Making a child say they are sorry when clearly they arent?

Question

Ok i don't have kids i just have my childhood to refer to. I remember as a child when i did something my mom would mae me say i was sorry. Sometimes i would be sorry other times i really wasn't. An example once when i was about 8 i told my cousins who were 14 at the time to shut the f**k up. I said it because they were being mean and picking on me. They ran and told my mom i got spanked and was told to apologize. I told her i wasn't sorry i said it because they were mean. She told me to apologize or she would spank me again.So i apologized even though i did not mean it just bc i was afraid of being spanked again. My question should you make a child apologize when they are not sorry? Isn't this sort of teaching them to lie? Cant a person tell when a child isn't truly sorry? Wont they learn on their own if you do something wrong(ie say something mean I'm not talking about hitting I'm talking more words) that the person you say it to wont play with you anymore? Like i said i don't know i don't have kids ive just always wondered.

Answer 1

I dont look at it as teaching you to lie, but its teaching you to deal with situations in a proper manor apposed to resulting to violence (shoving, cursing, hitting etc....)

Answer 2

It's a shame your parents had no means of birth control.

Answer 3

their kids leave they atleast tried to say sorry than refuse they will hear words like this when they get older they cant be perfect  

Answer 4

Your so right you are only teaching them to lie. I wouldn't have smacked you but that's me and i wouldn't have given the other child that much power over you. Everyone parent's differently but i always wanted my children to know how what they did or said affected other people so when they said sorry they knew why and they turned out great so i think i did ok.

Answer 5

I think it's a matter of in some circumstances....if the child is not sorry they should be and better be or they will be even more sorry later when they get disciplined harder lol.   That was a good question and maybe I should rethink having my children say sorry when they really are not sorry.

Answer 6

I think it will bring inferiority complex to the children.

Only when they have done some mistake, we can expect them to feel sorry. Otherwise not.

Answer 7

Well when a mother or father-- or any adult really-- makes a child appologize, they are really doing it for themself-- somehow it makes them feel better, and its also "the right thing to do." teaching manners and that sort of thing.

but i know what you mean!  

Answer 8

I have mixed feelings on this. One, a person should not be made to express feelings they do not share. However, in all social situations, compromise is important to learn and important for future relationships.

Answer 9

sadistic to force a kid to say that

Answer 10

It depends on the situation.  In my classroom, I walk them through a full apology.  For example, if Christian pushes Logan I would talk to Logan and ask him why he did it and if he would like it done to him.  I then call both children over and get to the root of the issue.  I guide Christian through the apology like this:  "I'm sorry I pushed you Logan.  I know it didn't make you feel happy.  I won't do it again."  That way the child is verbally admitting to what happened and have to admit that what they did was wrong.  Mind you, I teach kindergarten, so by now they should be able to do this on their own.

I think approaching it this way teaches children to realize why we need to apologize and to acknowledge other people's feelings.

Answer 11

I'm only 23, but I have a feeling you probably got a spanking bc you dropped the F-Bomb when you were 8. Had you just said "shut up", you would have probably had a stronger case.

Your mom was probably just really upset that you used the F Word, and towards your cousins, family. When kids use words like that at such a young age, it reflects very poorly on the parent. Which is probably why she wanted you to 'improve' that image of her 8 year old boy swearing, by having you apologize.

If my kid swore at that age, I'd make them apologize. She should have listened to your side too and maybe dealt w it differently so as not to let your cousins get away with anything. However, I think that kids that age don't always know when he or she should be sorry, which is why parents try to show them. The same is true that kids that age don't always react to situations the same way and adult or teenager would.

Hopefully now, at 14, if someone was being a jerk to you, you'd do something more mature then say "Shut the Eff Up!"

If so, maybe it's because you got that little spank.

Answer 12

?

Answer 13

I fully agree with your principles. Anybody should not be forced to apologize if they did not do wrong. I would do the same! I have 5 children and never forced them to apologize when it is not their mistake. If somehow (mostly because of emotion) I forced them to apologize but later found out that I was wrong, it is me who will apologize to my child. As about your example, I think it is more of a face saving of your mom or because she did not like you to use the four letter word.

Answer 14

when my mom makes me say sorry, I go no.. because I wont mean it.

I say sorry when I have thought about what Ive done and I mean what I say... words are pointless without meaning.

Answer 15

I don't think you should if their truly not sorry. Meaning in words. If say they slap someone and scrap their nails on their face then they should.

Answer 16

i agree training a child to say sorry when there not when there young just makes the word have no meaning and its so stupid!

Answer 17

i have never actually looked at it like

that but i see what your saying..

but i do it myself..if my nephew hits

my niece because of something i make

him apologize and vise verses..its just

the fact that they shouldn't have done

it.

Answer 18

i do not say im sorry if im not. im a teenager now. it is teaching them to b polite, but i'd rather b abbresively honest then have to lie