Make me laugh.......?

Question

10 points to the person who makes me laugh the hardest.

:D

Answer 1

An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said.

"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

Answer 2

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

disappointment=wouldn't that tear the fork out of your best nightie

everything is OK=the jobs right mate the jobs right

saying=I'm not as think as you drunk i am.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.'

The doctor says, 'It's old age.'

The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.'

The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"  

Answer 3

In h**l there was a pretty tough and muscular man being pulled into h**l..

He kept grabing the ground refusing to go into h**l, the two gurdians pulling him pushed h**l's door open and starting pulling him as hard as possible, and that was when a man shouted from inside h**l"shut the d**n door, i am gonna catch a cold".

ok you didn't like my first joke:

here goes another one when 3 drunk guys were drivig a car and they hit someone, the drunk driver sayz"holy s*** what the h**l was that""see if he is dead"he told his friend.

his drunk friend went to check and then he said"Oh s***,,, drive back a little ,now to the right,a little bit to the left,,,,lets go he is dead"

Answer 4

This young man comes home from Ranger school, and tells his dad about what they had him do.

"they tried to make me jump out of an air plane !! but i looked out the door and knew there was no way i would do it!!"

"then my drill sargeant came up to me and said if i didn't jump, he was gonna stick his baton up my hind end!!!"

his dad asked him, "did you jump?"

"A little at first!!"

and my other joke is :

What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?

CHOKED!!!

Answer 5

p**p  

Answer 6

So there is this race car driver and he is driving in the desert and he sees a gas station and he stops goes indide and gets a coke. then the cashier is chineese and the chinese man says me chineese me play joke me put pee pee in your coke. then the cowboy said eww no

thats gross man. then he leaves.

The an hour later,

So there is this Girley girl and she is driving in the desert and she sees a gas station and she stops goes indide and gets a coke. then the cashier is chineese and the chinese man says me chineese me play joke me put pee pee in your coke. then the girly girl said eww lke no. Then she leaves.

Than an hour later....

So there is this cowboy and he is riding on his horse in the desert and he sees a gas station and he stops goes indide and gets a coke. then the cashier is chineese and the chinese man says me chineese me play joke me put pee pee in your coke. then the cowboy said Me cowboy me shoot fast me put bullet up yur A**    

Hahahahaha  heres another one

scroll down

Chicken Pie hahahahahahah lol

Answer 7

you have a sibling that is also your classmate and you are still drinking on a baby bottle!(your classmates even your best friend does'nt know it only your family)when you are sleeping...........you did not notice that she is taking a video or a pic on you!next morning she went to school earlier than you and there are pictures or videos in the school (videos or pictures of you doing it!)  

Answer 8

Watch Video Of Achmed The Dead Terrorist on youtube

Answer 9

1) A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of   them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

______________________________________...

2) Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.  After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœWell,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.



Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.



Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.



Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.



Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.



But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.  

“Watson, you idiot!” he says.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœSomeone has stolen our tent!”

______________________________________...

3) Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this?”

Answer 10

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood

rings so she could monitor my mood.

We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am

in a bad mood, it leaves a big freakin' red mark on her forehead.

Answer 11

There once was a woman..

Who came home...

And found that her son...

Didn't do the dishes.

Answer 12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXp2ruZox...

try these ones!

Answer 13

Why does ET have big eyes?

He saw his phone bill.

Answer 14

A while back I was surfing and I saw one of those adverts?

"Have any woman you want", so I sent off

They sent me some chloroform...

I thought it was aftershave

I woke up a week later

:D

¬m¬

Answer 15

no no no...

watch the great omani on youtube.