Marriage and divorce issues?

Question

It is sad when a marriage of 20 years turns to divorce and you had no friends during the marriage and most the money is gone. Whats the best way to regain friends afetr divorce ?? They say that there are three things you should not loose when you get married,,,,,,, your friends, you money, and your indiviuallity and it is your own fault if you do. I cant understand what people are looking for that want out after 20 years??? You have the home and the kids and all that goes with itand when your wife decides she not happy anuy more, bam,, its over, that easy............

Any suggestions how to cope ???????????/

Answer 1

go out and start to make new frineds... co workers possibly neighbors etc  

Answer 2

It's almost never a sudden declaration that she is unhappy and bam it's over.  There are usually signs that things are not right for a long time before a marriage ends.  Unfortunately in general men are the worst offenders of either not seeing the signs or ignoring them and refusing to deal with the issues.  Many men are notorious for avoiding the relationshipy stuff like sharing feelings, cuddling, being romantic with out the expectation of s*x etc.

I tell you this because you are asking how to cope?  The first thing you need to do is come to terms with your contribution to the demise of your marriage...............you have to accept some of the responsibility for where it ended up.  Once you do that and really work on changing those things you will be able to let go and move on to a healthy relationship.

Good luck, it's not easy but it can be done.

Answer 3

divorce recovery groups in the community and get involved in some kind of community events and groups, join some..take some college classes..call old friend and have a reunion.

Answer 4

The older we are getting, the more difficult it is to have new friends. After 20 yrs. of matrimony, if you had friends, you will lose some as you start a new single life. Their concern and conversation become different from yours. At this point, you have to focus on yourself. As age is creeping, I suggest that within normal time you consider the renewal of your life with someone else. Neglect the idea of having her for s*x but look for the revitalization of your life. You were used to a family life. Living alone may turn you into an old and grouchy person. Men can past 100 and yet they will not be able to figure out women. Leave her action behind you, if you can afford it, live in a nice place that will improve your self esteem, live with no revenge in your mind and within a few years you will get back to where you used to be. You only have a defeat but it is not a ruin.

Answer 5

If you have no friends (dunno why---what the heck u been doin for 20 years) join some clubs....

Answer 6

Yes, it's sad I know,... try 33 years, and he cheated..

Answer 7

Counseling.

Answer 8

Seek the Lord and immerse yourself in His Word and in prayer.   You may just see some miraculous things happen in your life.   Don't give up on your wife right now.  She probably has been enticed by the prevailing mindset today which is all about "ME", hence leading to the destruction of many marriages/family.  Pray that her eyes be opened!  blessings........

http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html

http://www.marriagedivorce.com

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear that.  My advice would be to go out and make some friends.  Go to a local bar, join a group, take a class.  Basically....get out of the house

Answer 10

Unfortunately, you may not keep all the friends you have gained in that twenty years. Some of those friends will feel very uncomfortable socializing with you and not with your spouse, so they may become lost in the shuffle of a divorce.

You have to realize that life for each of us is constantly changing. Sometimes people grow together into this perfect loving relationship, other times, the relationship weakens. The less you "work" on the relationship and keep things going well, the wider the gap gets. Eventually one person may realize the love is gone and finds another who better fits their needs.

Sorry for your loss....just know you are not alone...

Answer 11

I am sure you have friends sometimes it is hard to see through the pain.  Do somethings for yourself her unhappiness is not a reflection of you.  If you were the best you could be and you know it then be happy.  When one door closes another opens.  If you are religious pray, the hardest times in our lives are when God is preparing us for a break through.  Just know everything turns out alright in the end if its not alright it isn't the end.  God Bless you.  These things I say may not help much but if you trust in yourself you will be fine.  If you read you should go out and buy THE SHACK at your local book store.  Church is a good place to make new friends.

Answer 12

first of all I would like to say, I sorry it did not work after 20 years. I have been married for the last 20 years and do not know what I would do if I got a divorce. Sometimes I guess you just need to start over. Try getting some new friends, stay out of the bars and clubs, That is never the right place to meet nice people. Go to parks and yes even church. But right now, don't go looking for anything, just take each day 1 day at a time and find out who you are again. You will find what you are looking for, when you stop looking for it. Trust me.