Make a dad treat his children better?

Question

My husband is a good provider. However he doesnt know the word compasion. we have 2 children a 11 yr old who who is not his and a 8 yr old daughter who is our together. My problem is he is always yelling at them. He always points out what they do wrong, but says nothing when they do good. He barks orders.He works 3rd shift so all day long I am keeping the house silent. When he does get up its just more yelling or maybe he might give his daughter a little attention if she insists. Today he hit my breking point. It is hot and he yelled for the kids to pick up sticks in the yard. I told the kids to go inside because he was nit piacking the job to death. I finnished it. He always says his money his house never ours. Is there any way I can get through to him that he is hurting our kids, and pushing me away. What should I do?

Answer 1

tell him everything you just toldd us,,, if he really loves you he will understand and be more compassionate,,, maybe even spend a day off wih you guys =)

Answer 2

okkayy well it looks to me that he needs some counsling and i dont think he like kids to well.

you need to maybee put ur foot down and tell him I DONT LIKE YOU YELLING AT THE KIDS FOR EVERY LITTLE THING THEY DO...girl yu need mii temper yell at him bakk or maybe ask the kids if they like him as a father if not then maybe yu should decide on leaving him && if he ever puts his hands on you wat you do it go in the kitchen make sum breakfast like some grits (if yu eat them) then when he hits yu throw the grit on him then grab the kids and leave somewhere. im mixed wid blk and white and i dont let NO man controll me or mi kids.

good luck lol :)

Answer 3

maybe he will start hitting you or bossing you around! TALK WITH HIM GIRL

Answer 4

He sounds like a tyrant, where both you and the kids are concerned.  "His" money?  "His" house?  What kind of respect is he showing you, especially in front of your children, when he speaks to you like that?  He obviously doesn't see you as an equal partner, and you have to ask yourself if that is the model of marriage you wish to present to your children.

Tell him you want to see a marriage counselor.  If he doesn't agree to that, maybe it's ultimatum time.

Answer 5

Sounds like he's angry, depressed and holds an archaic and abusive "might makes right" attitude. The anger and depression can be dealt with through deep self-discovery and effort of thought, but the "might makes right" attitude may very well be ingrained in his personality by his parents, wrapped up in his very understanding of what love itself means and feels. Unless he's at all curious or introspective it's unlikely he will ever see a problem that can't be solved by yelling or swilling a beer for a temporary escape. It's unlikely you could offer him any advice he might take seeing as his resentment at his difficult life now includes you and the kids. The only thing you can do is protect yourself and your kids, by leaving him, now.

Answer 6

It's no way for children to live.  You know he's hurting the kids.  It's been going on for at least 8 years.  How will you be able to forgive yourself when your children are adults and ask you why you let it go on?  When your children are adults they will run so far and so fast away from you and your husband.  Coming home for holidays will be painful in the pit of their stomach.  Phone calls will be ignored.  Take it from a 34 yr old woman who was raised by a mean, controlling, abusive stepmother since I was 5 yrs old and a dad who let it happen.  I blame him as much as I hate her.  To this day we all get along, but I cannot go home without feeling sick to my stomach, I still get nervous when I'm in the presence of my parents and this after years of therapy.  You need to change things for your children.  It's your duty as their mother.  You are supposed to protect them.  They go to bed at night and wonder why you are letting this happen just as much as they go to bed at night and wonder why their dad is mean, hateful, cruel and why they have such a terrible childhood.  Children shouldn't have to tiptoe through their own house.

Leave him.  He either sees the error of his ways and changes or you start a new life.   Believe me you will see a change in your children for the better.

Answer 7

Talk to him, calmly but firmly. Let him know his behavior is not okay. You don't always expect him to be Mr. Nice Guy, because all parents sometimes have to yell if kids misbehave, but for him to treat the children with respect.

As for the money matter, let him know his name might be on the checks, but who buys the food? Who takes care of the kids? YOU! Say it nicely,though.

If he pushes you off, go some place, like your parents, a siblings, a releatives or a friends, and file for divorce. Your kids don't desevre this. And neither do you.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You need marital counseling big time.

Answer 9

Tell him that little girls will grow up to find husbands who mimick their father's behavior and that he spend some time thinking about how he wants a man to treat his daughter one day.  Same goes for boys, your son will mimick his behavior in his life and relationships.  

It sounds like he works alot and is probably stressed or depressed and doesn't mean to take things out on everyone.  Maybe he feels unappreciated or that he carries the stress load of the family.  Do you protect your children too much??  Sometimes fathers resent that and will retreat instead of resolve.   It's not such a bad thing to have children picking up sticks on a hot day.  My husband and I dug a vegetable garden yesterday and our 8 year old daughter helped us.  It was hot, but she lived through it and learned responsibility in the process.  I would talk to your husband and tell him you understand he's stressed but that you and the children need him in your lives.  Ask him if there is anything you can do to help.  Sometimes men feel isolated in their lives with the responsiblity of taking care of a family.  I know he loves you all, but sometimes you have to point things out to them.  But if you go accusing him and saying "you never do this, you never do that"...trust me...it's going to backfire on you.  Be gentle in your discussions.  I think sometimes we see men as some tyrants (true, some are) but most just need to feel appreciated just as we do.  They are human.  They don't have the "motherly" instinct that we have.  I am speaking from experience, as well, with my own husband and family.   Instead of blaming him verbally for things, be consistently supportive and have adult conversations.  Keep your cool and don't yell.  Have faith that he can and will change.

Answer 10

My mother had a similar problem with my father. The problem as I observed it? She never stood her ground. She had opinions but they were never enforced. It's great that you have the power and spine to go against your husband's orders (re: the stick collecting story) because my mother never could. You are capable of being proactive here. My father was a generous provider, absolutely faithful, and he never brought up the issue of "his" versus "ours." It seems that there's a respect issue here that your husband, by your account, just recently developed.

Something to consider: my father was also not the congratulatory type. Thus, I am a 25 year old who seeks approval from a therapist. I would hate to see an avoidable situation happen because he is going through something personal and can't share it with you. Try to find a good psychiatrist and bring him with you. Solo sessions may be very useful as well.

PS - you gave birth to those kids. You paid your dues!

Answer 11

go to a fmiy counciler

talk to him

start working to take the pressure off him

Answer 12

If I were you, I would just be totally and brutally honest with him. Make sure you talk to him when the kids aren't around and when you two have some time to really talk. Don't just tell him what he's doing wrong, tell him what he has done right so that he doesn't think that you're "ganging" up on him. Tell him that he's an excellent provider or something and then bring up the major things he absolutely needs to change. Hopefully he will respond more positively if you bring up something good about him as well.

Answer 13

you shouldve thought about this matter b4 you had kids of him hun...