Marriage and sexual attraction?

Question

For those of you who have been married for MORE than ten years or so, do you still feel sexually attracted to one another? Is it normal that my sexual attraction to a woman would loose it's spark simply for time? She has gained weight and has aged much faster than me. I'm not sure if this is normal, but I feel like leaving because the attraction is gone. (We have social issues too, but we believe counseling can help us work that out).

Answer 1

My husband (now my ex) and I were together for 11 years.  I still found him physically attractive, it was all the c**p that he pulled outside the bedroom that ruined it for me.

Answer 2

I've been together with my husband for close to 17 years now and I swear he gets sexier every day, especially because as he gets older, he works out and takes care of himself /more/, because he doesn't want to slip. He says the same to me and I just take his word for it, but who knows? x)

It's great that you're going for counselling as soon as you've addressed the problems, so many couples leave that until too late. I hope you manage to sort it out! And sexual attraction /can/ peak, but it's best to try and keep building it up, so try rekindling the romance with s**y nights in and maybe going to the gym together if you're worried about weight. Attraction can be fixed, so it's not a great reason to leave someone over.

Answer 3

Wow! You sound like a real winner. Your wife must be thrilled to know how much you love her. I suggest you leave her. She doesn't need a husband who has said all these negative things about her.

I just bet you've already found a sweet young thing about 20 years old, skinny and looks young enough to be your daughter.  I bet your have already made a down payment on a 2-door something or other. And, don't forget the bike (Harley is best).

You are finding all these faults with your wife so you can leave her. The sexual attraction may not be as strong for some people as it once was but it should still be there. With others it can get stronger and stronger. Variety is the spice of life. Trying different positions, different places, etc. does a lot to add to the wonderful thing call lovemaking. There is much that can be done but not in your case. Why don't you just leave. Maybe then she'll lose the weight and stop aging so fast.

How cruel you are.  

Answer 4

I am not married but I am starring your question.

I am in a relationship where I feel the same way.

My Boyfriend and I have only been together for 2 years, and while I love him, I do not desire him sexually.

It is a real bummer.

I am awaiting others answers!

Good luck to both of us!  

Answer 5

Counseling,  good gym on a regular basis, and a complete make over. Depression adds weight. Counseling takes it off. As for your leaving, start to see we call change bodies and that great s*x wanes anyway, but hopefully. love deepens.

Answer 6

This is where a marriage passes thru its real test. Do you love her as ur partner or just love her physical body and looks? If you truly love her as a person and your wife,then she'll always be the most beautiful person in bed,no matter how many years pass.

Answer 7

what did you mary for her looks s**y body iv been maried 16 yrs dont make love to her body make love to her soul who she is  

Answer 8

I have to disagree with what sunflower has to say. You might love her but that doesn't mean you have to forget about your physical needs once and for all just because you love her. In a healthy marriage both physical attraction and emotional bond has to go side by side by side. A disturbance in either one of these can mess up the beauty of marriage. As a spouse it is her responsibility to make sure that your physical needs are satisfied as long as she is not physically capable of doing that due to some ailment. And same goes with you if you are in her position.

Some women get too comfortable once they marry and settle down and start to feel that their husbands will love them unconditionally. Till then the woman who did regular exercise and took care of her health and beauty so as to impress her prince charming starts to put on weight and eventually look like a pig once she is sure the prince charming is not going anywhere no matter how fat she gets. It will all eventually come back to her before she even knows it. And then she starts the emotional blackmail...and the same old "you will stay if you love me" thing.

May be there are exceptions. May be there are ppl who are fat and quite happy about it. But each person is different and their priorities, and needs are different. There are couples who have s*x multiple times a day and then there are couples who have s*x only once a week or two but still live a very happy life. But if your spouse has needs and priorities you should consider and satisfy that rather than finding excuses and showing other people as examples.

So your social issues should be sorted out between you two. And physical issues...She will have to work on them alone if there is gonna be some difference.

Answer 9

Yes it is normal, because the emphasis on s*x is lesser with time and other sparks rise. The question is can we de-emphasise s*x and find those other sparks of life in your partner? And how?

It is about keeping you both beautiful, overtime. Attraction, as s*x is less the focus love must raise. But if there are no other glues, or sparks it becomes more difficult. See if you can find the other sparks of life.

Answer 10

Wow! It's really sad that you only see your wife's physical appearance instead of focusing on what a great mother, good wife, excellent friend, awesome human being, etc. she probably is.  I would just be devastated if I were to gain weight and started getting wrinkles  -which I'm sure I will, being that I'm only human-  and my husband left me just because of that.  What, you think you're not getting old? And do you also think you're perfect?  Two people are together and get married for so many reasons other than physical attraction...I don't understand your problem.  My husband has gained at least 40 pounds since we met and I find him just as attractive as before...Your wife needs encouragement, motivation, and moral support, not rejection; and you need to work on your "shallow hal" issues.