Marriage on the rocks?

Question

My husband & i have been married for 11 years & now it seems like it's all over, He never wants to touch me or have s*x anymore, maybe once a week, & twice if im lucky. Anyway when we watch tv i want to be on the couch holding him but he always pushes me away & says he wants to be comfortable, & when it's time to go to bed I feel like a kid because he comes & tugs me in & kisses me goodnight,then goes to the living room to watch tv or mess with his computer & he never wants to go out on a date with me. I Love my husband i'm just not in love with him anymore & i've told him this,as a matter of fact i told him this last night & then he tells me he loves me very much, I just don't see how. This has been going on for about 2 years now and i know a lot of you will judge me but go ahead, About 8 months ago i started an affair with a married man, i know it's wrong but i wanted to feel loved, i know what i'm doing is wrong & that this man will never love me, even though he says he does, he confessed to me that it all started like just an affair that probably wouldn't last long but just about 2 months ago he said he fell in love with me & cared for me a lot. I feel good with this man because he gives me what my husband never will LOVE, this man calls me everymorning just to say good morning,calls me during his lunch brake & sometimes he'll call me & tell me he bought dinner so that i would take it home and i wouldn't have to make a mess of my kitchen because he knew how tired i was. I've told this man i will never leave my husband, even if im unhappy. I hate feeling this way, unloved by my husband i tell him i feel like his roommate, all we do say hello, pay bills & go grocery shopping together, maybe this is what marriage is all about? I want us to watch tv together, have a date just the two of us at least once a month, go to bed together, i want him to hold me & kiss me when i get home from work, but this are things that he has told me he just can't do. Please help what should i do? Last week i told him we should take a break from each other & he should move out & he said he would but our 10 year old daughter took it very hard & said she didn't want dad to go,& my husband took it hard & he didn't know where he would go & like i said i felt sorry for him so i told him we would work it out but nothing changed, couple of nights later i tried to make s**y moves on him but he wouldn't even look at me, and i'm not bad looking, i've had several guys ask me out for lunch but i've always refused.I don't know what to do, the only things that keep me going are my kids & lover. Do you think this will ever get better?

Answer 1

Wow! this sounds familiar.  However I am the one telling my significant other that I do not want to be bothered.  It sounds like something has tunred  your husband off.  Have you gained weight.  Think back the last 2 years and note if something has changed about you.  Do you think he is cheating?  Maybe  you should try counceling (SP)?    If that does not work Pray (well Pray 1st anyway).  This other man that you are seeing is the devil trying to devide your home (lust).  The the about a fling is that if and when it break's up your home the challenge is gone and the fire that started the fling dies, then you say to yourself was it worth it.  Remember, the same words this other man is telling you he has told his wife now he is cheating on her.

Answer 2

Wow, what a story.  Sounds like Im reading my own.  Only Im the guy in your shoes and my wife is the woman in your hubbys shoes.

Wow, how life treats us all.  So were not the only ones, huh?

Answer 3

I feel for you.....but you should have waited to get a divorce before you stepped out on your marriage.....you need to go to counseling or get a divorce, if you think staying together for the kids works it doesn't, it makes it a whole lot worse, they know what goes on more than  you think!

Answer 4

your husband does love you, what he isn't giving you is attention and s*x and that is what you decided to break your vows to find........get a marriage counselor quickly

Answer 5

It sounds to me that your husband loves you just got a little to comfortable in your marriage that happens after your married for a while, You on the other hand broke your wedding vows SHAME ON YOU. You need to tell your husband and BEG for HIS forgiveness. GO to counseling YOU have torn your family apart YOUR poor CHILDREN What kind of example are you showing them. Do you want them to think it is okay to cheat END IT NOW WITH YOUR LOVER I'm not trying to preach at you because I know how it feels. Try and go to a counselor Maybe even get involved in a church. My marriage is very rocky if it wasn't for God I wouldn't know what to do. I know that God will help my husband and I both change and our marriage will be better then ever.

Answer 6

Let your hubby go he deserves better than a woman that would sleep with someone else and then expect to get it from her hubby too.  He probably knows you are sleeping with another guy and that is why you turn him off.  It will never get better unless you dump the lover and make and effort with your hubby.  You are doing more than just cheating on your hubby, when your kids find out they will think you are a tramp.

Answer 7

wow, your husband sounds like a male version of me. and my husband left me for another woamn who made him feel good about himself, liked to go on dates, and cuddle on the couch. i guess i just took him for granted. thank you for opening up my eyes to why my husband really did leave me.

Answer 8

"Do you think this will ever get better?"

Not as long as you're involved with the other guy.

You told your husband he could stay and that you'd try to work it out...with the other guy in the picture, you're not giving 100% to your marriage.

Find a professional counselor that will teach the two of you effective communication skills, effective coping skills and how to get your marriage back on track.

Good luck to you.