Make amends, or let it go?

Question

Around Christmas time, my older sister and I had a falling out.

I sent an email to the family expressing my frustration at how no one was offering to host Christmas. Even though I have the smallest house, and was 6 months pregnant at the time. I was pretty angry, but I felt I had a right to say how I felt. My mom agreed and offered to help in any way she could. My sister however, went ballistic. She felt I was "attacking" her and told me that she would not be coming to any Christmas get-together. I apologized if what I said made her upset, but I would not apologize for saying how I felt. She said that she didn't want to talk to me until the holidays had passed, and not via email. She sent my kids' gifts through the mail.

I tried several times to talk via email because she is a very hard person to talk to in person or over the phone. Being pregnant at the time, I didn't want to get too upset and get stressed out and stress out the baby. I kept asking her to talk via email so I could have time to sit and read her thoughts and feelings without jumping to conclusions and getting mad and saying things I didn't mean. She just couldn't understand this. She insisted on speaking and kept saying "we need to talk in a 'healthy' way". I kept trying to email her and apologize and she started blocking my emails.

I invited her to my baby shower...she didn't come.

My baby was born, and she never called. She has sent my kids b-day gifts, etc., but will not email me or anything. I haven't been able to see my neices and nephew for a long time. I miss them.

I feel the reason she wants to "talk" is to basically verbally scold me for saying how I felt. I honestly wish we could just sweep the whole thing under the rug, but she just can't let it go. I just don't know where to go from here. My baby is 5 months old, and we have still not spoken.

Should I call her and let her "rip me a new one" like I think she wants, or should I continue playing the silent game? I hate playing games, and I don't know why she just won't accept the 3 apologies that I have already given.

Please help?

Answer 1

If you dont like playin games then dont...call her up let her ge her frustration out, as long as u stay calm and lash out at her jus hear her and and she should do the same..if shes really that stubborn then umm....maybe theres no way around it...

Answer 2

You need to make up with your sister.

I had a similar falling out with mine on Christmas Eve.

She had not been taking care of her car and driving it all over h**l and back.

I told her when it breaks down don't come to me looking for rides all over.

It wasn't such a great car to begin with and it did break down 2 days before Christmas.

of couse she called me on Christmas Eve and asked me for a ride to my other sisters house and I told her no.

We fought like crazy and ended up not talking for 6 months.

Finally in June, 2 weeks before her birthday, we ran into each other at my mother's house and made up.

It was a little strained but we were always very close and I missed her a lot but pride got in the way anyways.

2 weeks later I called her on her to wish her a happy birthday.

Later that day (on her birthday) my brother-in-law called me up to tell me he found her napping in the bed and she was not breathing.

He was an EMT at one point so to hear the tone in his voice...

They rushed her to the hospital but it was too late.

She ended up passing away on her birthday of some weird heart defect. (she just turned 31)

I kick myself in the *** every day for letting pride get in the way of spending those extra 6 months with her.

I wouldn't let her "rip me a new one".

Tell her this story because it completely true then give her a hug.

I wish I could

Answer 3

I'm not sure how your pre-Christmas e-mail read so I can't really say why she is so offended.  I don't understand either why you would be expected to host the gathering under any circumstance if you have a small house!  She clearly has not burnt all bridges if she is continuing to send gifts to your children.  I think family is so important,  Maybe you should agree to talk with her, if she is angry let her speak her mind and hopefully you can express yours without being so upset.  I know you Love your Sister, and I'm sure she misses you also.  Good Luck  xox

Answer 4

you should have some of your family members talk to her and explain that you need her because you have been through thick and thin for her and she has not responded for many months but only responded for your children by giving them things,but she is not responding to you for little reasons and has no way of giving you respect or relizing at the time you needed her she was not there and ignored you well going through pregnancy and wanted to talked in person but still knowing that the talk in btween you two would just stress the baby out and make it more worse with hormones because all she wanted to do is talk,but i think that since you have gave birth you should have no worries about stressing the baby,you two should sit down and have a grown and mature talk at a suitable area were she will be happy to spend time with you.

Answer 5

you already appoligised.. shes ignoring your emails .. youve done all you can do... three times over.

I fully understand how you feel.. but she has done what she did for her own reasons. my sister has done the same thing with our family... there are 5 of us kids and the two oldest dont speak to our parents, my little brother or our bed ridden sister.. and they both claim to be ministers of their churches... its disgusting. supposed to be christians and they have not spoken to their own family memebers in over 20 years... why you ask? good question, they wont tell us... guess were just not good enough for them.

my stand is dont do anything else, you have already done enough, your stressing yourself out for someone that does not give a da**. its sad... if you miss her kids, call them, write to them, let them know you still care. I set my sisters kids cards and gifts till they were 18 even though she did nothing for my kids...

best of luck to you

Answer 6

Be the bigger person and Stop the silent game once and for all.  

Answer 7

Any one? help with this question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 8

Let her go on, maybe she took it too personally.  Then state your case.  Who cares if she yells at you, you can always hang up.  And it's not like it'll ruin the relationship further, it's pretty bad already.

Answer 9

Family is family...crazy or not.  I have the same problems with my mom at times and most of the time she's wrong.  I say call your sister and see if she's over it and if she decides to "rip you a new one" then let her say what she has to say. If you can handle it of course. I just let my mom go off and get it out of her system and move on because I know that's her personality (I'll never be right).  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to let someone walk all over you but she's your sister and you know how she works and if that's the only way to sweep it under the rug then just get it over with. Now if it was someone else as in a friend or someone that just doesn't mean that much then I would say cut all ties.  Hope everything works out because family is all we have sometimes :)

Answer 10

You've tried.. now i think it's up to her. I'm sure she is living with the guilt of it all, but who knows? I think she is acting very childish.. it's ridiculous for her to act like that. From what you've written, i don't think she has any reason at all to be mad at you.

I say just move on with your life and quit trying. You don't need people like that to stress you out.. even if it is your sister. She'll hopefully come around.

Or you can do as my mom would tell you and "kill her with kindness."

You decide.

:)