Marital Problem......... Help!!!!!?

Question

My husband hit me and a few minutes later, there were 2 cops knocking on our door. One cop talked to me and the other to him. I told the cop everything ( why we fought and what he did to me). He saw the bruise on my arm too. My hubby went to jail for domestic violence and the cop told me not to bail him out so he'd learn his lesson. I didnt want him to go to jail, I even told the cop not to arrest him but they said its a california law. He was in jail for a day cuz his parents bailed him out. Now he's home and we're not talking to each other. He wants me to apologize. I'm sorry he was in jail but I'm not sorry I told the cop everything. He should have realized the gravity of his actions when he was hitting me. I'm petite (5"2, 100 lbs) while he was a marine. So basically, he knows how to fight. He even told his parents that he didnt hit me and that I was exaggerating. I'm not sure now what his parents think of me... But then again, that is the least of my worries. I just need to know what I should do. Should we get an annulment? I do love him but I also love myself. I don't tolerate S**t from people. I dont know whats gonna happen next.... I don't know what to do. I don't wanna tell my family what happened to me cuz I dont want him to look bad and I dont want my family to worry. HELP!!!!

Answer 1

I think the heart of the issue is getting lost in the shuffle here - you were victimized by him.  I'm a bit shocked to hear that he's home now since you'd think the courts would order him to stay away from you.

The best thing before you make any decision is to get some help from a therapist - for you.  It could help you get perspective on all of this and help you decide what to do.

Answer 2

He doesn't love you if he hits you. It doesn't matter what other people know. It matters what you know. He is a control freak and wants to keep you under wraps so he can have everything his way. Mommy and Daddy should have left his butt in jail so he would learn a lesson. You did nothing wrong so don't apologize. He is manipulating you so you feel guilty. Get gone and get gone now. Talk to you parents, he should look bad because he is. Get some emotional support from them and leave his wife beatin' ***.

Answer 3

You need to get out of this marriage as soon as possible. No man, should ever hit a woman. His anger will get worse and the beatings will too. They start off with just a hit on the arm, next it will be a punch in the face. This man needs to get help.

Answer 4

First, I don't think it's such a good idea that you guys remain in the same house right now. If you have a best friend whose house you can go to for a few days, you should do that. Or maybe get a room. And even though you don't WANT to tell your family, maybe you should. They love you and will look out for your best interest. Don't isolate yourself from your friends and family, that is how most women look up one day and wonder how they became battered women.

Chances are, if he hit you so early on in your marriage this will not be the last time. But if you guys are willing to work on it then you should seek professional help. But you need to separate and figure out what your next step is going to be. The longer you stay up under him, the easier he'll make it for you to forget what he did.... until the the next time he's angry and hits you. I'm sure this isn't the type of marriage you imagined, but people change and its up to you to decide if you're willing to live in an abusive relationship.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

This is not going to be the end of it. He WILL hit you again, so unless you want to end up one of those poor frightened women who are completely controlled by their abusive men, LEAVE NOW.

It always escalates, hon. Stand up, dust yourself off, and file for divorce. Tell everyone who asks why you're doing it--the truth about guys like him should be shouted from the rooftops. Then maybe they'd get help, and maybe other women won't fall into his trap.

Answer 6

If you think you can really have a life with him, ask him to go to counseling with you. If he doesn't agree there is no way you should stay with him.. But you already know that, and that is good.. Keep loving your self!!

Answer 7

Its takes a very strong woman to love a gunho military/veterans man. That sounds about normal for some military/veterans guys to beat up their wives!  I have seen lots of ex-military men beat up their wives, even right in front of me!  I had to break up the fight at one time! Maybe he is under alot of stress or pressure from work! Go to marriage conseling immediately, if you want to save your marriage! Also it could be an adjustment period for newly weds.  Some newly weds always have physical fights in the first few years of their marriage and then later on, level down into more understanding of the man and woman relationship situation.

Answer 8

I'd dissolve the marriage.  I was married to a Marine  he beat me for 5 years tell I had the guts to leave.

in times like this, you can't think of what others will think. You have to put you number one.  When beatings  and hitting start this soon right after marriage, your in a life of h**l!  And something like him, could end your life.   Sense you were smart enough to call the cops, he'll take extra steps the next time, so that you CAN'T call them.  Trust me on this one!!

Answer 9

You should get a divorce period. He hit you once and he will do it again. Imagine he hit you and he is expecting you to apologize for him going to jail! It was his fault why he went there. He has no morals whatsoever. You can't have someone like that in your life. And now he is giving his parents a bad impression of you. Leave him. He is not worth it. He is abusive and disrespectful.

Answer 10

You should in no way apologize to him. You are the injured party. As to whether you want to end your marriage, that is up to you. You certainly don't sound like a victim to me and hopefully he has learned his lesson. The lesson being that violence is not O.K.

          As to what his parents think, that is immaterial. Hopefully, they will realize that there is no smoke without fire and be ashamed of their son, although I admit that that is unlikely.

           You deserve to be loved and respected. I am reminded of a quote I read once: "If he hits, he doesn't like you. Leave him."

Answer 11

When you mentioned annulment I automatically realized you haven't been married long and probably no kids involved.  Get out because the next time maybe too late. Get an annulment because if the beatings are starting now it will only get worse. Don't be a punching bag. Please.

Answer 12

Leave. Get a divorce and dont second guess this. It is the only answer. If a guy hits you once he will do it again. You shouldnt be sorry he was in jail. He should be sorry for hitting you. He deserved to be in jail. Actually any man who hits a woman should have his manhood removed in my eyes, but i have alot of pent up anger towards men because of abuse. I took it for a long time and it landed me hurt badly. I still live in fear.

Answer 13

Pack up and get the c**p out of there.. If he has hit you once it will happen again.. And it might even get worse than just hitting and pushing you around.. You have to worry about your own safety and don't worry about what everyone else will think.

Please get out ... Please..