Marriage Q about when to have a kid?

Question

My wife and i have been married for 11 months and she wants to start to try to have a baby, i still want to wait another year. I don't think we're ready. We still have some work to complete our house (like new vanity's for the bathrrom, and new floors, etc...which i would prefer to be done now rather than after a kid is born), and financially we can getting by o.k...but with a potential newborn i don't think we're secure enough now as we would be in a year. Her biggest issue is that she's 32 and thinks that she can't wait any longer because she thinks she's close to being too old to bear a child. Any advice welcome. Yes, we've discussed, but i do want to see what the community thinks.

Answer 1

You heard the ol' "you'll never have enough money or time" right?  It's true, it really is.

Answer 2

to be honest i don't think you're ever financially ready to have ababy so i really wouldn't worry about that too much. Baby's only cost as much as you spend - your love is free as is your time.

although 32 isn't old, in fertility terms she's getting on a bit so i have to say she's probably right and, she may not fall pregnent immediately and, even if she does you'd have 9 months to get everything done.I say go for it.

Answer 3

my sister just had her first baby and she is 35

i thinks it's okay to wait

but think of this you will never be financially secure when having a baby

so wait till you are both ready for a baby

Answer 4

The reasons you mentioned for why you want to wait are things that can happen with a kid.  House projects will never be complete.  Remember, the baby will be a baby for the first year so it's not like you'll have a toddler running around.  Use the 9 months your wife is pregnant AND the year the kid is a baby to do your projects.  

At 32 that is going to be harder on your wife's body to bear a child so don't make her wait.  I had my first at 19 and 2nd at 29.  At 29 it was a HUGE difference than my young 19 year old body.  

You will learn that life will adjust around the baby.  You can't plan enough.  things just fall into place and you won't regret it.  

Financially.....again you can't plan enough.  The biggest thing to think about is daycare or whether your wife will become a stay at home mom.  Other than that, the rest of the expenses are minimal in that first year (diapers will kill ya)  

Again, things get old...but a baby is a lifelong experience.

Answer 5

my personal advice is to go for it. you'll never be ready until you really have it! :) my pregnancy was unplanned, and i felt so unready, but after seeing and holding my newborn son for the first time in my arms, it was all worth it! :) good luck!

Answer 6

Don't wait too long, and don't fall into the financial trap.  The financial trap is this - "let's wait another year until we're more financially secure".  Over that year of waiting, finances change and improve, but your perception is still lagging your progress, so you want to wait another year.  Home improvements are the same thing.  You can always be better off financially, and there are always things to do around the house.  Tell me this - what does a newborn care about the vanity?  You can replace a vanity or flooring once the baby is around...trust me - I've done it.

Answer 7

I don't think there is a perfect time to have children.  Sometimes if you wait till your "ready" it's too late.  Thirty two isn't old - but if for some reason, conceiving was difficult - it could be 2 or 3 years before she even got pregnant.  Do you want to be 50 with a 10 year old?  On the other hand - if you don't agree on when to have children, having one could cause a lot of problems as well.  I say wait 6 months - then try.  

Answer 8

I was 32 when I had my first child and I understand your wife.  I wish I would of had more kids, but I waited to long.  Your situation is special, because if you do not take the time to learn each other being married, and concentrate on the relationship, you could both regret it, so wait perhaps another year, no more, and concentrate on being a married couple and what that really means, once you have enjoyed each others company as a married couple, then transition into being parents, then pop them out one after the other.  

Good Luck, and may God Bless you both

Answer 9

Frankly I think you had better waite.Grow as a couple,have you first big fight,get a dog.See a doctor and discuss her aging concerns.Buy a house.Find other couples with kids and offer to baby sit.The thing is kids change EVERYTHING! Not just the dynamic between you and her but everything-your whole out look.Is she gonna stay home or work?Once the baby is born that may change,and for you too.The impact of a baby on a marriage is not to be underestimated.The thing is you are just starting to get to know her as a wife as opposed to as a person.As a husband you are just getting to know yourself.Solidify that bond and grow within that role before evolving in to the next role as father and mother.

Answer 10

Well I think ultimately you both have to feel ready to have a baby and agree on that decision. However I don't really think anyone is ever completely ready for a baby.

My mom and dad waited 6 years to have children, my mom said we kept waiting until we were completely ready...then realized that never happens to just went for it and worked things out together as we went along in our marriage.

I dont think my husband and I will be "financially" ready for a while, but that probably wont stop us from having kids sooner than that...people always need more money lol but as long as we get by and we're happy then there's nothing more I can ask for.

Good luck with your decision.  

Answer 11

My husband and I married at 26. Said we would wait 5 years for kids. We ended up waiting 8. We had our first son when we were both 33. We are thinking of our second now and we are about to be 37. I wasn't ready at 33. I never had baby fever. I was scared out of my mind. My husband was ready more than I was. The cost is nuts. You will never really be ready. Just go for it man. If you and your wife know each other well this baby will be the coolest thing you ever do. If you are "rocky" and just figuring out each other then I say wait at least another year. As long as she is younger than 35 the risks are still low.

We did major work on our house while I was pregnant. Foundation work, new floors, new patio. We also did work after our son was born. Plumbing work and carpet. It is not a big deal. You make it through.  

Answer 12

just communicate your thoughts to her, and i do understand your wife's concerns, she is 32yrs, and her biological clock is ticking right now, but i don't think that it would stop wthin a year, so just tell her your concerns which are very valid concerns, and ask her to wait for one  more year.GL to you both!

Answer 13

32 is kind of old (im 32) if you guys were younger i would say wait 2 years, go for it you dont want to be old parents either