Marriage and family?! help me?

Question

ok listen,me and my wife are living far away from home....we're having a baby soon and im in the army,im deploying to afghanistan in about 7-8 months.we were sittin up one night talkin about the family members i wanted to see before i left and wer drifted to the topic of us having to pay for my moms plane ticket most of the time when she comes to visit us because she was less fortunate than us....my wife went on about it not being fair for us to always gave to pay for the ticket...and im trying to tell her,thats not what im saying..inm simply statint that i know whenever we DO want my mom to *** that we would have to pay for the ticket most of the time cuz i know that she cant afford it...she didnt understand me,and i just got tired of explaining myself so i just enede the convo...what do u make of this?????

Answer 1

I think the obvious is that your wife thinks it's unfair and thinks you should make up your mind.

Answer 2

Being a military spouse myself I can maybe give you some insight into what your wife is thinking.  The military doesn't pay a lot.  It's enough if you manage it well but that can be hard to do.  With some added costs on the horizon (your baby and your deployment) she may be feeling stressed financially already.  Add in the way prengancy hormones tend to enhance emotions and she may be feeling very tense about this.  Especially if paying for that plane ticket is going to put any sort of stress on your finances.

On the other hand I can see your viewpoint, too.  She's your mom and should be part of your life.  And if her money is even tighter than yours it's great if you can help out.

What I want to suggest is that you talk to your wife again.  If she's feeling sort of like I said she might be then recognize that.  Ask her to recognize the importance of your mom in your life.  Then ask her if you two can find a way to compromise on this.  It may mean asking your mom to pay for some portion of her ticket.  Or it might mean you being willing to take over more of the household chores while she's there to give your wife a break.  Or seeing your mom less often.  A good marriage, especially a good military marrige, depends on an ability to communicate fairly and to compromise when necessary.

Please enjoy your new baby as much as you can and stay safe on deployment.

Answer 3

Perhaps come to a compromise and pay for your mum one time and hers another - especially with the baby coming.

It is very understandable to want to see your mum and her to see you before you leave for Afghanistan.  Your wife will realize once she has her baby how as a mother she to would want to see her child in similar circumstance and most def her child would want to see her being her mum.

No matter how old we are, and if we have had a good relationship with our mum that is always a big pull.

You do  have a family of your own so this will have to come first and your wife needs to know that you need and love her, but there will be times that as a family (and able to afford it) that due to your mums circumstances you will pay for her to come and see your family.

Times for you are stressful, newly married, baby on the way, off to Afghan etc, etc .... do not argue over something that can be solved very easily by both of you.  Perhaps do not bring it up until you need to bring your mum over and speak only of paying for her to come over to see you before you leave and perhaps when the baby arrives.  It will cost you more for all of your family to fly to her.

Hope it all works out and just be supportive to your wife as this is a very emotional time for her and she is probably quiet scared of doing it on her own so things seems more blown up that they need to be.

Answer 4

Your wife has every right to e concerned about finances.  You are about to have a child and raising a child is expensive and that is where you need to be focusing your finances.  Yes your mother is part of your family but she is no longer your IMMEDIATE family, that baby that is on it's way is your immediate family and needs to be supported, if you want your mother to come and visit try to figure out alternate means for her to do so.