Makeing a will and deciding who gets the child

Question

My mom is pressuring us to make a will so that the care of my child will be determined in the unfortunate event that something happen to both my husband and me. Of course if something did happen, I'd want my mom to take care of her. I do like my mother in law but I like my mom better. I haven't discussed it with my husband yet, but I'm almost definite he would pick his mom because how can you not show favoritism to your own mother.

How did you make the decision? Did it cause a fight with your spouse? Did one parent make it obvious that their feelings were hurt because you didnt choose them?

Answer 1

My husband and I did not choose one of our parents, since after potentially being traumatized by having their parents die, we wanted the children to be with someone young who would be likely be around until they were grown.  This isn't an award of something special to the most popular person, this is choosing someone who is willing to take on an awesome responsibility based on their abilities.

We chose one of my sisters and her husband as first choice because they were around the children more often and then one of his sisters and her husband as second choice because they didn't see them as often.  Do not make your decision based on possible hurt feelings but on objective things like this potential guardian's medical condition, age, own home or rent, other children who would be in the home, who would be competent to handle the children's inheritance, child rearing practices similiar to yours, etc.  You could even pick a family member from one side to have the children live with them and a family member from the other side to invest and safeguard the children's money.

Answer 2

This is a question whose answer shouldn't be based on which grandmother you like better.  You need to factor in many things:

finances

health

job obligations

ability to care for a child

housing situation

age

transportation situation

etc.

Your best bet would be to sit down with your spouse and discuss this as adults and with the best interest of your child in mind.  Not who is the more popular grandmother.

Answer 3

well for one the parents would be too old to care for you child. that is one point if something happened. what iw ould do. do you have a friend best friends that would takeyour kid? i mean someone or relative cousin or somethign your age? its just it shoudl be someone younger like yourselves cause its not them that shoudl raise them they are going to be too old and can't do it right. but remember this. my hubby and i had a will. you would think that all in both your names is good right? well its not. if you have credit cards and its in his name and he dies it is automatic that its done you do not have to pay for it and so if you could tell who would die first it would be neat. in texas 50 percent but then again when you have will you need to reaize you have to have suvivor ship on checkiing savings and any moneys and then if yo have car loan sivovir ship cause break the debt so you won't have to pay. those things should be thought of also. its alot to think about if you bury someone do you know how much barely nothing will cost 9,000 no its  no frills and stuff if you cremate at least you can have it under that abit it depends on how you do it with some visitation and body showing and cremation. its unreal i woul dget this set up cause my hubby did alot and i wan't too badly hurt but if you dont' have alot sof money to start out with to pay bills and stuff you could run into big rpobelsm. its hard enough coping with the death take care.

Answer 4

D wants little D to go to his sister if anything happens to us. I thought my sister would be my first choice, but his sister has a lot more to offer him and since little D doesn't know either of them, that doesn't influence our decision. If my child knew one closely  and not the other, I would have to factor that in.

Answer 5

My husband and I picked someone our age whom we felt would be a good parent.  We happened to pick one of my husband's sisters (he has four and I have one brother) because we believe that she has the same values about money, education, etc.  Our kids would probably be even more disciplined if they lived with her.

Answer 6

It is a very difficult conversation to have with hubby, I agree.  But if you do choose your Mom, there is no reason that your mil needs to know.  Chances are you and your hubby will not pass and mil will never find out.  If you do pass, by the time your mil finds out she will not be caring for your child...you'll be gone and won't have to deal with it.  Good luck with your husband though.  I explained it to my husband that I was just more comfortable with my Mom because I knew first hand what it was like growing up in my mothers care.  I told him that I didn't feel as if his Mom wouldn't do a great job as he was/is a wonderful man and she did wonderful with him, it was just a matter of personal experience that I had growing up with my Mom...between you and I, I would NEVER have my mil care for my daughter for more than a couple of hours let alone her whole childhood.  Good luck

Answer 7

If your children are closer to your mom, she gets them.  If she is UNABLE or doesn't want to care for them, your MIL gets them.  You can also put in the will that you would like for your MIL to have visitation.