps :]

Answer 5

Keep Mary as the MOH. If Sarah comes too, she can be a second MOH. Sometimes there are two MOH in situations like this. And if there ends up being one groomsman, thats fine -- you dont need an equal number on both sides.

Answer 6

Have two MOH's.  This is what I did.  :)

Answer 7

Yes. Grow a spine and tell Sarah that since she wasn't able to commit when you needed a definite answer, you asked your other friend to be MOH.

If Sarah is that much of a selfish brat, she's not much of a friend - despite knowing her for 12 years.

Personally, I wouldn't care if Sarah throws a tantrum and declares that she won't be there. Who needs the drama from a person like that.

From my perspective - she's not a friend anyway - dangling you like that all the time. What a selfish person.

I hope her fiance sees her for what she really is and drops her like a hot potato.

Answer 8

MOH is just a title, Toots....have 2 co-MOH's.....

if you think about it, she led you to beleive that her attendance was at best sketchy, and when her circumstances changed she suddenly wanted your plans changed (revolve around her ?)

If I were you, I would explain to Sarah that because she can NOT give me a reliable committment on the MOH situation, never mind even attending as a guest, I had no choice but to ask Mary....and Mary cannot be un-asked now that Sarah's Mom has, at a later late, decided to possibly ride to the rescue...so either she's a guest, a bride's maid,or a co-maid of honor...I will accomodate as best I can, but in the end my wedding needs firm committments, not  dunno/maybe's......so call when it's definite and depending on how late I get the committment that will dictate the roll she's offered....good luck.