Manifested manipulation: Spot fixing hits cricket journalists, physicians and fans (Part 1)
In a meeting presided by the International Cricket Council’s committee for the manipulation of cricket, the head of the committee Mr. Maroon Smallcat said, “With deep regret have we convened this meeting to focus our attention on the latest crime that has
seemingly evaded the watchful eyes of the guard dogs in my neighbours’ house. Editors, writers, journalists and fans have joined forces to make enormous amounts of money by spot-fixing. The report that I carry in my hands is the most comprehensive report to
have made its way in the ICC cricket arena.”
Wearing his half mooned spectacles, he cleared his throat and in a sombre voice read the content of the report.
“Roses are red, violets are blue, my sweet cat needs to go to the loo.”
Mr. Maroon looked up at the horrified faces of the committee members. He looked at the cover of the report. My poetry assignment, Grade 1 by Veena Smallcat. He chuckled embarrassedly, fumbled at the papers.
“In order to bless this meeting today, that was simply a poem my 7 year old daughter wrote for all of you.” He picked up another file with a big X marked on it.
“Dear members, it has been brought to our notice that spot fixing has made its way into journalism and there is sufficient evidence to prove that editors are forcing writers to write 1000 words before lunch. Writers are also being bribed to write 11 articles
a day, and they are being paid huge amounts of money by acclaimed spot-fixer Shehzad Hameed. In a video that has made its way with the ICC committee, we have proof that Shehzad Hameed had six Rs.5 notes lined on his desk that was to be paid to the cricket
writers.”
Sources within the ICC have revealed that the writers are fixing articles based on the number of times a particular word is used or deliberate spelling mistake such as the use of “Butt” instead of “but”. Articles with three double spacing’s between words
might fetch as much as Rs. 20 from the bookie Hameed and this is starting a new and very dangerous trend amongst writers. Some reporters’ and journalists are also alleged of writing articles like “Death of Cricket” or “Shahid Afridi ate some balls” or “Ijaz
Butt is a visionary”. The last topic is the most profitable.
Spot-fixing is also taking place amongst cricket fans, and now bookies are betting on the number of times a fan will poke his nose. If they get that right, they would certainly hit the jackpot.
Bookies have also started betting on the number of times a fan will drop the contents of his ice cream on their shirt.
Physiotherapists and team doctors have also been alleged of fixing, and the criminal tentacles of bookie Shehzad Hameed have not escaped those innocent beings as well. He is paying them for substituting shoe polish for ‘iodex’ as an ointment for a sprained
hand, elbow or ankle. The polish does not come off for days and that explains why Shoaib Malik was dropped from the side. It was a clear cut case of spot-fixing. They have also been allegedly paid for substituting toothpaste gel in face wash bottles. In instances
where the toothpaste was stuck in an eye of the player, then the bookies rate gets quadrupled to 20:1.
Mr Maroon Smallcat commented how the use of mobile phones have made it easier for underworld don and bookmaker, Shehzad to get in contact with writers, fans and physiotherapists.
Some journalists have been caught by the 3-year-old daughter of the head of the ICC Committee for sightseeing after journalists refused to grant her access to their mobile phones. She alleged that amongst other bookmakers and bad people, the journalists
have been talking to the cookie monster, Cinderella’s evil step sisters and smeagol from Lord of the Rings.
“This is a cancer that needs to be eliminated from the game,” one official from the committee noted.
(the script is the writer's own imagination and does not represent bettor.com's editorial policy)
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