Maid of honor dilemma...who do I ask?

Question

When I first started planning my wedding, I asked my brother's girlfriend (at the time) whom I am very close to if she would be my maid of honor. I have lived out of the state for about 5 years and haven't been very close to my old friends and/or sisters. Well my brother broke up with her and now she lives 5 hours away. Apparently one night I was really upset about it, had a few drinks and asked (via email) my stepsister who lives 3 states away to be my maid of honor. I don't know why I asked her, but I'm regretting it. She sent me a response saying she would love to, but I don't know how to tell her I didn't mean to ask her. I know its a horrible thing to do, but I really don't think my stepsister would be able to provide the things a maid of honor is supposed to do. She is pretty self-centered and rarely comes 'home' to visit. I know my brother's ex has already put a lot of time and effort into helping, she is coming to help in a week and a half and says she will continue to come help when she can. Any ideas? I'm really not shallow...I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and realize what I did was pretty dumb. Please help!

Answer 1

The only things a maid of honor is required to do is hold your bouquet during your vows, sign the marriage license as a witness, fix your train (if you have one) and help you pee if you have a difficult dress. She is not supposed to be your wedding slave, so not really sure what you think she won't do that she is "supposed" to.

Answer 2

Yeah, you can't really take back an offer like that, especially when your step-sister seems excited about it.  That would really hurt her feelings.  Perhaps you can have co-MOH's.  I've seen that before - not a big deal.  The two can share the remainder of the responsibilities.  Just be sure not to hurt anyone - wedding details are not worth damaging relationships for.  

Answer 3

OOH That's a tough one! I think any way you put it someone is going to get their feelings hurt.  If you are close with your step-sister this would be a lot easier.  I think you may just have to tell her that you were drunk & upset & should not have asked her to be your maid of honor because, your brother's ex had already agreed to take the position.

Good luck! & Congratulations!

Answer 4

I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone.  That's evident in the tone of your question.

Why not have two maids of honor?  Since they both live far away, it's possible they will be home at different times to help you.  Keep your friend as the "primary".  Just explain to them that you asked so they can help each other out.  That way, you don't have to explain you asked when you were drunk or anything else and don't have to worry when your stepsister can't do everything you'd like her to.

Hope it works out.  Good luck!

Answer 5

A lot of people do co-maids of honor.  shared responsibilities and titles!

Answer 6

The deed is done. You have already hurt someone, that you can't change. You have to take responsibility for your drunken actions and be honest with the stepsister. Eating crow is painful, but maybe you will learn not to drink? Doing the right thing is going to hurt someone, most of all in the end YOU will be the one who is hurt most of all. You can have two maid of honors but you still have the same problem, what if these two girls end up talking, your still going to get found out. Be honest before you make that choice

Answer 7

That's really tough.  I don't know if you can take that back without hurting her feelings.