Male & Female adults: Have you ever been so obsessed and in love that you couldn't let go? ?

Question

About 3 yrs ago, I made my biggest mistake yet and became someones FWB (friend with benefits) He is actually a good friends brother. Instead of just have s*x and going our separate ways, we would spend the night together 5 or 6 nights a week, go out to eat or drink, shop, talk on the phone everyday 3 or 4 times a day, cook dinner or breakfast for each other, exchange money, have me around his family and his kids...basically, everything people do in a relationship. He told me in the beginning he didn't want to be in a relationship and I agreed to it but I fell in love with him. We have gotten into a few arguments and called it quits a few times, but I would always get to the point where I missed him so much, I would call him and ask to get together and things would go back to normal. Then I got to the point that I started checking his cell phone and discover he is talking to an ex FWB on the daily basis, she calls him or he calls her, it is not one sided. I question him about it without letting him know I went through his phone and he says he has friends. I can't understand why he needs to talk to her everyday and it makes me feel that I am really not that special. Btw, he stated in the beginning that we were to only sleep with each other. Since I can't make him stop talking to her, I let it go but I still check the phone. I had my feelings under control and felt that I fell out of love with him but still had really strong feelings for him. Now, I am starting to realize that I still love him and my day isn't right until I talk to him atleast once and I have even started to ride by his house to see if his car is there and if there are any "strange" cars around. I know in my heart that I need to leave him alone because we are not going to be a couple and i am setting myself up for a more serious heartbreak. I have tried to spend time with other men but I end up not enjoying their company, conversation or the s*x. How do I get the strength to move on? I have kinda tricked myself into being content with this situation by saying since I am not seeing anyone else, I might as well be happy with this guy and enjoy the s*x but keep my feelings to myself until someone else comes along but I always get into an argument with him and then it'll come back up that we are not in a relationship. Please help or offer your advice/opinion.

Answer 1

tell him that if ya ll can't be in a realtionship then you need to let him go because you are falling for him and that it is hurting you be honest with him.

Answer 2

hun, you're doing yourself more harm than good. you're right, this kind of relationships is not healthy, and you were wrong to do this.

but now that you realize that you're the only one falling in love with him, and that you're not as special to him as he is to you, you should try to detach yourself from him. i know it's gonna be really really hard.

i've got a friend who's in the same relationship as you, only it's the other way around. she's the one who only cares about the s*x and nothing else and he's fallen in love with her. he doesen't say it but it shows, and it just kinda annoys her because she believes that she's been clear to him about their relationship from the beginning. so i really see what you're going through.

you should start working on yourself from now on. try finding new activities and things to do that you like and doesn't include him. it will help you take your mind of him and you might even enjoy it.

and tell yourself that you're a grown complete woman now, you do not need a man to complete you, much less a man who doesn't seem to care for you. stop torturing yourself. go out, or surf the net, make new friends.

maybe if you stopped calling him for a bit, he'll miss you, or maybe he won't, he'll just be happy to get rid of you. i know, those are harsh words, but your relationship is not made to last. sooner or later, it will fade or just break. you should be prepared. after all you agreed to this.

i can't say much more but my last advice is to be strong. and never lie to yourself, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache. so if you wanna stay with him, just enjoy the s*x but do not expect much unless you're sure your feelings will be returned. good luck

by the way, obsession fades with time, it might hurt in the beginning but nothing time wouldn't heal.

one more thing, if you really wanna start falling out of love with him just focus on the bad stuff. no one is perfect so he must have something you don't like, focus on it and try to see him through the eyes of someone else.

Answer 3

you convince yourself to be busy and realize that there are more guys out there.

Don't always think that nothing else better will come along But always be hopeful in the future.

Alternate solution: Get another FWB? Maybe this will help ^_^

-Sniffles

Answer 4

tell him that you want to be in a relationship with him

if he says no, move on

Answer 5

Hey ... lets be real and a little grown up.. If a dog has 2 bones he's going to chew both of them .. Same thing in this situation. He's not going to commit to your for real , maybe for a night but that's all , why would he want to .. Your still there !  If It's that good, take it for as long as you can and have other relationships..  Try a guy you really like, not a shadow of this one.. You may be surprised !!    

Answer 6

You have already answered your (long) question as follows: We have gotten into a few arguments and called it quits a few times, but I would always get to the point where I missed him so much, I would call him and ask to get together and things would go back to normal.

Your definition of 'normal" was friends with benefits...as you stated, which included  s*x (duh).

You have now made and decided it was/is a relationship..(from what I read), the 'relationship' was and is nothing more that what you already stated..'friends w/ benefits".. and now...YOU are making it to be much more...He apparently does not agree..so make it  YOUR choice.

And for heaven's sake...STOP being a stalker before you get arrested...let it go! (And live life for what it offers...experience)..

Then move on...wiser and stronger for having lived through it..with much more maturity. Ok?  Good luck to you hun.

Answer 7

Drink alotta booze, key up his car and move onto a real relationship.

Answer 8

You need to end the fwb relationship.  It's degrading to you and it is only hurting you.  You cannot separate s*x and love..they are supposed to go hand in hand.  If he doesn't have the same feelings for you, why would you continue to let him use you for s*x.  Besides that, you don't know who else he's having s*x with.  You are putting your health at risk by sleeping with him.  

Answer 9

I know how you feel and I was actually in a similar situation, but just let it all go. It was emotionally draining trying to compete with the mother of his first born son. We became friends first, then about 3-4 months into it, we started having s*x. The first time, I initiated it, so I couldn't really be mad when he didn't want to leave his baby's mother for me after a year of this. He kept complaining about her, but when I offered him something that came with less drama, he wasn't ready to take that step, and used his son as an excuse to stay in an unhappy relationship. I cared about him and started falling in love, but he wasn't I ended up getting into a text message battle with his baby;s mom and he decided that things had gone too far between us as and we agreed to end it sexually, but remain friends. It gets hard sometimes, but we have to let things go sometimes.

If I were you, I'd  stop having s*x with him, especially if you're catching feelings and he's not. You will be the one hurt in the end and he'll have a back up bed buddy to fall on. Leave him alone and explore other options. Driving by his house and checking his phone is something that wives and serious girlfriends do, when trying to catch their boyfriends cheating. He's just a friend that you're sleeping with, nothing more, nothing less. If you consider it anything more than that, you will end up disappointed, I know it's hard, but spare your heart. Good luck to you.

-Knowledge24

Answer 10

Wow - you are in a dilemma and also getting paranoid. And what you are up against is a W A L L  which I am not sure you can break or maybe it is not meant to be.

You see -

Actually you have tried to do the right thing "have tried to spend time with other men but I end up not enjoying their company, conversation or the s*x. " by sleeping with others and so forth.

And -

" and it makes me feel that I am really not that special. "  maybe you are not that special to him but you could be someone else special.

Now here I can help you -

" How do I get the strength to move on? "

Everyone has the strength to move on. What you need is dignity. You are stooping too low for a love which seems to me one sided. Beside you are fast losing respect. Maybe for you it has become a score now. You probably feel you have lost face. Loving does not give you the right to claim someone. It has to be reciprocated. The best part of love is that if you had really love someone that alone could give you the strength to love from a distance - change your hairstyle, don't call him, go out and have fun, make fun of guys (that should keep you happy) and then during the long nights yearn for him with Blue songs and wait ....

Don't be surprise when he comes looking for you. Then tell him how you actually feel and how you are trying to get over it...

You may not get him back but you will be much the stronger. It is not superman strength but a day by day dose of restoring yourself.

Phew -