Male point of view please?

Question

I would like to know if I'm being unreasonable.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and we live together.

My problem is that he smokes weed every day.

I say to him that I don't mind him doing it occasionally like at parties or when out with friends but not at home when he is alone or its just the two of us because I don't want to breathe it in and I think its sad that he needs it all the time.

He makes me feel like I am making unreasonable demands so what do you guys think?

Would you stop smoking pot for your girlfriend?

I feel like I don't want to stay with him if he's not going to change because long-term it is not healthy, I have told him this but he turns it back on me saying that I have low self-esteem and he would like a confident girlfriend (I don't really get the relevance of this).

Answer 1

1- I would not stop for my girlfriend.

BUT

2- if she is not a smoker I would have the common decency to not smoke around her, its pretty bad that he only smokes alone (unless there is a medical condition he isn't telling you about that it alleviates pain).  

3- weed is a social drug like alcohol and smoking alone is a sign of abuse (absent a pain relief medical need).

4- you are not bieng unreasonable, but he sounds like a loafing loser if he can't get a grip. at this point I think you are past the "shot across the bow" but delivering a more stern ultimatum (when he is not high) is probably more diplomatic before you leave him.

Answer 2

He is trying to make you feel bad by telling you you have low self esteem and he is really bad at it. I personally would give up anything that is unhealthy for me for a girl if she asked me because I would expect the same from her personally. Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk and needs his as* kicked for not being respectful of your not smoking in your common are request.  

Answer 3

It sounds like your being very reasonable! and i would consider leaving him if he cant get a grip.

Answer 4

He isn't going to change for you. Either get used to the fact that he is an addict (and if he does it every day he is an addict) Or leave the fool and find a man who doesn't need weed.  

Answer 5

Not a male, but I think you're being reasonable.  Every relationship is about give and take.  My suggestion, have a deep conversation with him.  Talk it out, and if you don't like what you hear, then pack it up.

Answer 6

I was on his side until the las couple lines. I dont think there is any problem with smoking herb, but him trying to say that you have low self esteem because he doesnt like you smoking is ridiculous.

Answer 7

Dump him .don't be a  dope.

..

Answer 8

It's not healthy period, long or short term.

Do yourself a favour and find someone who doesn't need to be stoned to "enjoy" life.

Answer 9

Ok i know u preferred guys to answer ur question, but judging by experience he's just defensive, hence him putting it back on u.  Ina way he's scared that umight be right and one day potentially tell him it's over, so by making u seem slightly inferior will allow him to keep that hold over u.

Secondly, u have every right to tell him to stop smoking weed.  It's not like your making him stop all together, just when u guys are together.  Why does he need it.  U should question that hun, as it truly isn't fair on u!  Perhaps u could work withhim, make a joke out of it and get him off it bit by bit..so instead of having 3 spliffs a night, cut down to one..then half.

Answer 10

No you're not being unreasonable, your being a good person and looking out for your boyfriend. I wouldn't mind being asked to stop something if it made my girlfriend happy. I think if you've told him not to, and he doesn't stop he really isn't all that concerned about what you want.

And yes, if I did smoke I'd stop for my girlfriend. Plus it isn't healthy :)

P.S. I'd say if he needed to be stoned every day, he mustn't be all that happy, or he just doesn't appreciate you.

Answer 11

if thats the way you feel and thats the way he is its time for you to move on .as your gonna wait a long time for him to change.and the you would probably be wasting your time nip it in the bud know give him an ultimatumeither he gives up the weed  if he thinks anything about his health or you he should aggree if not tell him your off and not waiting around for him to slowly kill him self.

Answer 12

How's the s*x?

Only going to get worse from here

If he doesn't stop, you might as well give up

Answer 13

I've nothing against the friendly little herb, but you need a new boyfriend, you really do. It's up to you now.

Answer 14

No your not being unreasonable at all. That stuff is just bad news...especially if he is addicted like that. Yes you can get addicted to weed, not physically dependant, but you can get addicted.

People who feel they need to be on a substance to enjoy life don't deserve your pity or your understanding. My best friend is exactly like this, weed every day, alcohol as often as possible,....at first I felt bad for him but eventually after I had told him he should slow down on it all the time and he just told me to mind my business.... I gave up on him. Whatever he wants to do is his business, and its your boyfriends own business as well.

But that doesn't mean you have to stay with him, you will have to always be with this guy where I am only with my friend when I hang out with him. If you don't like it, tell him its you or the weed.

Answer 15

Just like drinking too much, smoking too much grass can be a problem.  

It sounds as though you are being pretty reasonable with allowing/accepting the occasional smoke @ parties, etc...

If he won't accept that then it'll be up to you if you want to stay w/him or not.

BTW...  If anyone has esteem issues I'd say it's him, not you.

Answer 16

if you were secure with yourself, youd understand that he could be doing a thousand things that are worse than smoking weed.

would you rather him getting drunk everyday? going out looking for chicks at clubs?

in the overall scheme of things, a couple rips off a joint really isnt that big a deal.

Answer 17

I'm male.

You're being reasonable. However he is being reasonable too.

You don't like the smell or the health risk. You may want to suggest he buy a Vaporizer which eliminates the worst toxic smell. And is healthy compared to normal, because it does not ignite the plant matter like a joint.

He likes self-medicating. And just like someone on prescription medication, people do not like being told to stop taking medicine that they feel helps them.

If you like your boyfriend, try to offer him this. If he can't do this, then he probably just doesn't like you.